Category Archives: mental-health

Rough times? Cues from nature

Our world is completely different to what it was a few months ago. Crazy times demand courage. When the carpet gets pulled from beneath your feet it takes time to go into the acceptance that the life of the past will not return.

It is an ideal time for introspection, recalibration and realignment. In taking the analogy from nature life is seasonal, moving from the birth of spring to the darkest of nights in winter and back to the light.

Moving forward from introspection

The Chinese philosophy of the Five Elements is rooted in the ancient wisdom of Buddhist and Taoist monks who spent much of their time observing and studying the rhythm of nature.

In the northern hemisphere we are moving from autumn into winter. Autumn is associated with the metal element when the body energies move inward.  Nature starts contracting and preparing for winter (water element) with plant and animal withdrawing into recuperation or hibernation.

When the elements of metal and water are in imbalance the emotions of grief, anxiety and fear become a challenge. In going forward from this energy and recreating balance on a mindset level the opposite side of these emotions are courage, steadfastness, alignment and the setting of healthy boundaries.

Humanity has broken the code of nature

Our skin, which is the outer expression of the large intestine, associated with the metal element, is all about setting and accepting boundaries whether we choose or deny body contact and what we inhale and exhale in energy around us. What we inhale we become. What are we inhaling in negative thoughts, news, and distractions? How much have we broken the code of nature in exploiting and destroying our own and the life systems of other living beings?

Moving from grief into courage 

Despite the fear, anxiety and melancholy sadness we are seeing many people navigating new territory, rediscovering community and vocation. In moving forward from the darkest of nights in winter the first step is the acknowledgment of what is. You could ask yourself the following questions:

  • What lesson can I extract from the new situation?
  • What resources, knowledge, networks can I activate?
  • What is the first step that I can take today to change my situation?
  • What are the things that I can still truly be grateful for?
  • What habits, attitudes, and mindset can I change at this point in time?

Creating the momentum for a new future and new opportunity is the time of spring and rebirth (wood element). We move into spring with the spiritual growth and elevation of consciousness we have attained during the time of winter. It is the necessary precondition, the time to plant the seeds for summer (fire element) so that you can harvest the seeds of your efforts in late summer (earth element).

Whatever situation you are finding yourself in at the moment you can regain confidence on a mindset level by accepting the cyclical nature of the universe. The yin and yang is constantly in motion between expansion and withdrawal, night and day, grief and happiness.

Look at yourself from a bird’s eye perspective and tell yourself: “May I be liberated from the sadness and the grief over that which was and is no more. I love and accept myself the way I am. I wish and pray with all my heart for a life of fulfillment, abundance and happiness.”

Repeat this inner prayer for yourself first and then continue by wishing this positive vibrational energy to loved persons that come to mind but also to persons you have problems forgiving and have hurt you in the past.

Reino Gevers – Author, Mentor and Consultant

P.S: If you found this article of interest, you might also want to check out my recent interview on OMTimes Radio on the release of my new book Deep Walking for Body, Mind and Soul.

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Truth and the tribal bubble

“Sometimes people don’t want to hear the truth because they don’t want their illusions destroyed.” –Friedrich Nietzsche.

There is a story that when Christopher Columbus arrived on the shores of Latin America the local people were unable to see the sailing ships because they were completely outside their experienced reality.

Nietzsche warned of the “belief” mindset when people become trapped in a delusional reality, unable to accept an inevitable truth or fact.

The invisible gorilla in the room

The experiment of the invisible gorilla in the room just illustrates how susceptible we are to seeing the world how it isn’t.

Crisis periods inevitably herald a shift to higher consciousness while at the same time we are seeing humanity falling back into the shadow world of superstition, fear, delusion, and sectarian extremism.

The fragmentation into tribal bubbles

As our world becomes more globally connected on a digital level, there is also the fragmentation into tribal bubbles where the mind is fed with information from those “tribal” media channels of choice that think, dress, talk and believe in the same things that we do.

