Tag Archives: male dominance

by | December 8, 2025 · 10:51 am

Redefining Masculinity: Traits Young Men Need Today

It has become a common story: a mother quietly confesses that her 30-something son is still living at home, unemployed, spending most of his days in the basement playing PC games—while his sister is thriving on every level and living the life of her dreams.

Figures from the United States, the United Kingdom, and the European Union reflect a rising trend: an estimated one in five men over 30 still lives in the parental home. Meanwhile, 63 per cent of men aged 18–29 are single, while women are surpassing their male counterparts in both education and income.

My recent Blog post on “Young Men: Angry, Isolated and Armed” touched a nerve because it captured something unfolding quietly but urgently: amid a growing mental-health crisis, young men are withdrawing into isolation or channelling their shame and frustration into outdated, hyper-aggressive role models, many of them fueled by right-wing extremist groups.

Technological and cultural shifts have opened unprecedented opportunities for young women—changes that their mothers and grandmothers could only dream of. Equal opportunity and equal pay were long overdue. But the traditional image of masculinity as the stoic provider, unflinching warrior, emotional brick wall, no longer fits into a modern world in which connection, communication, and adaptability matter more than ever.

So what are young women seeking in a partner today? And how do we define healthy masculinity in this new landscape?

Across many studies, three traits consistently appear as the most desired qualities in a long-term partner: kindness, intelligence, and confidence. They are foundational to stable relationships, but they are also widely misunderstood.

Kindness is not passivity or people-pleasing. It is emotional steadiness, especially in times of struggle or pain. It shows up in how a man treats others, especially family members, friends, and strangers. Men high in kindness respond to stress with calm problem-solving rather than withdrawal or aggression. Kindness begins with self-respect; young men must learn to accept and care for themselves before that inner stability can radiate outward.

Intelligence is not about high IQ scores or academic pedigree. It is the ability to navigate life with self-awareness, adaptability, and emotional understanding. Intelligent partners can manage their emotions, communicate clearly, listen actively, and reflect honestly on their own behaviour. They do not hide behind logic to avoid vulnerability or connection.

Confidence is perhaps the most misinterpreted trait of all. True confidence is quiet, grounded self-assurance—not the loud, performative “alpha” posturing that dominates so much online discourse. Confident men know who they are and do not need to brag, dominate, or seek constant validation. They can have difficult conversations without collapsing into defensiveness. They avoid unnecessary conflict—not from fear, but from maturity. This is where healthy masculine strength shows its true form: protective, steady, and principled.

These three traits aren’t random. Together, they form the bedrock of a healthy long-term relationship: a partner who is emotionally safe, self-aware, capable of repair, and stable during conflict.

To make this more tangible, here are some widely recognised men in entertainment who are publicly perceived as embodying kindness, intelligence, or confidence, while acknowledging we cannot know their private lives:

Keanu Reeves is often cited as the gold standard of humble, grounded kindness, giving generously without seeking credit. Tom Hanks represents steadiness and emotional warmth and is seen as approachable and gracious.

Ethan Hawke, symbolises intelligence as a deeply reflective and thoughtful artist. He writes books, directs films and speaks creatively with nuance. John Krasinski balances his humour with intelligent storytelling.

Men who symbolize grounded confidence are Idris Elba with a calm, steady presence and Mahershala Ali (Green Book) who embodies a quiet power and self-assurance.

The crisis facing young men today is not simply about a lack of economic opportunity; it is a crisis of identity. As society rapidly evolves, many young men are left without a clear model of what it means to be strong, successful, and valued in today’s world. But the path forward is not found in nostalgia for outdated roles or in reactionary anger. It lies in cultivating traits that make relationships—and communities—thrive: kindness, intelligence, and confidence grounded in self-awareness rather than ego.

If young men can embrace these qualities, they won’t just meet the expectations of a fast-changing world—they will exceed them. And in doing so, they will rediscover a masculinity that is not lost, but evolving: resilient, emotionally present, relationally strong, and profoundly needed.

Reino Gevers – Host of the LivingToBe podcast

P.S.: If you enjoyed this article, you might be interested in my latest book, Sages, Saints, and Sinners. Get it today on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and wherever good books are sold.

Leave a comment

Filed under mental health, mental-health, psychology, purpose

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

by | September 29, 2025 · 7:28 am

Young Men: Angry, Isolated, and Armed

Only moments after news broke that a young suspect had allegedly killed American right-wing influencer Charlie Kirk, social media erupted in a frenzy of conspiracy theories. The scene felt eerily familiar, much like the wave of accusations and blame that followed after another young man narrowly missed assassinating Donald Trump last year

What gets lost in the noise of speculation and outrage is a sober analysis of a deeper crisis: why do we have millions of disaffected young men, many struggling with mental health, who are willing to pick up a gun to make their pain known?

