Tag Archives: self-development

by | August 1, 2023 · 5:04 am

The dragnet of regret

How often have you caught yourself going back into the past with the feeling of regret on the opportunities missed, the words you wished you had never said, and the things you would do differently if you could turn back the clock?

At times the feeling of regret can be so overwhelming that it’s like a dragnet pulling you down into a dark abyss of unhappiness. But according to author Daniel H. Pink regret is a fundamental part of our lives and can help us make smarter and better decisions in the future.

Based on the World Regret Survey, Pink has identified four core regrets.

Foundation regrets. These are regrets on the human need for some form of stability. Pink quotes Jason who says: “I regret not saving money diligently ever since I started working. It’s nearly crushing every day to think about how hard I’ve worked for the last twenty-five years or so, but financially I have nothing to show for it.”

Boldness regrets. Over time we are much more likely to regret the chances we didn’t take than the chances we did, whether its work choices, education or the choice of a partner. Foregone opportunities can be especially haunting during times of stress and pain.

Moral regrets. Most people wish to be seen as good people. But over time morally dubious decisions can be gnawing such as swindling in a business or cheating on a spouse.

Connection regrets. According to Pink fractured or unrealized relationships with spouses, partners, parents, friends, and all other close relationships constitute the largest deep structure category of regret.

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We can set very high standards to the self and are at times our own worst critic. The melancholy sadness and regret over that which was and is no more is not only debilitating but prevents you from moving forward. Many of our regrets can in fact be undone by making amends, reversing bad choices, and taking a different perspective by posing the questions: What did I need to learn and how can I make a better choice in moving forward? If I’ve harmed others, can I make amends through an apology or some form of emotional or material restitution?

Was the regret merely an unpleasant incident in your life or does it define your life? Practicing self-care and self-compassion can neutralize some of those feelings if you treat yourself like you would be treating your best friend.

You forge your identity with the story that you tell yourself. The first step is acceptance of that feeling or emotion of regret and replacing it with a positive thought moving forward. “I made a bad decision. I feel terrible about it. But I lovingly accept myself the way I am. I am harvesting from the rich experience and moving positively forward.”

In loving yourself you build the ability to nurture and better serve your relationships. The lesson of a door slammed shut is to do better next time.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

P.S. If you’ve found this article of interest you might want to read more in my books. “The Turning of the Circle: Embracing Nature’s Wisdom for Purposeful Living” has just been published. You might also find my other books “Deep Walking for Body, Mind and Soul” and “Walking on Edge: A Pilgrimage to Santiago” of interest – available where all good books are sold.

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by | July 25, 2023 · 5:33 am

Fire out of control: A lesson from nature

A warrior finds a sharp stone, which he uses to sharpen the tip of an arrow. The stone slips hits another stone, and causes a spark that ignites the dry grass around. The warrior stares in fascination at the stone in his hand, then at the fire.

Like many inventions that heralded a new dawn in the evolution of mankind, the art of making fire probably resulted by accident.

Those people who could use stones to make fire made enormous headway. They could migrate to colder and darker areas of the world. Some developed a communication system with smoke signals, enabling them to control large tracts of land.

The art of making fire, at any place and time, and the smelting of iron, triggered numerous other inventions. Woodland was burned to make way for agricultural land.

Other people let the fire burn uncontrolled, destroying everything in their wake. Numerous myths, legends, and stories originated around fire. If left to its own devices, fire could indeed become a dangerous demon indeed.

In the Chinese teaching of the Five Elements, the fire element is where the heart, perikard, and small intestine are at play on both the physical and mental levels. People with balanced fire energy are good communicators and express themselves with vitality.

Inspirational leaders with heart energy

Some of the world’s great personalities stand out with a balanced heart energy, serving the greater whole and ideal rather than selfish needs: Jeanne d’Arc, Mahatma Gandhi, Florence Nightingale, Nelson Mandela, and the Dalai Lama, just to mention a few.

Much more mundane is constant irritability, disappointment with life, and apportioning blame to everyone else but the self for the miserable condition one feels. People who are unaware of their heart wish, because they are bombarded with the noise of the external world, often have an imbalanced heart element.

The fire element is much in imbalance when we see the rocketing numbers of people falling into mental and physical exhaustion with burnout. Stress starts with a thought and is a flight-or-fight survival mechanism ingrained in our DNA. It is indicative also of the epidemic numbers in cardiac diseases.

Humans are responsible for heating the atmosphere

On the macro level, we are depleting our natural resources as if there is no tomorrow. At the same time, we are putting the body and mind under constant stress, and robbing it of vital nutrients.

