Category Archives: mental health

by | December 30, 2021 · 6:02 pm

Recasting yourself for 2022

“In every change, in every falling leaf, there is some pain, some beauty. And that’s the way new leaves grow.”
― Amit Ray

The past two years have been a rough ride for many people. Many of us no doubt went into the year thinking the pandemic would soon be over. It seems now, however, that we will just have to learn to live different lives than we had envisioned.

One of the laws of life is unpredictability. At the same time our habits, fears, and mental resilience, in essence, determine how we deal with unexpected changes and challenges.

It is when the rug is pulled from your feet when the familiar map disappears when you are forced out of home territory that the universe is also offering you the greatest opportunity to reframe and redefine yourself.

How did you start the previous year?

Life is never a linear trajectory. How you look at things is a matter of mindset and perspective. How about looking back at the beginning of the old year and what thoughts you had then. Did you have any resolutions on how you would approach the year? Did those resolutions come to fruition? In fact, studies show that most people give up on their resolutions before the month of January has even ended.

A much better way of starting the New Year is by reflecting on the blessings of the past year. What were those five best moments and successes you had? Looking back will help you pick up on the positive lessons you learned and what positive habits you can build on. 

  • What three key lessons did I learn during the past twelve months?
  • What has to be accepted that cannot be changed?
  • What old relationships, concepts, and ideas do I have to liberate myself from?
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Starting a daily gratitude ritual

Numerous studies show that people who have a daily gratitude practice and who count their blessings are happier in their lives. It shifts your attention from what is negative to what is positive in your life.

There are two exercises you could do in making the start of the year more positive. Start and end your day with a gratitude ritual. What three major positive experiences, meetings, or insights did I have during the past 24 hours?

We instinctively know that living a more fulfilled and happier life is linked to what habits we pursue. This is why we like to clean the slate and start the New Year with a positive outlook. But there are two common mistakes why most people give up on their good intentions:

  • The plan is too ambitious and unrealistic. A long list of all the things you want to change will leave you with nothing done. Keep what you want to change short, simple and realistic. If you want to get out of debt. Start by putting a small amount of money onto a savings account every month and don’t touch it. If you want to exercise more, start with a short ten-minute walk instead of trying to do a half hour every day. Improve on your diet and avoid all white sugars as a first start. Small changes in your daily routine, done every day of every week and every month bring about the big changes.
  • Negative self-talk will inevitably scuttle all your good intentions. How you talk to yourself has an immense influence. “I will never be able to do this?” “I’m not good at this.” “I was just born fat and ugly.” “Life is just the way it is and I just have to bear with it.” Try to turn the conversation around. “What can I learn from this?” “I love and accept myself unconditionally.” “I am blessed, everything is good and will turn out fine in the end.”

Change comes with small steps

Changing your set routines and habits starts with small steps. A good way of tricking the mind into doing something positive is by “piggybacking” a positive habit with an existing habit. If you have to take the dog out for a walk anyway, try taking a different route next time and walking a little longer. Or park the car some distance away from your workplace so that you are forced to do that extra walking. Replace a negative thought with a positive thought. Try breaking typical routines like reading a chapter in a good self-help book instead of spending the evening watching Netflix.

Highly successful people never rest on their laurels. They are continuously refining their self-development, knowledge, associations, physical and mental well-being. It is in finding a true purpose that we become who we are meant to be from the day we were born. Quiet moments of introspection, meditation, and deep walking in nature are crucial for realignment and aligning your intentions with the intentions of the universe.

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Positive relationships

The pandemic has spotlighted how important our close relationships and network of supportive people can be during a time of crisis. Everything becomes so much easier if we are not “in it alone”. We are social beings. It is part of our DNA to feel seen, heard, and loved by those people most important in our life. If you are surrounded by positive-minded, uplifting people your stress resilience will be so much higher than that person who locks himself in a room and blames everyone else in the world for his misery. Good relationships are nurtured by reciprocity. If you are having trouble building friendships and maintaining long-term relationships, you need to ask yourself: What can I change in my behavior and thought patterns to draw the people into my life who do me good?

Life is a roller-coaster of constant change. We move through stages of joy, happiness, melancholy sadness, or frustration. The human story is marked by loss, failure, and setback. But is also one of joy, happiness, and celebration of the beauty that is life. It is the law of the yin and yang. If you are having a hard time at this point in your life you can be assured that this too will pass.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

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by | December 14, 2021 · 9:05 am

Authenticity versus narcissism

Chances are if you are following the crowd, you’re following the wrong path.

