Monthly Archives: August 2023

Why nobody is safe from a cult

Have you asked yourself why decent, educated, and well-meaning people are pulled into the dragnet of a dangerous cult? Do you think you are immune to making the same mistake? All it takes for them to capture your mind is to push certain emotional triggers and feelings.

Times of uncertainty and rapid change impact personal lives in multiple ways. The world’s getting more complex. We are seeking easy answers and simple solutions. If you are at an especially vulnerable point in your life. If you haven’t done the self-work in transmuting archaic fears, anxieties, and anger issues, you are at risk.

Historians and psychologists to this day ask themselves why a highly civilized nation that brought forth some of the world’s greatest philosophers, writers, and inventors could literally “worship” in masses a madman demagogue like Adolf Hitler. Cult leaders in different variations are malignant narcissists, display psychotic personality disorders, and carry an extreme personal grievance.

Hitler perfectly epitomized and tapped into the collective humiliation and undercurrent seething anger Germans felt after losing a war and suffering hunger and poverty during the economic meltdown of the 1930s. With a rising number of extremist groups coming to the fore in once unshakeable democracies, scholars and historians are seeing dangerous parallels and comparisons to the 1930s and the rise of fascism that culminated in the catastrophe of World War II.

An “us-versus-them” mentality

Cult movements typically have an “us versus them” mentality, providing a “safe haven” for individuals who have suffered a personal loss or humiliation. The “tribe” in the form of an organization, religion or political movement with a charismatic leader at its head perceives all outsiders of the movement as a threat. They will pound the message of “exceptionalism” of their leader or group. The “non-believers” and especially minority groups are vilified and dehumanized. Followers of the cult inevitably break off contact with family, and friends who do not belong or refuse “to see the light.”

Control and Isolation

The control mechanisms of a cult can be on a very subtle emotional level. Once the member has gone all-in by severing long-term relationships, it becomes very difficult to return to the old life. Few people will admit to having made a mistake or the wrong decision after sacrificing the best years of their lives and donating all their money to the “movement” or “cause.” We are hard-wired as social beings and it gets very difficult to leave “the cult family”. Those who leave are vilified as traitors to the cause, threatened, and in extreme cases harmed physically and mentally.

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Group-Think, Lies and Deception

Once in the movement you inevitably become part of “group-think.” Members expressing the faintest doubts, who engage in a critical discourse or ask the wrong questions are shamed, coerced, and brought into line by the cult leader or his lieutenants. The critics will be told that they are “in their ego” or have strayed from the path – a favorite one in the religious cults. They will be playing on a core fear of most humans – the fear of being excommunicated from the safety of the tribe. Meanwhile, the real objectives and the financial dealings of the movement can be shrouded in mystery. The leader is always right. Excuses will be made over and over again as to why the leader could never be responsible for sexual misconduct, overspending on luxury items, or committing a serious crime.

Financial Exploitation

A common denominator of all cults is the financial exploitation of their members. They will be asked to contribute high membership fees, provide funds for a new temple, and pay for the private jet or the legal fees of the cult leader. At times members would have to donate all their assets to the movement for “the common good” as a sign of their commitment and loyalty. A small portion might be channeled to real charities as a marketing ploy while the major part will be kept by the cult leader for his personal needs.

Exploitation of vulnerabilities

You might say: “This can’t happen to me.” But cults and sects are masters at exploiting human vulnerabilities and emotions. Nobody is safe. A religious sect with a therapeutic New Age touch might catch you during an especially vulnerable point in your life when you are lonely and in need of social support and love, have just gone through a divorce, lost a loved one, or have a spiritual crisis.

The political cult and charismatic leader at its head will ensnare you if you haven’t dealt with your darkest toxic emotions such as anger and fear. You are functioning on “automatic” in the fight and flight mode of your reptilian mind, separated from the prefrontal cortex of your brain responsible for critical and logical thought.

Addiction to a cult has to be treated like any other addiction. First and foremost there is the need for an honest recognition and acceptance of the problem. Concrete action has to be taken like leaving the cult, breaking all contact with its members, and possibly leaving town. What lifestyle changes, support groups, and therapy are necessary? What would my life look like without the addiction? What freedoms would I be enjoying? How can I prevent relapse and find supportive friends with a higher vibrational energy?

If you are drawn to a charismatic leader with a hate-filled, and vindictive message, ask yourself: “What anger within me is he tapping into? What can I positively change in my life, instead of delegating action to the “political messiah.”?