Looking at the broader macroscopic level, the fire element has, in the recent past, brought huge changes to our planet. Extracting fossil fuels that have been in the ground for millions of years and “burning” them in an unprecedented scale over the past two centuries has led to a massive increase of carbon dioxide concentration in the atmosphere. The science is sobering and will make the planet uninhabitable for humans within a generation if nothing is done.

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Today’s global warming is happening at a much faster rate today than it did in the warm periods between ice ages over the last million years. The massive forest fires in northern America and in southern Europe with summer temperatures averaging over 40 degrees Celcius this year is telling. The Fire Element is out of balance. In terms of the Five Element Philosophy nature always seeks a balance between the elements of wood, fire, earth, metal, and water. Interestingly we are experiencing flash flooding in other parts of the world at the same as the heat waves. Water is the balancing and controlling element of fire.

In Chinese mythology, the god of fire is called Hu Shun. Shu and Hu are the lightning. When it strikes, creating light amid chaos, new life is created. Images of the god of fire paint him with flowing long red hair and a beard, sweeping through the streets at night and seeking out the next house to be burned.

Because this God of fire is rather forgetful, he carries a list in his left hand of all the houses that are to be burned. In his right hand, he bears a fiery ball that unleashes the flaming terror. Picturing such an awesome figure, there was only one thing left to do. This god had to be pacified, come what may.

The scientist James Lovelock described our planet as a complex interacting and living organism in his Gaia hypothesis. In his book, A New Look at Life on Earth, Lovelock explores the theory that the Earth’s living matter—air, ocean, and land surfaces—forms a complex system that has the capacity to keep Earth a place fit for life.

“The self-regulation of climate and chemical composition is a process that emerges from the rightly coupled evolution of rocks, air, and the ocean—in addition to that of organisms. Such interlocking self-regulation, while rarely optimal—consider the cold and hot places of the earth, the wet and the dry—nevertheless keeps the Earth a place fit for life,” he writes. Lovelock argues that “if we see the world as a super organism of which we are a part—not the owner, nor the tenant, not even a passenger—we could have a long time ahead of us and our species might survive for its ‘allotted span’

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

P.S. This is an extract from “The Turning of the Circle: Embracing Nature’s Wisdom for Purposeful Living” which has just been published. You might also find my other books “Deep Walking for Body, Mind and Soul” and “Walking on Edge: A Pilgrimage to Santiago” of interest – available where all good books are sold.

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by | July 18, 2023 · 7:25 am

Are you enough?

Once upon a time, there was a poor farmer who owned just one goose. But then one day the goose laid an egg made entirely of gold. Overjoyed by his newfound wealth, the farmer sold the golden egg and became rich overnight.

The next day, the goose laid another golden egg, and the farmer continued selling them and accumulating wealth until the farmer’s greed began to consume him. What he had was not enough. He compared himself to other farmers who were much wealthier than he was.

Believing that the goose contained a treasure trove of gold inside her, the farmer decided to slaughter the goose and cut her open. To his dismay, he found that the goose was just like any other, with no gold inside. In his foolishness, the farmer lost both his source of wealth and his beloved goose.

The earliest written version of “The Goose that Laid the Golden Eggs” can be traced back to ancient Greek and Roman times and is timeless in its moral relevance.

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Especially our modern consumerist culture thrives on the notion that you are never enough. Your old iPhone might still be working perfectly but the hype is out there that you will be needing the new iPhone 15 expected to cost well over 1000 dollars. Few things destroy personal assets as much as buying a brand-new car. It is worth several thousand dollars less as soon as you drive it out of the salesroom.

When you have been hypnotized with the notion that you “are not enough”, you will be constantly comparing yourself with others who seemingly have happier marriages, bigger cars, bigger houses, and vacations in more exotic places.

The “never enough” culture feeds on basic human fears and insecurities. “Why can’t I have… Why can’t I be like … If only I had … everything will be good. The dark void resulting from a lack of self-worth, self-love, and inner self-care is compensated with a material wish list. The truth is that the novelty of the new thing is short-lived. The emptiness creeps in again, even regret of having spent so much money on something you don’t really need.

If you want to live a happier, more fulfilling, and joyful life you have to do the inner work.

What is your reason to wake up in the morning?

The Japanese Ikigai philosophy on purpose and meaning in life essentially teaches that satisfaction and fulfillment are achieved when there is an alignment of your personal passion, values, and skills with the bigger needs of the world.