– Bob Proctor–

Narcissism is defined as an excessive interest and or admiration of the self. The basic human need to be validated and to be heard however seems to have fallen prey to the stranglehold of the ego-mind in a society obsessed with the glitter of immediate gratification.

The need to conform to societal parameters of success, beauty, or fame comes with the high price of disconnect from soul nature and authenticity with all the resulting consequences in the form of stress and mental illness.

Teenagers moving from childhood to adulthood in the struggle of finding their identity are particularly vulnerable to the dictates of the fashion, norms, and cultural beacons of their peer group. Those not following the crowd are bullied into isolation and will feel particularly suicidal if they do not have a safety net to fall back on.

Unsurprisingly we are seeing an exponential rise in mental illness and suicides among teenagers. Suicides among adolescents and young adults aged 10-24 have increased in the United States by nearly 60 percent in the period 2007-2018. Researchers pinpoint multiple causes but the negative effects of excessive use of social media are undisputed.

Creating a brand on social media has become in vogue. The lifestyle and “happy images” posted on social platforms have become the perfect platform for what has ballooned into a collective narcissistic culture.

Seldom do we see portrayed the authentic circumstances of a person’s struggles, pains, and up-and-down cycles triggered by life’s circumstances. It becomes a major mental stress factor to conform to an artificial image that bears little resemblance to what is real and authentic. The echo chambers of the media industry are ruthless when the cracks to authenticity begin to show. Here are some of the differences between narcissism and authenticity:

  • While narcissism is directed toward external validation and acceptance, authenticity turns inward to galvanise the forces of unconditional service to a bigger cause.
  • Narcisissism is immune to self-development and will defend with all means available the right to be right and the image it has created. Authenticity is open to constant adaptation, evaluation, growth and elevation of consciousness. It will admit to mistakes and failure.
  • Narcisissm is anchored within imagined thought and personality while authenticity is rooted within soul and heart.

Much of the mental exhaustion we are seeing around us stems from the lack of authenticity and disconnect from soul nature. The pain will at some point become unbearable when all the energy is focused on creating an external image that is incongruent with soul destiny.

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Children still connected to their true nature will sometimes tear down the facade of image and conformity, much to the embarrassment of the adults around. It is why Jesus once said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”

It is a call to reconnect to the innocent authenticity of the child. When you do what you are destined to become you will connect to the inner child and feel an expansion of energy, vitality, and connection. Can you recall an incident from your childhood when you last felt unconditional love and joy? Those are the clues to follow when it comes to connecting the dots that lead you from the head mind into the heart-mind of authenticity.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

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by | December 7, 2021 · 8:15 am

Family and Christmas: Joy or challenge?

If you think you are enlightened go spend a week with your family

– Ram Dass-

As we approach the festive season you might be feeling a little trepidation as expectations run high and family dynamics inevitably come into play. It’s a time where also the shadows from the past can come to a head.

Expectation and reality

Especially for those on the path of self-development the quote from Ram Dass is so revealing because it is easy to fall into the trap of the spiritual ego that is telling you: “I’m done with that. I’ve got it now. I’ve learned my lesson. Everyone else in the family has just not got it yet.”

Relationship with parents is challenging because it inevitably defines all future relationships on a subliminal level. A strong emotional bond can swing on the pendulum from love and affection to anger, aggression, disappointment, and melancholy sadness.

The major disappointment stems from the societal indoctrination of the perfect Christmas show. The reality is that families go through break-ups, separation, loss, and all the dynamics that come with multiple patchwork constellations.

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Avoiding the booby traps

Families are a reflection of society and we are seeing increasing divisiveness fanned by the information silos of social media. Children are severing all ties with parents and vice versa over even such issues as political and religious affiliation, vaccinations, or climate change. It is even more difficult to accept a differing opinion from somebody who is a cherished family member. Moreover, these topical issues are often a smokescreen of much deeper underlying conflicts, stemming from childhood hurts or trauma. It explains much of the heated exchanges and arguments over “an issue”.

Mindful acceptance

It is in most cases wasted energy to engage in an argument with a family member, or anyone else for that matter if an opinion becomes a belief. This is sometimes the best approach: “I hear you. I see you. I love and respect you but I beg to differ on that matter and we should just leave it at that.”