Walking the path of your highest calling in personal freedom and liberty is foundational to fulfilling your soul destiny and living a life of bliss. By becoming subservient to a cult you are surrendering your unique God-given authenticity and weakening your self-esteem.

You have instead a wonderful opportunity to build on self-development from the gems and wisdom of many teachers past and present who have transcended the temptations of power and ego. If you should run into that “guru” offering a seemingly perfect solution or the only path to enlightenment – you had better run.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

P.S. My new book “The Turning of the Circle: Embracing Nature’s Wisdom for Purposeful Living” has just been published. You might also find my other books “Deep Walking for Body, Mind and Soul” and “Walking on Edge: A Pilgrimage to Santiago” of interest. They are available where all good books are sold.

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A time to reap your rewards

If you want to enjoy the rainbow you must be prepared to take the journey through pain

In our culture, there is a festering poison of feeling entitled to special benefits or privileges without having made any effort to attain them. If you haven’t invested in the pain and walked the burn that brought you success you will never fully appreciate what you have and risk losing all.

In the ancient Taoist philosophy of the Five Element late summer is associated with the Element Earth. Using the analogy from farming: If you have invested wisely in seeds and fertilizer to plant your crop in spring, and diligently irrigated and weeded your fields in the summer, you will most likely be in the fortunate position of reaping a good crop in late summer.

Every sports star knows that you have to be disciplined and train for several hours every day for several years to reach the top league. Learning a new language requires learning on a regular basis. If you start a new business you have to invest money first, risk failure and maybe start all over again before finally making it.

Investing more than the average

The most successful people constantly push their boundaries and do much more than the average. It not only demands thinking creatively, breaking free from self-imposed limitations, and pursuing ambitious dreams, but putting in the work and the effort.

An entitled person will only see the rewards and compare. “Why can’t I have the same? I’m after all more beautiful, more intelligent …” It is the mindset that spends more than it earns. It is reaping the crop before it has ripened. There is an old English proverb: “Cheat the earth and it will cheat you.”

Falling into the trap of the blame game

Unconscious people are in the blame game and weak because they are victims of everything. Instead of taking complete responsibility as the captain, they think everyone else is responsible for their unhappy condition.

It’s so easy then to accuse the government, other nations, other races, business competitors, parents, siblings, and other people of the situation we find ourselves in. Few people are capable of taking full responsibility for whatever happens in their lives.

The crop will never bear fruit and grow to its full potential if the field is overgrown with weeds. Bugs only thrive in an unbalanced environment.

We subconsciously accumulate customs, habits, and opinions from the people we surround ourselves with and the information with which we feed our brains.

In the book of Wisdom, the I Ging, the earth is described as the receptive, receiving, and softer energy of the female or yin. It is the counterpart, but not the opposing force of the creative Yang. The enormous and receptive force of Yin needs the Yang force to exert and channel the force.

In much the same way, the heroic leader studies the situation at hand, responding accordingly. Action is never taken without a clear grounding and the realization of what path needs to be taken.

Mother Earth provides life. She provides nutrition and room for all beings, be they of a good or bad predisposition. To illustrate this particular importance in comparison to the other elements, many of the ancient writings and drawings have the earth element positioned centrally with the other elements around it. It also emphasizes the importance that at the end of each change cycle, we go full circle back to earth—to the source.

We need thought processes and thinking to accomplish tasks and to give room to our ideas and creativity. The challenge is to get a feeling about when we cross our own boundaries and those of others.

Do I have enough resources to go ahead with plans? Do I make provision for more or for less? Do I have enough in reserve? Or do I live from too much-borrowed energy, becoming indebted to other people and borrowing money?

These are the questions that need to be asked in almost any life situation where the need for change or turnaround is called for, especially if we are feeling constant fatigue after surrounding ourselves with certain people or are met with constant obstacles.

The balanced earth person is trustworthy, generous, and of a stable temperament. They sometimes are slow to respond, but will be thinking things over carefully before giving you a reply. This could be very irritating for an imbalanced pumped-up person expecting a machine-gun reply.

Symbolically, he would be the plump, pot-bellied, sitting Buddha at peace with himself, centered with the universe, and observing calmly while everything around him is falling into loud chaos. They are the steadfast rock in the ocean storm.

In the philosophy of the Five Elements, the Earth is described as being gracious and filled with abundance for all that life has to offer. On the other hand, it demands respect and the absolute maintenance of ethical standards that encompass all living beings. If these are violated, the consequences can be merciless. What is my true motivation? What effect does it have on others? Am I orientated to fulfilling my own greedy needs, or do I have a broader picture in mind?