In a similar vein, the Japanese concepts of Mono and Wabi-sabi emphasize the appreciation and acknowledgment of the impermanence of all things. It is the exploration of the beauty in the imperfection, in the brokenness, the transience of nature, and the patina of age.

The Zen Buddhist concept of Muga refers to the “selfless self” that is an interconnected part of the whole, transcending the ego and self-centered desires. Meaning and purpose are found in serving others and cultivating compassion and wisdom.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

P.S. If you’ve found this article of interest you might want to read more in my books. “The Turning of the Circle: Embracing Nature’s Wisdom for Purposeful Living” has just been published. You might also find my other books “Deep Walking for Body, Mind and Soul” and “Walking on Edge: A Pilgrimage to Santiago” of interest – available where all good books are sold.

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by | July 11, 2023 · 5:31 am

Defining your authentic purpose

“Each of us is an artist of our days; the greater our integrity and awareness, the more original and creative our time will become.” – John O’Donohue

Being successful and living a purposeful life is not the same thing. Success is often counted in the external trappings of wealth, fame, and youth but you could still miss the mark of what you were destined to become when you were born.

The disconnect between external and internal needs will inevitably trigger a pain often drowned in the addiction to short-lived gratifications and distractions. This is why taking time to reflect, digest, and reassess personal values and needs is so important.

Humanity is collectively transitioning to higher consciousness

The meaning of life and purpose differs for every individual but at the same time, humanity is collectively transitioning to an ever-changing evolution of consciousness. The global crisis situations we are experiencing at the moment are the very nature of the transition between the old and the new.

Austrian psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl describes the journey of creating and doing, experiencing and encountering, and cultivating a different perspective on pain and suffering. 

For eons, the largest part of humanity has essentially struggled to provide basic needs such as food, shelter, and reproduction. Our ability to walk on two legs and use our hands to shape, mold, and exploit our environment has honed exceptional survival skills, even in the harshest environments.

As social beings, humans have in communities, villages, and cities made major technological advances through division of labor. Individuals were able to specialize in skills such as carpentry, clothing manufacturing, or food production while others could spend their time studying or working on new inventions.

Moving from a culture of exploitation to one of restoration and sustainability

The downside is that we have become so successful that we are threatening the foundations not only of our own future but of most other species on Earth. Since the incremental industrialization of the 19th century natural resources have been extracted, exploited, and destroyed. The burning of fossil fuels is the foundation of our transportation and manufacturing industries but it has heated the atmosphere to such an extent that if nothing is done, life on earth will become uninhabitable for humans.

We should not be nostalgic about outmoded structures and institutions but work on new initiatives which reconnect us in search of common goals and help restore the natural balance of nature.

There is no silver arrow in finding a life of meaning and purpose. One stage of life often is a training ground for the next stage. The skillset acquired in one discipline serves another but in a different way. Growth and meaning are found where we perceive the flow of where we can engage actively with our unique abilities and creativity.

The pain and trauma of the past can either be a burden pulling you back or it was that “walk over the hot coals” that instilled the burning desire, providing the fuel that catapulted you forward into a new future.

In a spiritual context, we as individuals have been bestowed with Grace by a divine entity. We have been given unique individual talents and were born into circumstances that have put us on the trajectory of becoming who we really are.

The soul path is always edging toward fulfillment but often this path is clouded, confused, and distracted. Yet in those most extreme moments of pain and joy, there is alignment with soul purpose. You become aware that the universe is minding your back and that you are being guided into your authenticity.

Life is a constant process of learning, adapting, realigning, and ultimately growing as spiritual beings in human form. While deep walking through life, the soul is harvesting from all of life’s experiences and becoming whole.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

P.S. In my new book “The Turning of the Circle: Embracing Nature’s Wisdom for Purposeful Living” I go into more detail on this topic. It is available on Amazon and where all good books are sold. You might also find my other books “Deep Walking for Body, Mind and Soul” and “Walking on Edge: A Pilgrimage to Santiago” of interest.

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by | July 5, 2023 · 8:20 am

Celebrating community on a pilgrimage

One of the reasons I‘m hooked on making an annual pilgrimage walk on the Camino de Santiago is the wonderful people you meet on the way and the celebration of community with people from very different cultures, and religious backgrounds.

It is one of the few places left on earth where you meet individuals who open their hearts, discussing intimate details of their life with you, at times only minutes after meeting for the first time.

The hospitality of the locals on the Camino plays a role. Much of rural Spain still has healthy supportive communities where people meet in cafes and bars on a daily basis to have a chat.