The spiritual lesson

There is much to be said about the Buddhist teachings on the Karmic bonds between family members where we enter “into soul contractual” agreements prior to birth in order to elevate our spiritual consciousness.

Family constellation therapy can reveal those defining behavior patterns and traits that often go back many generations in the family lineage. How we relate to our parents, the primordial relationship pinpoints at the same time the greatest lessons we need to learn.

Family: The blessing and the curse

If you come from a family where traumatic emotional and physical abuse was the norm a strong separation boundary is often the only solution. Even, what we term as a “normal family” would in most cases realistically be defined as dysfunctional. Often what is seen as “harmonious” from the outside is a shrewd strategy to conform to societal expectations – a particularly common trait during the 1950s – and we all know how that turned out.

We, humans, are complex multi-faceted beings. Family is more often than not constant crisis-management in juggling different needs and expectations. It is the same challenge we face in all our relationships in communicating these different perspectives. We need more humble acceptance that we are incomplete beings.

The point of life is that it was never meant to be an easy ride in a comfort zone. Every crisis is merely putting the finger in the wound of where the seeds of opportunity lie waiting for further growth, change, and evolution of consciousness.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

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by | November 30, 2021 · 9:07 am

Is humanity doomed?

A crew of fishermen sailed far onto the ocean. They waited patiently to pull in their catch when one of the men suddenly started punching a hole in the boat with an ax. Aghast the others pleaded with him to stop as they would all sink and drown. Unperturbed the man responded: “But this is my spot and I can do here as I please.”

The analogy is fitting when I read and hear arguments from friends who are still refusing to get vaccinated against COVID. Apart from arguments that it is “all a plot from big pharma” to the many side effects a vaccine could have, I’m also hearing that “it’s my body and my choice.”

Almost certainly you will also have such friends and family members. Engaging in an argument with them is wasted energy. You can only hope that they will at some point change their mindset.

Once an opinion becomes a belief and part of ego-identity, people hardly ever change their minds. An ego-mind will never admit that it was wrong and had all the time placed its bets on the wrong horse.

The pandemic has many lessons for humanity

The pandemic has many lessons for humanity as it transitions to the higher consciousness and the realization that we are one humanity. At the same time, we are seeing massive pushback from that side of humanity that refuses to progress into the new era and is clasping to outlived egocentric ideologies.

The virus is showing little regard for geographic boundaries and rich nations are beginning to realize that vaccines can’t be hoarded and should be made available to every human being on the planet. Societies are at the same time being torn apart over the question of how much we are willing to sacrifice our individual liberties and freedom of movement to protect the most vulnerable amongst us.

Like the man trying to cut a hole in the boat, there are limits to our high western ideal of individual liberty and freedom. It stops at that cutting edge where individual behavior and choice negatively impact society and humanity as a whole. Our societies would indeed be poorer on multiple levels if we lose our compassion for the weakest amongst us.

Our other big challenge, the climate crisis and humanity’s impact on entire ecosystems, is likewise showing us that we can only survive if we agree on some basic values and truths on how to keep the boat afloat.

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The fear of change

Every crisis at the same time lays bare where action needs to be taken. The solutions to winning the war over the pandemic and solving the climate crisis are well known. But humans are naturally averse to making changes, especially taking action that involves personal sacrifice.

In the same way, people will remain in notoriously dysfunctional relationships for years or stay in unhappy jobs because they are more afraid of change than remaining in the status quo. For, at its lowest denominator it remains a “predictable place of safety.”

However, there inevitably comes a point where the pain of the status quo becomes so painful that you will be galvanized into action. It’s like the alcoholic denying he has a real problem for many years until that one experience or epiphany has such impact that it pivots him into going into rehab.

You do not have to wait for that big moment of pain and darkest night of the soul moment. The universe, God, or divine intelligence, will always be dropping waymarkers along the way when you are moving in the wrong direction.

When you try to force the boat upstream you will eventually lose willpower and energy. By imposing or forcing an issue you inevitably go into tension. A solution can never be found during a stressed-out state of mind. A high level of stress hormones puts the body in a fight or flight mode. The solution might be right in front of you and you will not see it.

This is why we need a good balance between stress and recuperation cycles. Your mind will answer the most vexing question if you learn to put those dancing monkeys in the head at rest by learning to relax body, mind, and spirit.

