Imagine human life eons ago when small communities mainly lived in caves. Exclusion from the protection of the community meant certain death from wild animals or the cold. It is part of our DNA to be seen and validated by those closest to us. It gives us that sense of belonging. But what if your tribe is pulling you down from your true destiny?
We have all at some point in our lives felt the devastating feeling of loneliness and fear that comes with bullying and emotional abuse, either by close family members, fellow students at school, or on social media. Compromise after compromise is made to please our tribe, to the point where we are denying our very essence.
The urge to serve family and community is deeply ingrained. It gives purpose and meaning. Conforming to the rules, habits, opinions, and beliefs of those closest to us is the glue that cements the tribal bonds. In the Iberian peninsular, where I live, ancient rituals are very much part of the common bond. Village festivals and the singing and dancing at these celebrations are very much part of daily life.
In loving, functional communities people take care of each other. Elderly people find respect and help. Raising and educating children is seen as not only a parental but a communal responsibility. People can depend on each other when in need.
In our narcissistic culture individual needs have however very much taken precedence over the needs of the village community. The tribe is mainly a virtual one with members defining their rituals and sharing information online. Where in the past the tribe was limited to a few dozen people, it can today be millions. Rumor and gossip that was at most shared in the village could in today’s world be read by millions of people in many parts of the world. Many a famous person can testify to the devastating effect fake news or online bullying has had on their lives.
Toxic emotions cloud reality
While love and empathy enrich human life on all levels, the opposite unfortunately is also true. The shadow side of human nature can easily be manipulated by the emotions of hate, fear, and anxiety. Dark emotions can completely cloud the perception of reality which is why it is such a powerful manipulative tool in the hands of cult leaders and political demagogues. You might not even notice that you have become part of a deeply dysfunctional tribe as you find every excuse possible to justify the actions of the captain steering the ship toward the iceberg.
As you elevate to higher consciousness in training your awareness and sense of presence, you will inevitably find members of your tribe trying to pull you back down to the lower vibrational frequency. Tribes don’t tolerate behavior or attitudes that differ from the tribal norms. They define themselves in “separateness” from the other and no better way to do that is by making the other tribe your sworn enemy. An enemy cannot be loved and needs to be crushed and eliminated. There is no better way to cement tribal bonds than to have a common enemy.
What is a healthy tribe?
Dysfunctional families, football teams, companies, and even nations ultimately destroy themselves because they have not understood the principle of life and creation. All of life exists in a complex web of inter-relationship and co-dependency. Healthy nations and tribes cooperate with each other for the greater benefit of all.
Fascism feeds on hate, division, and destruction of everything that does not comply with its own ideology and belief. The opposite of fascism is holistic by nature in practicing compassion, liberty, and freedom for all.
If you belong to a healthy tribe you are one of the lucky few. People will see who you are. They will support and celebrate your victories and accomplishments together with you. They will validate you wherever possible. Criticism will come in a positive helpful way out of mutual respect. It is what the tribal chiefs of the most highly successful companies have understood. If you treat your employees with respect and dignity your business will flourish because customers and business partners just enjoy doing business with people who have good vibes.
The negative emotions of hate, anger and fear will make you sick while positive feelings such as empathy, compassion, elatedness, freedom, and humaneness have multiple positive effects on body, mind, and soul. Thought leader Jim Rohn once famously said that you are the average of the five people you spend most of your time with. Sometimes it is necessary to take a long hard look at the people you spend most of your time with and to set boundaries for your own health.
If you have grown up in an emotionally neglected or abusive family or your current family or “friendship” tribe is dysfunctional, it might just be time to move on as a matter of urgency and survival. Loyalty to a tribe should not stand in your way to living a life of happiness and bliss. You have been given the power of choice. You can choose to have a different tribe.
Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker
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