The owner of a bar-hotel and restaurant business confided to me that the cafe part of his business was not really profitable but „closing this place for the winter months would be like closing the local church.“

A sense of belonging

While talking to fellow pilgrims in Santiago we agreed that many spiritual seekers on the Camino were finding a community and sense of belonging on this ancient path they were no longer finding in traditional religions.

As humans, we are hard-wired as social beings. Our relationships and social connections determine who we are. Strong connections and relationships are created when we share our feelings, inner wounds, and vulnerabilities.

Many people walking the Camino have seen their lives come apart on some level. Relationships that have broken down, the death of a loved one, financial loss, or having to deal with the diagnosis of a life-threatening disease. In sharing their stories pilgrims no longer feel “alone.”

Photo by Pavel Danilyuk on Pexels.com

There is experiential spirituality felt in a healthy community that emanates empathy, love, and kindness. Community is not only felt in a relationship with others, a higher deity but also in a commune with nature and the world around you.

It is walking in nature and bonding with people at the same time that makes the Camino such a magnet for spiritual seekers. This year will again register a record number of pilgrims on the path.

The celebration of the communal ritual

For this reason since ancient times humanity has embedded the celebration of community in religious rituals. Communal meals or rituals involving the sharing of food and drink can be found in ancient Greek and Roman religions, where a communal meal with the gods was seen as a means of establishing a bond or connection.

The Jewish Passover festival and the holy communion ceremony in Roman Catholic, Protestant, and Orthodox religions are celebrated as rituals of sacrifice.

The word “commune” has its roots in Latin, derived from the word “communis,” meaning “common” or “shared.”

In our modern era, we are seeing an explosion of “sharing” and “connection” on social media across continents – the result of a human yearning. Urban lifestyle without connection to natural surroundings and friendly neighbors increasingly leads to individuation, self-isolation, loneliness, and mental health issues.

Online “tribes or families” can never be a replacement for the physical community where there is unconditional physical contact – the holding of hands, a hug, and a kiss on the cheek. This became acutely obvious during the recent pandemic.

Ultimately we all yearn to be seen, to be heard, and to be validated in a positive sense. We want to belong and in that belonging, we find purpose and meaning.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

One more thing...My new book “The Turning of the Circle: Embracing Nature’s Wisdom for Purposeful Living” can now be ordered on Amazon and where all good books are sold. You might also find my other books “Deep Walking for Body, Mind and Soul” and “Walking on Edge: A pilgrimage to Santiago” of interest.

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by | June 26, 2023 · 5:11 pm

Beyond Religion?

Membership of Christian churches and attendance of services is falling dramatically in many countries. But does that mean that more people are becoming agnostic, atheist or have lost their belief in a God or the divine?

On my current pilgrimage walk on the Camino de Santiago in northwestern Spain, we passed through several villages and towns on a Sunday. All these beautiful and ancient temples of worship, some dating back to Celtic times and early Christianity, had their doors shut.

One church did happen to be open but a man shooed us pilgrims away, making it clear that we were not welcome to have a look inside. I do normally enjoy sitting in these sacred places, meditating and feeling into the powerful energy fields that they emanate.

It hit a sore point to be rudely turned away. It symbolized for me everything that has gone wrong with conventional religion, fixated on empty external ritual, and controlling doctrine.

Churches and temples should be open for people of all denominations as long as they show respect, giving everyone sanctuary seeking a quiet space from the noisy and distractive pull of the external world.

For centuries religions from all the major faiths have vilified, ostracized, burned at the stake and shamed those that did not conform or belong. At the same time the hypocrisy of the clergy regarding sexual abuse, financial misdemeanors and interference in politics is laid bare like a festering open wound.

Jesus never had plans to establish an institution or a church. His criticism of the Pharisees, the clergy, and their hypocrisy was especially directed at those leaders burdening the faithful with strict rules and regulations while showing little love, mercy and compassion to those in need.

There is a saying that religion is for those who fear hell while spirituality is for those who have been there. On my more than a dozen walks on the Camino I have met countless people who have gone through the hell of losing loved ones, confronted life-threatening illnesses, the dark holes of depression, financial ruin and relationship breakdown. What I can say about all of them is that these life-changing events made them come out stronger and forced them into deep introspection on the purpose and meaning of life.

Experiential spirituality is a process whereby the shutters of the soul window are gradually opened up. It is a feeling of connection with the divine, and the mystery of creation. The great scientist Albert Einstein once said that the religion of the future will be cosmic in nature. 