Stress always begins with a thought and mostly it is about things outside of your control. If you adopt the attitude that ultimately everything serves a purpose and in some way happens for you instead of against you, everything becomes easier to deal with.

Alignment exercises can be a huge help. These could be anything from taking a deep walking nature meditation, alternate breathing, yoga, qi gong, and tai chi. The ancient low-impact body arts are becoming ever more popular methods of reconnection and alignment into that inner space of truth and authenticity.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

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by | November 22, 2021 · 7:45 pm

When nature moves closer

Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.

—Lao Tzu

Relationship to the self defines the relationship to nature. For too long we as humans have defined ourselves as a separate entity to the natural world that needed to be controlled, exploited, and subjugated. Gradually the realization is dawning that nature is an expression of the divine and that we are an integral part of the whole.

Feeling, breathing, and aligning with nature during a deep walking experience is one of the most underrated and best forms of healing, especially when you might be feeling overwhelmed and frustrated by all the negativity of the external world.

Aligning and healing with the help of nature

Some years ago I had a profound experience on one of my pilgrimage walks on the Camino de Santiago in northwestern Spain. I started the walk feeling exhausted and stressed out. Inevitably my thoughts would wander back to the daily treadmill of life.

Then, in the following days, as I found my natural walking rhythm I noticed nature coming closer. I was starting to smell the grasses and herbs along the path. Birds would fly close by, stray dogs would follow me for part of the way. On the mountain tops of the Camino Primitivo giant vultures sat motionless a mere two arms lengths away.

I started practicing going in sync with my surroundings by attuning my senses to one element in nature at a time. It would either be the butterflies dancing ahead of me, the calming sound of a creek nearby or just feeling the sensation of a breeze against my skin.

Immersing in nature in this way, I found, has an enormously regenerative and calming effect on all senses. I practice these exercises in nature now as often as I can, having the added benefit of living on a beautiful island in the Mediterranean.

Science confirms the positive effects of the green and blue spaces

Several scientific studies have meanwhile confirmed that the connection with the blue and green spaces in nature has many positive physical and psychological effects. Humans are naturally drawn to a beautiful river or lake.

The Japanese practice of shinrin yoku, or Forest Bathing, has been proven to reduce stress hormone levels and lower heart rate and blood pressure. Trees and plants emit substances called phytoncides which have been found to boost the immune system. 

Studies by Qing Li, a Japanese scientist who has been carrying out shinrin yoku research for many years, showed that Forest Bathing increases the Natural Killer cell activity in people, with at least some of this effect coming from phytoncides.

David Strayer, a psychology professor at the University of Utah, conducted a study in which participants saw a 50 percent improvement in creative problem solving after only three days immersed in nature with all access to modern technology removed.

We are very much a species that has lost its way, having become disconnected from nature while emphasizing technological advancement. It has become more pronounced in recent years with the addiction to digital gadgets with the average person in the United States spending about ten hours a day glued to a computer, smartphone, or television screen.

The sages of old, the Mystics and Shamans, have all tought us that nature offers so many important lessons if we would only stop and listen. Every significant place and and animal has a story and a legend. By reconnecting with nature we return to ancient wisdom, to a place of solitude deep inside – the power of the present moment.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

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by | November 16, 2021 · 7:33 am

The monkey in a cage

“Attachment is the great fabricator of illusions; reality can be obtained only by someone who is detached. ”
― Simone Weil

Much of what I’m seeing and hearing in the public discourse reminds me of how trappers in the wild catch a monkey. All it takes is a small cage with a bunch of bananas inside. The monkey will grab the tasty treat through a hole in the cage. But when trying to pull out the banana the hole is too small. The monkey will refuse to let go of the banana. Even with a real threat, the hunter, coming closer the monkey will still refuse to let go and is captured.

It is much the same with fixated beliefs, ideologies, and political persuasions. I read the other day a report of Covid patients still refusing to believe they had been infected with the virus while dying in a hospital intensive care unit. Everybody is entitled to an opinion. But if you are unable to adapt, change or review your opinion in the light of new evidence or facts you are also refusing to grow and elevate your consciousness.

So many minds, it appears are captured by the drumbeat of information silos where we are seeing debate marked by an extremely negative and divisive narrative. During these times it has become more important than ever to remain aligned with that inner spark of peace and beauty.

