The Christian concept of forgiveness, especially the teaching of Jesus to “love your enemy as yourself”, is often deeply misunderstood. For many people, the idea sounds almost impossible. Is it truly possible to forgive someone who has committed a grave injustice against you? What about perpetrators of horrific crimes such as abuse or violence?
These questions strike at the heart of one of the most difficult teachings in the spiritual tradition.
The art of forgiveness, practiced in its deepest sense, may be one of the hardest challenges. Yet there is a profound truth behind it: holding onto resentment, anger, or hatred toward someone who has harmed you can gradually bind you to the very negativity you are trying to resist. When your thoughts become consumed by the wrong committed against you, you are running the real risk of becoming emotionally entangled with the same destructive energy.
Forgiveness is not primarily about the other person. It is about the soul’s inner liberation and what Jesus really meant in his Sermon of the Mount.
What Jesus Actually Meant
When Jesus spoke about loving one’s enemies, he was not advocating passive submission to injustice or asking victims to excuse evil. His teachings were aimed at something deeper: the transformation of the human heart.
Jesus challenges humanity to step out of the cycle of retaliation and hatred that defines so many conflicts. Violence and revenge create an endless chain reaction in which each generation inherits the anger of the previous one.
The teaching to “love your enemies” is essentially an invitation to break that chain.
Forgiveness does not deny that a crime or injustice occurred. Rather, it prevents the injury from defining your life or the collective life of a nation.
The Wisdom of the Mystics
Christian mystics and sages throughout history have interpreted forgiveness in this deeper psychological and spiritual sense.
Mystics understood that resentment is not only a moral issue but also a spiritual and emotional burden carried within the human psyche. When you cling to hatred, you imprison yourself in a narrative that continually reopens old wounds.
For the mystics, forgiveness was therefore a form of inner freedom.
It meant releasing the emotional poison associated with the memory of an injustice. It meant refusing to allow the actions of another person to dictate the state of your soul.
The great medieval mystic Meister Eckhart spoke often about the necessity of inner detachment as the path to spiritual freedom. In one of his teachings, he wrote:
“All that God asks you most pressingly is to go out of yourself… and let God be God in you.”
Eckhart’s insight points to something profound. As long as you cling to resentment, anger, and the stories of your injuries, you remain trapped within the narrow confines of the wounded ego. Forgiveness, in the mystical sense, is a form of letting go of that inner prison.
This does not mean denying pain or pretending that something terrible did not happen. Rather, it is the conscious decision not to let bitterness shape your identity.
The Cycle of Revenge
History offers countless examples of how easily the oppressed can become the next oppressors when resentment, hate, or retribution goes unchecked.
The Iranian revolutionaries who overthrew the Shah in 1979 executed thousands. Revolutionary movements in France, Russia, and China promised liberation, yet often unleashed new waves of brutality under figures such as Lenin and Mao Zedong. The white Afrikaners in South Africa, who once suffered under British colonial rule, became oppressors themselves during the apartheid regime.
The same pattern can occur on a deeply personal level. The abused child may grow into an abusive adult. The daughter of an alcoholic parent may later struggle with addiction herself.
These tragic cycles demonstrate how unprocessed trauma and resentment can replicate the very behavior that once caused suffering.
Breaking this cycle requires more than justice alone. It requires inner transformation.
Forgiveness Is Not Reconciliation
One of the greatest misconceptions about forgiveness is the belief that it means excusing wrongdoing or restoring a relationship with the offender.
It does not.
Forgiveness does not require you to trust someone who has proven untrustworthy. It does not mean returning to a harmful relationship. Nor does it mean denying the need for justice or accountability.
Forgiveness simply means releasing the toxic emotional hold that the past may still have over you.
You may never see the person who harmed you again. They may even be long deceased. Yet the anger, shame, or pain connected to that experience can remain alive within you.
Forgiveness allows you to reclaim your inner space.
The Health of the Body and Mind
Modern research increasingly confirms what spiritual teachers have long suggested. Studies indicate that forgiveness can reduce chronic stress, lower blood pressure, and improve heart health.
The body and mind are deeply interconnected. Long-term resentment keeps the nervous system in a state of tension and vigilance, while forgiveness can help restore emotional balance and calm.
In this sense, forgiveness is not only a spiritual act—it is also an act of self-care.
A Journey, Not a Moment
Forgiveness is rarely a single decision made once and for all. It is often a gradual process that unfolds over time.
Sometimes you may believe you have forgiven someone, only to discover years later that a certain remark from a colleague or a supervisor unexpectedly triggers a disproportionate emotional reaction. In that moment, you realize that part of the original wound is still alive.
Such moments are not failures. They are invitations to continue the process of healing.
Forgiveness requires courage because it forces you to confront your own inner shadows—the pain, anger, and vulnerability you would often prefer to avoid.
Three Practical Steps Toward Forgiveness
Forgiveness is rarely a single moment of decision. More often, it is a gradual inner practice that unfolds over time. These three simple steps can help begin that process.
- Acknowledge the Wound
Forgiveness begins with honesty. Recognize the pain, anger, or betrayal you experienced without minimizing it. Suppressed emotions inevitably resurface later in unexpected ways. Naming the wound through reflection, prayer, or journaling helps bring it into the light.
- Release the Grip of Resentment
Forgiveness means choosing not to let the offense and grievance control your inner life. It does not excuse the wrongdoing or remove the need for justice. Rather, it is the decision to stop feeding the resentment and to free yourself from the emotional hold of the past. Meditation and breathing exercises that help focus the mind on the beauty and abundance of the present moment are useful tools.
- Turn Pain Into Insight
Over time, difficult experiences can deepen wisdom and compassion. Forgiveness allows the wound to become a source of understanding rather than a lifelong burden. The event remains part of your story, but it no longer defines your life or identity.
Reino Gevers – Host of the LivingToBe podcast
P.S.: If you enjoyed this article, you might be interested in my latest book, Sages, Saints, and Sinners. Get it today on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and wherever good books are sold.
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