The polarized political affiliations in the United States tell us more about the “culture wars” than a decent political debate on how to solve complex economic, environmental and social issues .

Tribes have a tendency to build defensive walls against all those who are not members of the same community.  It is then only a small step away to see them as the enemy targeting the watering hole.

A fertile ground for demagogues

The western mind has very much lost its way. When there is a spiritual vacuum, loss of purpose and direction, it is fertile ground for demagogues. They fill the void in playing the “angst” game with nationalist or tribal rhetoric. Its us against them!  Political ideology has all the trappings of a pseudo-religion. Its black or white. A religious cult has the philosophy of either you believe what we tell you to or you will suffer eternal damnation.

An innate spirituality is liberated from belief.  It intuitively feels rather than believes. It feels itself connected to a matrix that holds everything together on a different level.

The tribal bubble cements belief. It becomes part of the ego and the self. Different opinions, irrefutable evidence and scientific fact are slated as “fake news” because they might threaten the image of a false identity that has been created.

It is particularly dangerous when a logical step like wearing a mask to stop the spreading of a life-threatening virus is being questioned because the medical facts and the science have been drowned in an avalanche of conspiracy theories and lies.

The professional demagogues follow an agenda in cementing loyalty to the tribe. For that they need to keep churning the confusion, division, hate and conspiracy.

It is more important than ever to stand guard at the doorway of the mind:

Is the information sourced?

Has the source got a history of reliability and truth?

First and foremost there needs to be a consensus on common values, norms and decency. This is the bottom line of a solidified and cohesive society.

Reino Gevers – Author, Mentor and Consultant

One more thing…

As you may have heard, my new book, Deep Walking for Body, Mind and Soul

is now available through bookstores! To celebrate, my publisher, Morgan James Publishing, is hosting a free online launch party featuring me along with some other amazing authors the week of November 16-20.

My interview will be highlighted on MorganJamesBookLaunch.com on November 19th in the Category “Take Charge of Your Health”Time: 9:30 AM EST (Europe Time: 15:30-16:30)

Celebrate with me by tuning in to my interview with a Morgan James team member. Additionally, there will be a free drawing you won’t want to miss! The winner will receive a free Ebook edition of every title featured during this season’s Virtual Book Launch Week. To enter the drawing, simply register at MorganJamesBookLaunch.com. I would be honored if you would also share this event with your friends and family through your social media pages. Join me in sharing my message with the world!

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Healing the division

Millions of people all over the world have been mesmerized by the elections in the United States that reflect the current underlying polarization of society. The world is becoming more diverse and at the same time more averse to rapid cultural and economic changes.

Change triggers fear

Change is always accompanied by fear and where there is fear there is anger that quickly finds expression in rage and violence. It is the perfect breeding ground for demagogues who follow their own agenda in muddying the waters with lies, half-truths, conspiracy theories and behavior that breaks all norms of common decency.

We are living in an era where social media is largely determining public opinion. We no longer have the overriding influence of traditional media that have acted as gatekeepers to prevent fake, unsourced news from reaching the public domain. In contrast to social media they are liable for the content they disseminate.

Social media is amplifying toxic emotions

A real danger is that social media have algorithms in place that amplify the toxic emotions of fear, hatred, xenophobia, and intolerance. Their entire business model is based on boosting “likes” and “shares”. And its the most outrageous lies, conspiracy theories, and temper tantrums that get shared most. Anyone can put anything out there to stir the melting pot, and it is bound to find resonance in the echoing chambers of social media platforms with a global audience of hundreds of millions of people.

Who is stirring all the hatred, fury and conspiracy theories. It is more important than ever to stand guard at the doorway of your soul.
Photo by M.T ElGassier on Unsplash

During these times IT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN EVER TO STAND GUARD AT THE DOORWAY TO YOUR SOUL:

The watchword here is. Who is stirring intolerance, hatred, anger, fury, violence, and division between us here and them there? How can I as an individual lend support to the softer voices of reason, unity, tolerance, respect, kindness, mindfulness, awareness and the common thread of humanity?