How we speak and what we speak about is a reflection of our thoughts. The actions we take are a reflection of how connected we are to the heart mind and soul nature. Evil thoughts and evil actions inevitably lead to evil fortune.

The wisdom of the ancient Mystics can be a good guideline. Basic human nature has not changed much over the centuries. There will always be a segment of people who don’t give any regard to the outcome of their actions. Meister Eckhart, the great Dominican friar of the early fourteenth century, warned against those whose “sole concern is how to gain honors, wealth and pleasure.”

These people, according to Eckart, are those who lack all sense of humility by “running in front of God.” Inevitably their lives will be haunted by what they call bad luck or a bad hand. They will be blaming God, fate, people different from themselves, and basically everyone for what has gone wrong in their lives. They are filled with hate, resentment, and anger. They are the malignant narcissists of our age who seek only personal validation and glory. They will never change their opinion and are captured by attachment.

Letting go of attachments

Attachment can be defined as a strong emotional bond to a person, thing, or cause. In extreme cases, it can be closely intertwined with personal perception and identity.

According to Eckart, there are those “imperfect” people who “walk close by God”, wishing to lead God rather than be led by him. They would like God’s will to be their will. We are seeing much of this behavior in religious and political fundamentalism. They are idealists at heart believing that the world would be an entirely different place if a certain ideology. belief or behavior is adhered to.

The “perfect” ones bow to humility in following God on a path that can also be one of hardship and suffering but ultimately leads to a life of bliss and happiness, according to Eckardt. It is what the Buddhists call living a life liberated from all forms of attachment.

It can also be understood as finding the connection to the inner spark of truth. Joy is found in the truth which all desire that is the pursuit of God’s will, according to Eckart. The Mystic describes walking the path of truth and pursuing the will of God as “an ardent desire” where we are “illuminated and captivated by the depth of our being.” Walking behind is described as “sinking into the essences” of all things.

Surrendering to a higher will instead of trying to impose your will is key to effective visualization practice. If desire becomes attachment you will be held captive to procrastination and be closing the door to the flow of the Tao or the universal energy. This is at the root of much of the unhappiness we are seeing around us. Attachment prevents the view from a different perspective where often the solution lies. You have to let go of everything “to win everything.”

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

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by | November 15, 2021 · 11:59 am

Is grievance culture contaminating your life?

“Maturity is when you stop complaining and making excuses in your life; you realize everything that happens in life is a result of the previous choice you’ve made and start making new choices to change your life.”― Roy T. Bennett

One of the biggest obstacles toward improving your vibrational energy, your mental health and your general sense of wellbeing is falling prey to the grievance culture currently appearing to dominate the public narrative.

The inner dialogue is primarily focused on some perceived external enemy responsible for all that has gone wrong in your life. You have abdicated responsibility for your past choices and actions. Everything that has gone wrong in your life is the responsibility of …

Entire countries and cultures can become obsessed with grievance culture, sometimes based on historical events or tragedies going back centuries. How far do we have to go back to historical comparisons or history? The nations of the European Union have fought bitter wars with each other for generations, finally realizing that peaceful, mutual cooperation is more beneficial for all.

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Sadly in my home country, South Africa, “colonialism” seems to serve as an excuse for everything that is going wrong such as widespread government maladministration and corruption. This does not justify by any means British imperialism. My grandfather fought against the British in the Boer war and was held by the British as a prisoner of war on the island of St. Helena. It would be just as stupid comparing today’s Britain to the Britain of 1901 as comparing modern Germany to the Nazi Germany of the 1930s.

The loudhailers of grievance culture

Yet, the virus of grievance culture seems to infect a growing number of ordinary, educated people seeking simple answers to complex problems. Demagogues and political extremism is on the rise in most countries. The common denominator is that these groupings are mostly led by cult-like figureheads who become the loudhailers of grievance.

Russian President Vladimir Putin is obsessed with grievance as is former U.S. president Donald Trump. Putin has constantly spun the tale of the West’s responsibility for the collapse of the Soviet Union, the economic decline during the post-Soviet era, and Russia’s victimhood. Trump is obsessed with a “stolen election”, and a similar victimhood of a “deep state” conspiring against him.