An alarming number of these young men are filling their “purpose void” by clinging to extremist groups that promise them antiquated, hyper-masculine role models. Recent election trends in France, Germany, the United Kingdom, and within America’s MAGA movement reveal a dangerous regression: large swathes of young men are gravitating toward demagogic macho cultures led by right-wing authoritarian figureheads who thrive on their grievances, anger, and lack of self-esteem.

Contrary to the narrative put out by much of the right-wing media ecosystem, including Donald Trump, the majority of politically-motivated violence committed in the United States comes from the right and not from the radical left, according to a detailed study (Duran, Celinet. 2021)

“Since 1990, far-right extremists have committed far more ideologically motivated homicides than far-left or radical Islamic extremists, including 227 events that took more than 520 lives. In the same period, far-left extremists committed 42 ideologically motivated attacks that took 78 lives,” the study summarizes.

On the island of Mallorca, where I live, I regularly witness another side of this crisis. Especially in the summer months, groups of intoxicated young male tourists flood beaches and holiday resorts, behaving with little regard for social norms or basic decency. Their drinking, brawling, and even defecating in public spaces have become so disruptive that local civic groups are pressuring authorities to enforce strict policing and high fines. For me, it is a vivid, almost daily reminder of how quickly young men, when stripped of purpose and responsibility, can descend into destructive, tribal behavior. What might appear as “holiday fun” on the surface exposes the deeper cultural sickness: a generation of young men searching for meaning in the bottom of a beer bottle, in the adrenaline of a fight, or in the temporary dominance of taking over a public space.

This trend is unfolding at a time when women are excelling—academically, professionally, and socially—at unprecedented levels. In the United States, the National Center for Education Statistics (NCES) reports that in 2020, 59% of all undergraduates were women. In the 2019–2020 academic year, women earned 60% of master’s degrees and 54% of doctoral degrees. Higher education is translating into better access to high-paying jobs, even in traditionally male-dominated fields like technology and engineering.

The “Purpose Void”

For generations, boys found meaning in roles as warriors, leaders, or sole breadwinners. Today, those traditional roles are fading, leaving many bright young men adrift—alienated, withdrawn, and often addicted to instant gratification. Psychologists Warren Farrell and John Gray argue that compulsive gaming and digital distractions are exacerbating attention problems like ADHD, compounding the sense of purposelessness.

The consequences are severe. Suicide rates among young men soar to six times that of young women. Many of these young men eventually turn to ultramasculine role models, where empowerment is equated with violence, weaponry, and membership in extremist male-only groups.

The pattern is clear: demagogues prey on their discontent, offering simple answers and a return to an “idealized” patriarchal past. Outsiders—immigrants, minorities, or anyone different—become scapegoats. A dystopian promise emerges: a reborn patriarchy led by a “fatherly” figure who will restore order.

It Takes a Village

This is not to dismiss the courageous efforts of single mothers, many of whom raise healthy, caring, and successful sons despite enormous challenges. But we cannot ignore that the overwhelming majority of violent crime is committed by men. In the U.S., more than nine times as many men as women have been incarcerated at some point in their lives. Men also experience higher victimization rates for nearly every category of violent crime.

African wisdom offers a clue to solutions. The proverb, “It takes a village to raise a child,” underscores the importance of community in raising the next generation. A Swahili saying echoes the same truth: “Whomsoever is not taught by the mother will be taught by the world.”

Traditional African societies understood child-rearing as a communal responsibility. By contrast, in modern industrialized nations, single mothers are too often left without support—bearing the double burden of earning a living while raising children. With the exception of Nordic countries and parts of Europe, state support for early childcare and education is minimal, leaving long-term social costs far greater than the investments required.

Resilient children are raised in resilient communities. They learn values and social skills not just from parents but from grandparents, uncles, aunts, mentors, and family friends. They are shaped by role models who find purpose in service, not just in short-term gratification.

A Way Forward

While extremist movements exploit the vulnerabilities of young men by blaming external enemies, the true crisis lies within. Addressing it requires a multi-layered approach:

  • Promote healthy models of masculinity that normalize emotional openness, empathy, and vulnerability.
  • Foster peer support and mentorship so young men have safe spaces to share struggles and learn from older role models.
  • Invest in community programs—team sports, skill-building workshops, and local initiatives—that counter isolation with belonging and purpose.

Right now, we are witnessing the rise of the most dangerous species on earth: young men in their early twenties with access to a gun. We cannot allow demagogues to hijack their pain, feeding them a false sense of empowerment rooted in violence, toxic masculinity, and nostalgia for a patriarchal past.