  • How much negativity are you letting into your system?
  • What media or information are you consuming on a regular basis that is having a toxic effect on your emotions?

What is happening in the political arena or in the external world generally only has a marginal effect on your personal day-to-day life if you practice a positive mind-set.

Emotional shifting

What am I grateful for today? Which friends, people, books expand my energy and spiritual horizons? What activities would improve my vibrational energy right now?

One of my favorite methods is emotional shifting. When I feel a toxic emotion such as anger creeping its way into my system, I try to refocus on a positive memory or experience that gets me back into “happy mode”. It can be small things like the beautiful sunset or a bird singing in the garden.

Reino Gevers – Author. Mentor. Speaker

One more thing…

As you may have heard, my new book, Deep Walking for Body, Mind and Soul

is now available through bookstores! To celebrate, my publisher, Morgan James Publishing, is hosting a free online launch party featuring me along with some other amazing authors the week of November 16-20.

My interview will be highlighted on MorganJamesBookLaunch.com on November 19th in the Category “Take Charge of Your Health”Time: 9:30 AM EST (Europe Time: 15:30-16:30)

Celebrate with me by tuning in to my interview with a Morgan James team member. Additionally, there will be a free drawing you won’t want to miss! The winner will receive a free Ebook edition of every title featured during this season’s Virtual Book Launch Week. To enter the drawing, simply register at MorganJamesBookLaunch.com. I would be honored if you would also share this event with your friends and family through your social media pages. Join me in sharing my message with the world!

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A crisis of leadership

Leaders shape nations, organizations and communities in many ways. It is during a crisis like the current pandemic that the character of leadership has really been exposed.

Beyond the public display of bravado and polished image many an emperor has been caught during these times without his clothes on.

People follow the cues of the tribal leader

In the response pattern to Covid-19 the catastrophic failures and weaknesses of the populist demagogue has been revealed. With humans being tribal by nature it is natural to mimic the language, behavior patterns and responses of leaders.

Photo by Jehyun Sung on Unsplash

Much can therefore be said of the social undercurrent or the dark shadow of the collective unconscious in a nation when we look at the quality of their leaders.

Is the captain steering the ship through rough waters doing so with precision, taking advice from experts, emanating calmness and authority or making haphazard off-the-cuff decisions and blaming everyone else but himself for the predicament?

The dangerous malignant narcissist

During times of crisis the worst leader possible is the malignant narcissist. The psychiatrist Erich Fromm cites such leaders as those who “have attained absolute power; their word is the ultimate judgment of everything, including life and death; there seems to be no limit to their capacity to do what they want.”

As their failures become starkly apparent during the crisis they become more paranoid and fearful, lashing out at everyone around them.

They are pathological liars, violate all norms, humiliate, blame and are incapable of remorse and empathy. We need only to look back at history to see the legacy that such leaders have left.

In recent weeks I’ve conducted a number of workshops on corporate health management with companies from many different sectors. My own observations and many studies confirm a close link between poor leadership, absenteeism and worker motivation.

Many institutions are still stuck in a 20th-century top-down leadership approach. It is the perfect feeding ground for the malignant narcissist. The 21st century leader on the other hand requires an entirely different people skill-set.

Our world is more complex and heterogeneous. Our communities, our societies and the workplace have become a meeting place of different generations, cultures, religions and genders, requiring a particular communication skill-set to address the needs of each group.

The need for leaders with a good people skill-set

More than ever we need good leaders who emanate the qualities of kindness, respect, empathy and common decency. Critical self-awareness, the ability to show gratitude, keeping the ear close to the ground, the ability to delegate, motivate and communicate. These are only some of the skill-sets that we need in our time and the challenges that lie ahead.

Reino Gevers – Author. Mentor. Speaker

One more thing…

You might be interested in my 40-day Online training course LIVING TO BE which covers such aspects as defining your “core values”, removing distractive clutter, and boosting your vibrational energy to a new high.

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As a subscriber to my Blog you can check out a FREE condensed version of the course.