Learning from the ancient Mystics

Once caught in the maelstrom of grievance culture all sense of humility and self-responsibility is lost. As the great 13th-century Mystic Meister Eckart wrote in one of his sermon’s. It is “running in front of God”. It is falling prey to the Ego-Mind.

The Ego-Mind will be blaming God, fate, people different from themselves, and basically everyone for what has gone wrong in their lives. They are filled with hate, resentment, and anger. They are the malignant narcissists of our age who seek only personal validation and glory. They will never change their opinion and are captured by attachment.

Attachment can be defined as a strong emotional bond to a person, thing, or cause. In extreme cases, it can be closely intertwined with personal perception and identity.

According to Eckart, there are those “imperfect” people who “walk close by God”, wishing to lead God rather than be led by him. They would like God’s will to be their will. We are seeing much of this behavior in religious and political fundamentalism. They are idealists at heart believing that the world would be an entirely different place if a certain ideology. belief or behavior is adhered to.

Joy is found in truth and humility

The “perfect” ones bow to humility in following God on a path that can also be one of hardship and suffering but ultimately leads to a life of bliss and happiness, according to Eckardt. It is what the Buddhists call living a life liberated from all forms of attachment.

It can also be understood as finding the connection to the inner spark of truth. Joy is found in the truth and the pursuit of God’s will, according to Eckart. The Mystic describes walking the path of truth and pursuing the will of God as “an ardent desire” where we are “illuminated and captivated by the depth of our being.” Walking behind is described as “sinking into the essences” of all things.

If you find yourself in the dark hole of complaining about everything wroing in your life or about the weather, politics, your employer or your spouse, then pause and take a deep breath. Take that emotional shift by changing your thought pattern.

You are lucky to be alive. If you are reading this you probably belong to a small group of humanity with running water, electricity, an internet connection, food and a fairly good roof over your head. You probably would also be living in a democracy free to express your opinions and beliefs. You can change your mindset in an instant and decide to take responsibility for every thought, and action you take from this moment onward. It is truly liberating to be responsible for your own life.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

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by | November 8, 2021 · 6:42 pm

Difficulty finding your purpose?

“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

A great many people are confused by the plethora of literature on finding your purpose in life as if there is one clear trajectory just waiting to be discovered so that you can live the life of your dreams of world fame in a beautiful home with an ocean view and a dozen sports cars parked in the garage.

There is nothing wrong in obtaining material abundance if you have a clear purpose for what you are using it for. The emphasis would be all wrong when there is a craving for the “having” instead of the “giving.”

Every so often I have a person telling me in exasperation: “I just seem to have no clue about finding my purpose in life!”

For most of us, it will be highly unlikely that we will end up being famous movie stars in Hollywood earning tens of millions of dollars. But some of the literature out there is telling people that all you need to do is to create a vision board and to trust in the universe fulfilling that dream.

It’s creating much unhappiness and frustration when hard reality sets in. The divine might have a completely different path set out for you than the outward symbols of what our culture defines as success. Some people who have spent all their life energy on external gratification find themselves in a deeply unhappy state when everything rings hollow and nothing can bring them joy. For, living somone else’s identity be it that of a parent, spouse or societal image would be a betrayal of your own authenticity.

Finding purpose is never done

Finding your purpose in life is a process that is never done. You have to rediscover anew every day your meaning, your authenticity, and your truth. Should I have big dreams? Of course you should. But be sure those dreams are in alignment with your core values and authenticity.

Material abundance is an important element but only one aspect of living your best life. If you are aware that you are an eternal spiritual being having a human experience a lifetime is but one stage in the evolution of soul nature.

“It is not that we have so little time but that we lose so much. …

The life we receive is not short but we make it so;

we are not ill provided but use what we have wastefully.” – Seneca

Outer symbols of success are merely an emanation of an internal success mindset. In order to have abundance you need to have a mindset of abundance. Your “doing” and your creative nature need to be filled with a meaning that will serve both the world and the elevation of your consciousness.

There is a deep human need connected to soul nature that constantly strives to grow and develop in a creative process that is life’s journey. During the various stages of life we follow different way markers. It’s indeed a rarity when a person has an epiphany in early childhood that sets it on a clearly defined path of blooming into full potential.

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These people have been fortunate enough to be guided by peers with the experience to help nurture with great care that inner light waiting to illuminate the world. For most of us finding purpose is a journey taken on different paths in difficult terrain, getting lost, retracing one’s footsteps, and at some point finding that road converging into a clearly marked route.