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

P.S. This is an extract from “The Turning of the Circle: Embracing Nature’s Wisdom for Purposeful Living” which has just been published. You might also find my other books “Deep Walking for Body, Mind and Soul” and “Walking on Edge: A Pilgrimage to Santiago” of interest – available where all good books are sold.

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Self-worth and finding purpose and meaning

As you walk the path of life with its up-and-down cycles of dealing with the loss of a loved one, a significant health issue, or financial challenges it is easy to lose self-esteem, passion, and your sense of purpose and meaning.

At the core of how you feel and care for yourself is how you define your place in the world. Are you passionately enjoying what you are doing? Are you a grateful and happy person when you get up in the morning?

What we call a “midlife crisis” can also be a time to redefine purpose and meaning. You might be finding yourself in an unfulfilling job or engaging in repetitive and monotonous routines that suck away your life energy. But you lack the courage or are too fearful to make the necessary changes.

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A once fulfilling or loving relationship has degenerated into hate and recrimination. A job that was aligned with your values and purpose has changed so much that it has just become emotionally and physically exhausting.

Loss of meaning and purpose shows itself in negative thinking, constant bickering, and irritability. You will be compensating the search for existential meaning with addictions to bad foods, alcohol, substance abuse, or digital entertainment. This lack of self-love and self-esteem will inevitably manifest itself in body shape and appearance.

Major life transitions, such as a job loss, retirement, or a divorce, can lead to shifts in identity and purpose. Goals, purpose, and meaning need to be redefined.

A healthy sense of self-worth can be cultivated with the three pillars: body, mind and soul.

  • Looking after your body by doing regular exercise is key. Only 4,000 steps a day of active walking in nature will already significantly boost your metabolism, bone density and mental health, according to latest research. Avoid processed foods, sugars, artificial sweeteners and soda drinks. A mainly Mediterranean diet of fresh fruit, vegetables, olive oil, fish, and a little meat not only feeds your body with vital nutrients but also your brain.
  • Feed your mind with positive thoughts. Replace a negative thought with a positive thought. What is going well? What is good in your life? Stop comparing yourself with others. There will always be people who appear to be wealthier, more successful, and happier than you. Read good books and train your mind by solving puzzles, learn a new skill or language.
  • Soul purpose, meaning, and validation are often found in a community or a tribe sharing the same values, and ideals. Experiential spirituality comes from within. Practices such as meditation, deep walking, mindfulness training can open the gateway to a profound spiritual experience, characterized by a sense of union with the divine, and a feeling of being interconnected with all of existence.

In essence. you have to define or redefine your purpose every new day. Be grateful to be alive. Every new day offers a new perspective and new opportunity. When on your authentic soul path, you will be evolving and growing until the day you die.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

P.S. If you’ve found this article of interest you might want to read more in my books. “The Turning of the Circle: Embracing Nature’s Wisdom for Purposeful Living” has just been published. You might also find my other books “Deep Walking for Body, Mind and Soul” and “Walking on Edge: A Pilgrimage to Santiago” of interest – available where all good books are sold.

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Are you a “no” person?

Are you finding yourself trapped in self-talk emphasizing all that is not possible when the universe is constantly sending you messages on how you can escape the negativity trap and live a life of purpose and meaning?

The story goes that a village in the Italian Alps was hit by floodwaters with all the locals quickly heeding warnings from rescue workers to leave in buses for shelters on higher ground. All but one man refused to leave. Eventually, the rescue workers came by in speed boats with the waters rising rapidly. Again the villager refused to leave saying: “God will look after me.”

Failing to get the message

As the waters rose the villager had to eventually climb onto his rooftop. A rescue helicopter swooped low offering help. Again the villager refused help: “I’m staying. I’m putting my trust in God to help me.”

The inevitable happened. The man drowned. Reaching heaven’s gate, he accused God of ignoring his prayers. “What do you mean?” God responded kindly. “First I sent buses to the village to rescue everyone, then I sent the rescue workers in speed boats and finally I sent the helicopter and you still refused to get the message.”

When trapped in a spiral of negativity or in the sadness of that which once was and is no more, you will never perceive the whispers of the universe, offering you new opportunities in the ever-turning cyclical spiral of life.

The message from the universe could come in a casual word dropped by a passenger in a train, an image on a billboard or in a book full of wisdom that puts you on a completely different trajectory.

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The underlying fear and trauma

If you have a partner, a dear friend or a family member who responds with a “no” to everything you are suggesting, then you might consider the following. There might be underlying fears and trauma for their negativity. They might be in the process of transmuting these fears and trauma by taking a necessary painful walk over the hot coals.