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Boosting your energy during challenging times

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We can easily manage if we will only take, each day, the burden appointed to it. But the load will be too heavy for us if we carry yesterday’s burden over again today, and then add the burden of the morrow before we are required to bear it.” – John Newton –

The external world at times appears to fall into chaos, causing great anxiety and fear. So how do I stay calm and centered amidst all the political and economic turmoil going on during these challenging times?

For a start, who said life was just meant to be an easy ride. Some of the world’s greatest achievers made their breakthrough moments before their biggest failures. It is during those flat-on-the ground moments when  the biggest insights and real spiritual growth take place.

But what do I do when I am in just such a moment of loss and despair?

  • The first step is the acceptance that there are external circumstances that I cannot change.  Stress always starts with a thought, that gets bigger and bigger, gripping the entire body with fear and anxiety.
  • The second step is therefore to find a quiet space and to focus your mind on simply breathing. Listen to your inhaling and exhaling breaths. Become aware of the sounds in your room, like the creaking of a wood panel, then slowly extend your awareness by breathing through that room so that you can hear the distant hooting of a car, a dog barking in the neighborhood, the chiming of a church bell. Listen to the thoughts coming and going, accept them as good friends that can come for a visit and then depart again. In a few minutes you will not only be hearing your breath but also your heartbeat. Relax into that precious moment of pure presence and infinity.
  • Step Three: As you start your day with this awareness you will become more mindful of the external distractions that pull energy from you such as the constant dosage of negative news or people that try to abuse you by bombarding you with their negativity. Stay away from the energy vampires.
  • Step Four: Take a walk- Walking in nature will bring you into alignment with yourself and  the natural rhythm and pace of the universe. Walking will improve your mood, memory and body posture. A change of perspective and the world appears in a different radiance and color. When you are no longer at war with yourself and the external world, body, mind and spirit fall into alignment.
  • Step Five: Eat healthy food. There is a saying that what you eat you become. Put junk food into your body and your body will feel like junk. Avoid the white sugars that you find in most processed foods and soda drinks. Try a diet of fresh fruits and vegetables and you will feel a natural boost to your energy level.

Tell yourself that these moments of sadness, despair, fear and anxiety are OK. This is part of life. Life goes through cycles of ups and downs. How you overcome a down cycle depends very much on how well you train. Just as much at the body falls into flight or fight mode during high stress situations, there comes the recovery cycle of the quite space and rejuvenation.

The ancient Chinese proverb tell us:

The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trial.”

Reino Gevers – Author. Mentor. Speaker

One more thing…

You might want to check out my new book “Deep Walking for Body, Mind and Soul” released as a paperback by Morgan James Publishing on August 11, 2020. It has some valuable tips on creating happiness and boosting your vibrational energy on many levels. You can order it at all major outlets such as Amazon, Barnes and Noble or in my own store.  Check out the latest five-star reviews on Goodreads.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is bookcovers_sideview.jpg

“A breathtaking, captivating, transformative walk,” – Tom Dutta, Canada

“The book reminded me of my own journey in life I am walking and how bringing stillness to my busy life and mind is essential.” – Karin, France

“The book compresses on its slim 190 pages an extreme density of life wisdom.” Christina Germany

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Are you lost?

Are you finding yourself lost and alone? Just when you thought you were on the right track you find yourself hitting a wall and not knowing a way out.

Photo by Maksym Kaharlytskyi on Unsplash

We have all had those moments. At times I have not only found myself lost on a remote mountain on the Camino in northwestern Spain but also on life’s journey. Inevitably I would get lost when I missed an important way marker while daydreaming and avoiding the warning signs from the universe.

Heeding the early warning signs when something is wrong

The universe will always be whispering to you. Especially when you are on the wrong track the whispers could turn into a “shout out”. Inevitably there will be those early warning signs where you feel intuitively that something is wrong.

A person is asking you to lend them money. They tell you they will most certainly pay you back within a month. There is that first feeling that you shouldn’t be doing this but the person is so convincing that you push that first doubt aside. Of course you remember that thought again when the person never complies and you have lost your money.

Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior

Despite a person’s charm the best predictor of a person’s future behavior is that person’s past behavior. Very few people can disguise for any length of time their true character traits. A pity then that falling in love often gets in the way of making a realistic assessment of a person’s character.

There are those small tell-tale signs. Small lies turn into big lies. Repeated assurances that it will not happen again. A change in the tone of voice, a look in the eye and you know something is just not right.

Trusting what the body is trying to tell you

The body is an excellent compass when it comes to trusting your intuition, and knowing. When does my energy expand? When is my energy getting depleted? Ignoring the inner voice of truth for any length of time will inevitably impact your mental and physical health.

Sleepless nights. A common cold not wanting to go away and pointing to a more serious underlying health issue? Regular high blood pressure problems indicating a high stress level and putting you at risk of a stroke or heart attack?

Very few crisis situations simply come out of the blue. Like getting lost on a walk it takes some time before you realize that you are on the wrong path. A call from a passing farmer might alert you to going back onto the right path. Advice from a good friend might prevent you from making a bad decision. But sometimes you do end up getting lost hopelessly. Such crisis situations however can be important lessons in the elevation of consciousness.

Lessons to be learning in a crisis

If you have the feeling that you have placed your ladder against the wrong wall, are unhappy with your situation, and maybe going through a period of sadness and depression, here is something you might consider doing:

  • What is my current situation trying to teach me?
  • What has the universe been trying to whisper to my soul?
  • What past experience feels similar and how did I get out of that situation?

If you feel lost or are finding yourself in a personal crisis situation it always means that something needs to change, has to be reconfigured, realigned, surrendered, let go-of.

But the fear of change and moving out of a comfort zone is one of the biggest human fears. The suffering in the silent misery of procrastination comes from the misconception that we are victims of external circumstance. But it is only half of the truth.

Our greatest freedom is the freedom of choice

The universe, or God, has at the same time given man the freedom of choice. The freedom of choice starts with your mindset. Am I programming myself into a victim mentality? Or am I programming myself to becoming a co-creator in the firm belief that whatever challenge I am confronted with is part of the lesson to be learned of an eternal soul on an evolutionary path of the human experience.

We make mistakes, take the wrong turns, trust the wrong people, make bad choices. It is part of the human condition. We are on a journey, picking up the cues and lessons while on the way.

Reino Gevers – Author. Mentor. Speaker

One more thing…

You might want to check out my new book “Deep Walking for Body, Mind and Soul” released as a paperback by Morgan James Publishing on August 11, 2020. It has some valuable tips on creating happiness and boosting your vibrational energy on many levels. You can order it at all major outlets such as Amazon, Barnes and Noble or in my own store.  Check out the latest five-star reviews on Goodreads.

BookCovers_Sideview

“A breathtaking, captivating, transformative walk,” – Tom Dutta, Canada

“The book reminded me of my own journey in life I am walking and how bringing stillness to my busy life and mind is essential.” – Karin, France

“The book compresses on its slim 190 pages an extreme density of life wisdom.” Christina, Germany

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What every crisis is trying to tell you

Especially during these times when the world seems to be falling apart and politics seems to have gone mad, a lot of people are having trouble remaining centered and protecting themselves from all the negativity.

It is easy to fall into the trap of joining conversations, especially on social media, painting apocalyptic scenarios of what our world might look like in the coming weeks and months.

Crisis_mentoring

A crisis happens for a reason

Covid-19 happened for a reason. Times of crisis are good times to readjust, to go into introspection, to change outdated structures, and to press the reset button with a clean slate.

A relationship conflict, a personal crisis, a dispute, or even a serious health diagnosis reveal the truths that need to be addressed. It brings to the fore the festering sore that needs healing. The elephant in the room is finally named. The child has spoken: “The emperor has no clothes.”