The antidote to a scarcity mindset

A first step to finding purpose and meaning is the self-realization that “I am worthy.” “I have a voice and I have something to give”. A materially obsessed culture is infected with the scarcity mindset, the fear that the little I have will be taken away by someone.

Building a gratitude habit is the antidote to a scarcity mindset. It keeps you aligned and keeps building the bridge to your bigger goal:

  • Start your day reflecting on what is good in your life right now. Recognize your wins and what you are grateful for. Share with friends and family what you are grateful for.
  • Taking time out for reflection, play and recuperation is essential. Sometimes we just need time to sit in an armchair doing nothing or to play with the dog. It frees the mind for the bigger things.

The amount of positive vibration that you send out is really what matters. Becoming aligned with your core values is essentially a learning process of when to say “yes” and when to say “no”. When making a decision ask yourself:

  • Is this really aligned with my higher purpose?
  • Will this expand or deplete my energy?
  • Is this my ego seeking validation or does it serve the common good?

Standing guard at the doorway of your soul is key. What distracting and fear-induced voices are trying to pull me into a direction that is completely alien to my inner voice? Most of the time we sense intuitively what is happening but we fail to heed that voice because there is too much noise around.

When you resort to humility. When you fall still as you stand in awe at the beauty of creation, you may hear that whisper that is your destiny.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

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by | November 2, 2021 · 7:59 am

Do you really love yourself?

“How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you”

– Rupi Kaur

How you think about yourself and how you talk with yourself is key to how you see the world, and how you interact with others.

Much of the divisive anger we see around us each day can be traced to shame, and lack of self-esteem that has its roots in the hurt experienced by the inner child. The quality of all your relationships is determined by how you feel about yourself. The sad truth is that you will never experience a truly fulfilling, loving relationship unless you learn to love yourself.

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Loving yourself is such an important command that we find it eight times in the Bible. The most famous is in a quote from Jesus in Mark 12:30-31: “..Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these.”

In the same vein, the Buddha said: “You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

However, the lines between nurturing self-love and loving the ego often become blurred in our narcissistic culture. We are more concerned about how we are perceived and validated in the outside world than really doing the hard work of growing on a physical, mental, and spiritual level.

So what is the difference between loving the self and loving the ego?

In self-love, you will be in acceptance of who you are including all your challenges, weaknesses, hurts, and needs. The mantra is: “I love and accept myself the way I am.” It is a loving and humble submission to the self that is beyond the personality caught in external ideas and concepts.

When the release of “false Gods” or illusory concepts of the self takes place it is almost paradoxical, according to Eckart Tolle, that the general conditions of your life, the outer forms, tend to improve greatly. Things, people, or conditions that you thought you needed for your happiness now come to you without struggle or effort.

The work starts with getting to know yourself and acknowledging who you are not.

Taking time out for meditation and reflection is crucial. Tolerating alone time with the self is probably one of the hardest lessons for modern man pulled by the distraction of the 10,000 things. The voice of the inner child is often drowned by addictions and the obsession with immediate gratification.

Transmuting the pain of the inner child is a lifelong process. We are never done in the becoming of who we really are. Tracing the curveball emotions that hinder inner growth is best done with guidance from an experienced teacher or mentor who has taken a similar journey through the pain.

In an entitlement-driven culture, the ego-mind is held captive by the hungry ghosts that are never satisfied. The ego-mind is highly judgemental of others. How you are talking to yourself is an indicator of how harshly you judge yourself and others: “Why is this always happening to me?” Why am I always broke?” “Why does everyone hate me?” “Why am I not as beautiful, rich, and successful as…?”

Gratitude: The antidote to negative self-talk

A perfect antidote to negative self-talk is to switch that inner voice to something positive such as gratitude. When you change the perspective your mood will change instantly. Starting the day and ending the day with at least three things that you are immensely grateful for will set the course for how your day or night will be. No matter how bad your current situation might be there will always be things that you can be truly grateful for. We are blessed by the universe with countless things each and every minute of the day. It could be a simple thing such as being grateful to your body for all the work it is doing in sustaining you during your life on this earth. Basking in that feeling of gratitude and really feeling it on a mental and physical level does the trick.