If we want a safer and healthier future, we must fill the purpose void, before others do.

Reino Gevers – Host of the LivingToBe podcast

P.S.: If you enjoyed this article, you might be interested in my latest book, Sages, Saints, and Sinners. Get it today on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and wherever good books are sold.

1 Comment

Filed under mental health, psychology

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

by | October 5, 2021 · 6:34 am

Bridging the growing gender divide

There is false of Aristotelian logic, which is so much the basis of Christianity, and to some extent, Judaism in the west. Too rational, too logical, too masculine, chauvinistic, male dominated, head over heart, mind over body, heaven different than earth and so on, rather than yin/yang, inter-being, interwoven, inseparably.— Surya Das

One of the burning issues of our time is the big gender divide as we transition from centuries of male dominance toward more gender equality. There is a real crisis of mentally unstable boys growing up to be unhealthy men while girls seem to crush it at every level from education to job performance.

Just a brief look at some of the statistics reveal some staggering figures. More than nine times as many men compared to women at some point spent time in prison in the United States with men accounting for more than 80 per cent of persons arrested for violent crime. Women have lower arrest rates for all categories of crime except prostitution in almost every country in the world.

Women are at the forefront in the self-development industry and the elevation of awakened consciousness. They are indeed the better half of humanity showing more caring responsibility, empathy, creativity and intuition. In leadership positions their social skillset emphasizes collaboration, rather than the male notion of destroying a competitor.

But is the solution to our global problems the reversal of male dominance with female dominance? There are a lot of males out there feeling uneasy about some of the emanations from the feminist movement. Men are feeling left behind by women on all levels but they just won’t admit it and are resisting to do real inner, reflective work, still perceiving it as a weakness rather than a strength.

The root cause appears to be that there are far too many fathers who have been exceptionally bad role models for their sons and daughters over generations. It is the “absent-father-syndrome” that is cause for many mental problems.

Several studies show that boys growing up without their biological father often feel deserted, insecure, fearful and anxious. A stepfather can never replace that void created by the absent father. I have seen the hurt in a stepchild when a father refuses to engage.

Among the 25 most cited school massacres in the United States, two thirds were committed by boys from broken or fatherless homes! Criminologists Michael Gottfredson and Travis Hirschi, found the absence of fathers to be one of the “most powerful predictors of crimes .” Fathers serve as role models for their sons who maintain authority and discipline, thereby helping them develop self-control and empathy toward others, key character traits lacking in violent youth.

According to a UNICEF report “school-aged children with good relationships with their fathers were less likely to experience depression, to exhibit disruptive behavior, or to lie. Overall, they were far more likely to exhibit prosocial behavior.”

While women seek help when they experience mental health problems such as anxiety or fear, men often retreat into typical male dysfunctional behavior such as addiction, political and religious extremism or violent crime. It seems to be completely overlooked in the political narrative that men and masculinity feature prominently in both past and present populist movements.

What is the solution?

First and foremost fathers need to step-up and take responsibility for their children. Abdicating and delegating responsibility solely to motherhood is archaic and stems from a medieval patriarch mindset. A positive father-figurehead understands the art of integrating female caring responsibility, empathy, and intuition with the positive male features such as structure, protection, discipline and authority.

As humanity moves toward the elevation of consciousness it is crucial that we transmute the typical gender narrative to another level.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Integrating the feminine and the masculine

Integrating the feminine and the masculine aspects of personality is the challenge both on a personal and collective level. The great Swiss psychiatrist Carl Gustav Jung Jung describes the two primary archetypes of the unconscious mind: The “animus” is unconscious masculine side of a woman, and the anima as the unconscious feminine side of a man, each transcending the personal psyche.

Greek philosophy which found its way into the tenets of Christianity believe that humans are fundamentally flawed and wounded.

Our cultural indoctrination pronounces that finding that “soul mate” will heal that inner wound or void. Disappointment and relationship meltdown is inevitable. It is an illusion and we should never delegate or make our happiness conditional to the behavior of another person. Only the awakened self can heal that wound through the integration of the “shadow”, as Jung puts it.

How do we integrate that “soul mate” within? There is a beautiful image evoked by Plato who describes his idea of “soul mates” as the one longing for the other half “and so they would throw their arms about each other, weaving themselves together, wanting to grow together.”

The encounter, study and integration of the unconscious mind into the mature personality is key to becoming fully human. As a humanity we need to fully embrace our female and male traits. It is that which has the potential to catapult us toward a happier future, giving us that valuable skillset to confront the challenges ahead.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

One more thing...If you have found this article interesting you might want to check out our courses, retreats and books and ask others to also subscribe to this Blog.

Leave a comment

Filed under mental health, mental-health

Tagged as , , , ,