Here on the Mediterranean island of Majorca, where I live, the hospitality sector has been devastated and many businesses are going bankrupt. The island’s economy is 75 percent dependent on tourism with ten million people visiting annually with a local population of just under a million. The strain on the infra-structure from traffic, freshwater supplies to sewerage was palpably obvious. Now for the first time, the voices of those calling for a more upmarket, sustainable type of tourism are being heard. While some folk are wallowing in self-pity and blaming the virus others are already looking ahead and finding new opportunities.

A crisis is an imbalanced state that calls for correction 

From the ancient philosophy of the yin and yang of the Chinese Five Element theory, a crisis is a state of imbalance where the elements wood, fire, earth, metal, and water are trying to reconfigure.  Sometimes both on a personal and collective level humanity needs a jolt to wake-up. But the valid question remains:

“This still doesn’t remove my day-to-day bread and butter concerns and sleepless nights? These are some questions that might help when you are feeling strong emotions of fear and panic.

  • Is it really, really true? What are the actual facts at this point in time?
  • What is the worst possible thing that could happen?
  • What resources do I have available? Who do I know that I could ask and who could help?
  • How did I get through a similar crisis in the past?
  • I am absolutely certain that this too shall pass.

Impermanence and uncertainty is a law of life. The biggest challenge for every human being is to remain fully present. Nobody knows what tomorrow will bring. You are robbing yourself of the preciousness of life by imagining what will be next month, next year or in five years.

When you feel your head spinning, take a deep breath. Feel how you are breathing. Inhale and exhale with a conscious presence of mind. Inhale “Faith” – exhale “Fear”. Do it for so many minutes until you are actually feeling more relaxed and at ease. The solution to your problem comes from that empty space of quiet relaxation. The universe will always have an answer for you, even if not immediately.

One more thing…

You might want to check out my new book “Deep Walking for Body, Mind and Soul” released as a paperback by Morgan James Publishing on August 11, 2020. It has some valuable tips on creating happiness and boosting your vibrational energy on many levels. You can order it at all major outlets such as Amazon, Barnes and Noble or in my own store.  Check out the latest five-star reviews on Goodreads.

BookCovers_Sideview

 

“A breathtaking, captivating, transformative walk,” – Tom Dutta, Canada

 

“The book reminded me of my own journey in life I am walking and how bringing stillness to my busy life and mind is essential.” – Karin, France

 

“The book compresses on its slim 190 pages an extreme density of life wisdom.” Christina, Germany

 

 

 

 

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Where are you going?

Greetings,

this week I would like to share with you two really important ways on how you can stay focused and boost your vibrational energy, despite all the things happening out there in the external world.

Check out my video:

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Discovering the sacred within

The crisis triggered by a dangerous virus has not only shut down economies around the world but has also revealed a major mental health pandemic of fear, anxiety, and depression that has been simmering under the surface.

Ancient cultures were rooted in a unity between the external and inner worlds with the natural surroundings revered as sacred and infusing the inner world with meaning and purpose.

Flowers.jpg

The disconnect from the inner world

Our modern world is dominated by a sharp duality with an emphasis on the short-term gratifications extracted from the external world and a disconnect from the inner yearnings of the soul.

As we get caught up in the web of the 10,000 distractions the whispers from the inner world become ever greater. But the voice is suppressed in the smokescreen of illusory blasts from the media world. You feel that something is missing in your life when you find that the shine from the new outfit or car you bought fades shortly after the purchase. So what do you do? You go out to buy more “things.”

Exploitation and extraction versus sustainability and caring responsibility

Our consumer culture is a reflection of collective consciousness. The economy is based on the exploitation and extraction of resources from the natural surroundings. In Western culture, this mindset has mainly been created by a false understanding of the Bible scriptures in Genesis 1:28, in which man is given the cultural mandate to subdue and rule over the Earth.

“And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that (Heb. creepeth) moveth upon the earth.”

Especially the translations of “subdue” and “dominion” from Hebrew and the Aramaic, the language spoken by Jesus, have different meanings. Instead of exploitation, the call to humanity by God is like that to a king to take care of the weaker and the poor in his kingdom. Man is called to preserve the natural beauty of the environment entrusted to him.

