“Many an adult is carrying within the burden of a wounded child”
I’m indeed fortunate to be living in Mallorca, one of the world’s most beautiful islands and a favorite European holiday destination. But these weeks in summer the most popular places are better avoided with some visitors showing little regard for local customs and the public space.
The partying, drinking, and drunken brawls are part of a mindset that seems to say: “I’ve come here to have fun. I will do as I please. I will throw my trash all over the place and urinate where I want to.” Local hoteliers and restaurant workers report that the behavior has never been so bad and we haven’t even reached the peak of the holiday season.
Such bad behavior not only shines a bad light on the countries these people come from but leads to increasingly restrictive local bylaws such as a ban on selling even non-alcoholic beverages or snacks at the beachside, and ever heavier spot fines. Mallorcans are renowned for their hospitality but there is now an understandably increasing pushback to clamp down on bad behavior.
I’ve often wondered why an increasing number of adults seem to lose the plot, have no situational awareness, and lack the most basic courtesy, especially when visiting a foreign country. The foundational stones of adult life are of course in many ways determined in early childhood, setting you up for success or failure in later life. But no matter what baggage from the past you are carrying on your shoulders you still have the power of choice.
Beyond the veil of much of the narcissism we find in today’s culture is the hurt inner child that has either suffered physical or emotional abuse or experienced a lack of emotional support. The narcissist suffers typically from a lack of self-esteem that constantly seeks validation in the center stage.
Emotional support, attention, and affection are crucial for a child’s healthy development. The wounded child may have been an unwanted child, having received little physical or verbal expressions of love and affection.
One or both of the caregivers may have been preoccupied, unavailable, and emotionally distant for much of the child’s life. They turn into adults who may have difficulty regulating their emotions and struggle with their interpersonal relationships or may suffer from anxiety and depression.
Self-care and healing the inner child
Healing the wounded inner child is key to unleashing your creative powers, self-esteem, and soul-driven purpose. It is never a one-off process but can be a lifetime journey of self-reflection and self-compassion.
The worst you can do is fall into the blame game, making your past responsible for all the mishaps in your life. The healing process starts by taking a different perspective and accepting the feelings and emotions from your childhood.
You can connect with your inner child by meditating on a picture of yourself at an age that was particularly hurtful or traumatic. Talk to that younger version of yourself offering parental comfort, support, and understanding that it didn’t have at the time. It is extremely helpful to start the process with the help of an experienced mentor or therapist.
Engage in activities that nurture the joy of the inner child
Even if most of your childhood was a long dark chapter, there were also moments where you experienced joy. Find out what gave you joy in the early stages of your life and whether you can expand on that in your adult life. Maybe it was playing with a favorite pet, reading a particular book, or watching a particular fairytale movie.
Setting boundaries
The hurt inner child has never learned to set healthy boundaries. Setting boundaries goes hand-in-hand with self-care. The more you start loving and practicing self-care with your inner child, the more you will become aware of what expands your energy and what sucks away at your energy level. Practice saying no to persons when you feel overwhelmed, when something doesn’t align with your values, or when you simply need your own space.
Healing the wounded inner child is a deeply personal journey, and different techniques or approaches may resonate with different individuals. Trust your instincts and the voice of your inner child.
Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker
One more thing...My new book “The Turning of the Circle: Embracing Nature’s Wisdom for Purposeful Living” can now be preordered as a Kindle edition on Amazon. Paperback and Hardback versions will be available in July 2023.
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