There is a saying that it takes a village to raise a child. “Ubuntu” is an ancient African term meaning ‘humanity to others’ because it is those “others” who have made you into that individual who you are.
It means the persons you surround yourself with make you into the person who you are. The village, the individual and the tribe are ONE. So it is worth reflecting on who those five people are who you are letting into your “house.”
It will determine how upbeat, optimistic, healthy and successful you are. Are you surrounded by people who are supportive of you on your soul path or do you have people around you who use every opportunity to pull you down?
It is worth reflecting every now and then on those five people who really appreciate and serve you. As you disassociate and realign yourself you will inevitably be confronted by push back.
So how do I determine who is good for me and who isn’t? How do I know that the person I let into my home is not going to “trample over my clean white carpet with dirty feet?” It is a question I often hear from participants in my workshops when we talk about boundary issues.
And, its basically quite simple:
- Do you constantly feel drained and emotionally exhausted after spending time with a particular person or groups of people?
- Have you had this feeling for some time that a relationship is one-sided?
- Are your conversations with that person or persons centred mainly around negative issues?
If so, it is high time to start disassociating yourself and to move on.
Open yourself to those people, who, when entering a room, emanate an aura of good energy. I admit those people are few and far between. Most of us are so preoccupied with our own baggage and issues that we no longer notice the true nature of the people around us. True, we cannot always be upbeat. That is not what life is about. Its how we deal on a day to day basis with our ups and down in the knowledge that nothing stays permanent.
All great teachers of Mysticism will tell you that the art of happiness is the ability and wisdom to accept life’s preciousness in the here and now. Impermanence is one of life’s great lessons. Ask anyone who has suddenly lost a loved one, gone through a traumatic divorce or been confronted with a life changing situation, like losing all ones savings on the stock market.
The only truth is that life is a constant flow of yin and yang, birth and death, light and shadow, good and evil, expansion and withdrawal. Sorrow, grief and despair are as much part of life as happiness, joy and exultation or loss and abundance. Discipline of the inner mind and thought process by means of meditation, the body arts or other rituals will help us deal with this ebb and flow.
What we can control is the practise of mind-setting, the choice of the people we surround ourselves with and who we invite into “our holy chambers.”
Reino Gevers, consultant, coach, mentor, author