Staying on the path

On the Camino de Santiago pilgrimage route, yellow waymarkers painted on walls, roads, and lamp posts prevent pilgrims from getting lost. It is not simply a way marker but a symbol reminding the pilgrim that during the walk of life you need to stay on course by showing loving kindness. Over centuries locals greet the pilgrims with the words: “Buen Camino” – a good path. After weeks on the road, the pilgrim will have been blessed in this way thousands of times. It reminded me on my own walks on the Camino that the simple things in life are often the most valuable.

Being greeted by a kind and smiling face from a stranger while struggling up a rugged mountain path makes all the difference. It costs nothing to be kind. Purpose and meaning in life can simply be spreading love and kindness to one’s fellow human being.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

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by | October 25, 2021 · 7:48 pm

A lifetime wasted on the treadmill?

With only a few weeks left to the end of another year you might once again have thoughts of how “time flies” and feel a little melancholy sadness about the things you had on your to-do-list and have had to postpone.

Our culture is obsessed with time as we rush from one appointment to another or try to squash as much activity as possible into leisure hours.

During this week I did a workshop with participants from diverse establishments ranging from public service to production with some of the companies registering absenteeism due to illness of up to twenty per cent. Our hurried and just-in-time economies are not only unsustainable but are having a major impact on physical and mental health.

A life spent in haste is a wasted life

In Germany alone the number of mental illnesses, mainly job-burnout, has doubled in the past decade. In the United States a study revealed that a frighteningly high number of employees are experiencing symptoms of fatigue and burn-out. It is seldom talked about but many victims of the pandemic have been people with an already weakened immune system caused by work stress and other factors.

When your body is flooded with stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline you will have difficulty slowing down, relaxing and spending time alone in solitude.  Moreover if stress hormones remain at a constantly high level over months and even years your body’s natural defense systems and key body organs are being steadily weakened.

I know people who feel extremely uneasy if they don’t have the television in the house switched on 24-7 or don’t have loud music playing in the background. On a subliminal level the body senses never have time to recuperate.

Time for the soul to catch up

You think you might just google a quick question and already you have been hooked and sidetracked into  spending hours of precious “lifetime” on social media.

During my childhood my grandfather, a farmer in South Africa, loved to tell the story when he gave a lift  to an elderly Zulu man. After sitting quietly next to my grandfather in the pickup truck the Zulu man asked my grandfather to stop for a minute to help his soul catch up as it had been left behind by the speed at which they had been travelling.

The Zulu people at the time lived with their senses closely attuned to the laws of nature, getting up at sunrise and retiring for sleep soon after sunset. They often joked about the ways of the white man and why he always seemed  to be in a hurry and living life according to the clock.

Hurried people make mistakes

It’s an old wisdom. When we are in a hurry we are more likely to make mistakes. We miss important way markers along the road when we go into a stressed-out tunnel vision. We fail to hear the whispers from the universe telling us that we have placed our ladder against the wrong wall.

It brings to mind that in the pre-industrial era the main mode of transport for most people was walking from A to B with the body finding its natural rhythm during walking. The advances of technology have given mankind the possibility of flying from one continent to another within hours. We can cover a journey by car that took our ancestors weeks or months on horseback or carriage. The downside is that our mode of travel is contributing to the warming of the earth’s atmosphere and that the speed at which we are travelling is giving us less time to reflect and internalize the experience of the immediate surroundings.

Eternity lies in the full experience of the here-and now

The great spiritual masters throughout the ages teach us that eternity lies in the experience of the “here-and-now.” It is when we are aligned completely with the activity we are doing and time somehow seems to have become irrelevant. It is when we find peace in meditation and feel the immediacy of each in and out breath. Or, when we feel at one and in synchronicity with a natural sound of nature.

Photo by Mike van Schoonderwalt on Pexels.com

One of the blessings of the pandemic lockdowns is that it has forced millions of people to slow down and reflect. What do I want to do with the rest of the days of my life that I have left? Do I really want to spend a good portion of my day stressing in a commute to an unfulfilling job while I’m not  seeing my children growing up? What contribution can I make to make a positive impact on the world?  What is depleting my mental and physical energy  and what is boosting my energy on all levels?

Life is too short to be wasted with things unimportant on the journey that is life.  More and more people are realizing the importance of slowing down, realigning and just enjoying the beauty of autumn colors reflected in a stream or the sound of migrating geese flying above.  Priorities are starting to shift and it’s a good thing.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

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