They might respond with “no” because they are stressed out and feeling emotionally drained. You will see with great clarity an opportunity for them, while they are not seeing it at all, making you angry for wasting your time with them. You can only react with patient communication and active listening in breaking down the barrier.

Stepping out of the comfort zone

Stepping out of the comfort zone takes courage. Most people would rather suffer all their life in quiet misery than make the change that could completely transform their life. One of the major reasons why people are risk-averse is that they fear the shame of failure and loss if things go wrong. Staying in the comfort zone provides a certain sense of predictability and control. Meanhwhile, the mental imposter feeds low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence with negative self-talk: “That’s impossible. I’ll never manage that. I can’t do that. I don’t have the skills, money, and talent that others have.”

The seeds of low self-esteem are often sown in early childhood with the constant criticism from parents, siblings, teachers and peer groups far outweighing tangible and positive reinforcement. Especially those individuals who are different or highly talented will feel the pressure to conform to the lowest common denominator of the tribe.

Meanwhile opportunity has been waiting all along at the other end of the smokescreen. Overcoming the fear of walking an unknown path involves acknowledging these fears, taking it one step at a time, building self-confidence by acknowledging those steps, and practicing self-compassion. The first steps are a painful walk in leaving well-known territory, and the “protection” of the tribe

But ultimately the walk into authenticity is highly rewarding. By facing and embracing new challenges consciousness and personal growth are elevated. You increase your resilience by facing all the storms of life.

There is no satisfaction greater than the realisation that the universe is sculpturing you into the person you were always meant to be.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

P.S. If you’ve found this article of interest you might want to read more in my books. “The Turning of the Circle: Embracing Nature’s Wisdom for Purposeful Living” has just been published. You might also find my other books “Deep Walking for Body, Mind and Soul” and “Walking on Edge: A Pilgrimage to Santiago” of interest – available where all good books are sold.

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The dragnet of regret

How often have you caught yourself going back into the past with the feeling of regret on the opportunities missed, the words you wished you had never said, and the things you would do differently if you could turn back the clock?

At times the feeling of regret can be so overwhelming that it’s like a dragnet pulling you down into a dark abyss of unhappiness. But according to author Daniel H. Pink regret is a fundamental part of our lives and can help us make smarter and better decisions in the future.

Based on the World Regret Survey, Pink has identified four core regrets.

Foundation regrets. These are regrets on the human need for some form of stability. Pink quotes Jason who says: “I regret not saving money diligently ever since I started working. It’s nearly crushing every day to think about how hard I’ve worked for the last twenty-five years or so, but financially I have nothing to show for it.”

Boldness regrets. Over time we are much more likely to regret the chances we didn’t take than the chances we did, whether its work choices, education or the choice of a partner. Foregone opportunities can be especially haunting during times of stress and pain.

Moral regrets. Most people wish to be seen as good people. But over time morally dubious decisions can be gnawing such as swindling in a business or cheating on a spouse.

Connection regrets. According to Pink fractured or unrealized relationships with spouses, partners, parents, friends, and all other close relationships constitute the largest deep structure category of regret.

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We can set very high standards to the self and are at times our own worst critic. The melancholy sadness and regret over that which was and is no more is not only debilitating but prevents you from moving forward. Many of our regrets can in fact be undone by making amends, reversing bad choices, and taking a different perspective by posing the questions: What did I need to learn and how can I make a better choice in moving forward? If I’ve harmed others, can I make amends through an apology or some form of emotional or material restitution?

Was the regret merely an unpleasant incident in your life or does it define your life? Practicing self-care and self-compassion can neutralize some of those feelings if you treat yourself like you would be treating your best friend.

You forge your identity with the story that you tell yourself. The first step is acceptance of that feeling or emotion of regret and replacing it with a positive thought moving forward. “I made a bad decision. I feel terrible about it. But I lovingly accept myself the way I am. I am harvesting from the rich experience and moving positively forward.”

In loving yourself you build the ability to nurture and better serve your relationships. The lesson of a door slammed shut is to do better next time.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

P.S. If you’ve found this article of interest you might want to read more in my books. “The Turning of the Circle: Embracing Nature’s Wisdom for Purposeful Living” has just been published. You might also find my other books “Deep Walking for Body, Mind and Soul” and “Walking on Edge: A Pilgrimage to Santiago” of interest – available where all good books are sold.

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Filed under mental health, mental-health, Uncategorized