How will we survive as a species?

We will only survive as a species when we rediscover the sacred within and regain that unity between the external and internal worlds. The duality we find ourselves in has led to an environmental crisis of unprecedented proportions. We are emptying the seas from fish and polluting it with plastic junk. The extraction of fossil fuels has led to a man-made climate crisis with the highest concentration of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere in human history.

The duality between the internal and external has also led to a mental health crisis in much of the industrial world. “The burden of depression and other mental health conditions is on the rise globally,” according to a World Health Organization (WHO) report.

We have lost something elementary in the sacrifice on the altar of materialism. Our mental and physical health is dependent on how we take care of both the inner and external world.

One positive side-effect of the pandemic seems to be that a lot of people are awakening to these realities and seeking solutions. There is a growing sense of introspection and the realization that our problems can only be solved when we all work together as humanity.

Finding solace in the quiet spaces of nature is one way of reconnecting and learning to perceive the whispers of the soul. The current pandemic crisis we find ourselves in is an opportunity to reach out to the core of BEING.

External belief structures are not providing the answers. There is a whole new world within that is waiting to be discovered on the deep walk within.
Reino Gevers – Author. Mentor. Speaker

https://www.reinogevers.com

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Shifting from the blame game

Sam went into early retirement some years ago and is battling financially in making ends meet with his small pension. I’ve known Sam for several years and decided some time ago to shift him from friends to a distant associate.

Who is abusing you as an emotional garbage bag? 

It took me a while to understand that spending time with Sam was emotionally draining because he spent most of the time blaming all that went wrong in his life on his family history. He is still dumping all his emotional baggage onto anyone willing to offer a sympathetic ear because unsurprisingly he has few real friends left.

Sam has spent most of his life living in quiet misery after a therapist told him that his authoritarian father and siblings were to blame for his depression.  Over the years he spent a fortune on different therapies with no noticeable change to his mental health.

I have a particular gripe against a certain school of therapy that seems to absolve the client of all responsibility for the circumstances they find themselves in, particularly when it comes to blaming family circumstances, bosses at work, former teachers, and former marriage partners for everything that has gone wrong.

The blame game is meanwhile becoming a collective behavior pattern where the heads of government, educational and religious institutions, big business, and global organizations are becoming the targets for venting toxic emotions. The vile language in some of the social media chats is revealing of the culture of entitlement.

 Just don’t take responsibility for your own life!

Divorce, separation, and early childhood trauma and neglect is almost everybody’s history. So what is the big deal? Get over it and move on and stop spending the rest of your life wallowing in self-pity like Sam. If you have suffered a major personal loss, the big question to ask is: What have I got left?

The first step in moving forward is acceptance

When famous British physicist Stephen Hawking was diagnosed early in his career with motor neuron disease that gradually paralyzed him, he did not fall into self-pity. All his mental capacity remained. When he was confined to a wheelchair and eventually lost his speech he could only communicate with a speech-generating device. Yet he continued traveling widely and working on numerous scientific studies. When Hawking died at the age of 76, he had become one of the world’s most renowned physicists.

With so many people at the moment suffering financial, health, and personal loss as a result of the pandemic, the first step is acceptance. Be true to yourself and accept that you are not responsible for external circumstances but very well responsible for your attitude toward those circumstances that are out of your control.

  • What can I learn from the new situation?
  • What resources, knowledge, networks can I activate?
  • What is the first step that I can take today to change my situation?
  • What are the things that I can still truly be grateful for?
  • What habits, attitude, and mindset can I change that will improve my vibrational energy that will in turn attract from the universe what I need?

Gratitude, self-care, humility, and self-respect is the antidote to blaming external circumstances and going into entitlement. By blaming the abuser you are giving that abuser power over you that he does not deserve. By accepting responsibility for your own life you are consciously regaining your self-respect and motivational energy to move forward.

Reino Gevers – Author. Mentor. Speaker

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