“The most beautiful and deepest experience a man can have is the sense of the mysterious. It is the underlying principle of religion as well as all serious endeavor in art and science. He who never had this experience seems to me, if not dead, then at least blind,” Einstein is quoted as saying.

The Dalai Lama, the spiritual leader of Tibetan Buddhism, encourages individuals to go beyond the superficial differences among religions and recognize the deeper essence of spirituality and morality that can be found in all faith traditions. 

The fundamental principles of compassion, love, and ethics are not limited to any particular religious tradition or belief system. These principles, the Dalai Lama believes, are universal.

Among the hundreds of thousands of people who walk the Camino each year there are devout Catholics and people of all faiths but also manyspiritual seekers asking the age old question:

Where do I come from? Where am I going? What am I doing with the rest of the days of my life?

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

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by | June 20, 2023 · 7:35 am

Finding purpose by realigning with nature

Taking a walk each day and realigning with the green and blue spaces of nature is very likely to bring about multiple positive shifts in your body, mind, and spirit. We are gradually becoming aware that we have lost something essential en route to modernity.

We have reshaped the external environment with roads, cities, and buildings in a way that is in disharmony with nature and harming our own health and well-being. It is time for a major rethink.

A study of 300 cities released by North Carolina State University in 2019 revealed that there was fewer crime and aggression in city areas close to parks and green areas.

According to Lincoln Larson, assistant professor at the university, “We learned that more green space was associated with lower risk of crime across neighborhoods in all 300 cities we studied. Burglaries, larceny, auto theft, and other property crimes occur less often in greener neighborhoods in every city in our sample. Violent crimes like murder and armed robbery were also less common in greener neighborhoods in nearly all the cities we studied.”

Being closer to nature reduces stress, bringing neighbors together and creating a sense of community.

The energy of subduing and conquering nature is a hallmark of the ruling patriarch. The male energy is rational, while the female energy is receptive and more intuitive. An imbalance between the male and the female aspect, the Yin and the Yang, has been responsible for an exploitation and declaration of war on Mother Earth.

It reached its pinnacle in the Inquisition of the Middle Ages when hundreds of thousands of women were burned at the stake. Women were much more closely aligned with nature, especially if they were healers and midwives. But their secret knowledge, passed on over generations in the female lineage, obviously was a threat to the male patriarch.

At a time of great poverty, war and diseases like the plague, these women often were at the forefront of healing, comforting and helping the distressed. Fennel seeds were great at releasing cramps, digestive problems, and increasing the milk supply of breastfeeding mothers. Mint leaves were used as antidepressants and for the treatment of asthma and nausea.

By the 15th century, the church started intervening, forcing the midwives to report every birth to the local parish, especially illegitimate and retarded children.

With their knowledge of contraception, and how to terminate pregnancies, the church saw the midwives as a huge threat to their authority, and sexual morale.

The herbal healers or “witches” and midwives lived dangerous lives in the 15th century as the church started dominating every aspect of the human life from childbirth to death. The Christian cross became the symbol for the suppression and oppression of the female aspect. Women were excluded from the priesthood and holding any higher rank in the church until this day in many denominations.

Interestingly, in the Spanish province of Galicia, we find a version of the cross that finds its roots in Celtic, pre-Christian times. On the one side we find the crucified Christ, while on the other side stands the female goddess, the Madonna. We have the male and female aspects equally depicted on both sides of the cross.

The discovery of ancient Christian scripts, including the Dead Sea Scrolls and the Gospel of St. Thomas, tells us that there was a time when women were at the forefront of spreading the early Christian gospels. Mary Magdalene, one of the apostles closest to Jesus, played a major leadership role in early Christianity.

There is no historical record that Mary Magdalene was ever a former prostitute possessed by demons as claimed in some of the scriptures.

Around the period 500 AD, the male patriarch systems started throwing the Yin and Yang, the natural complementation of energy between the male and the female, seriously out of balance. It has had a profound effect on the world that we have today.

The dominating male aspect has undoubtedly led to huge technological and material advances, unimaginable to the generations before us. But it has come at a huge price where we are exploiting Mother Earth to such an extent that most species, including our own, will not survive without a major shift in human consciousness.

It’s a common belief that during times of crisis, the thin veneer of civilization collapses with most people falling into egotistical and anti-social behavior.

But Dutch philosopher Rutger Bregman, author of the bestseller Utopia for Realists: And How We Can Get There, claims that humans are fundamentally good and want to do good.

“For every panic buyer, there are a thousand nurses working as hard as they can. For every hoarder, there are a thousand civilians setting up WhatsApp groups and Facebook groups and people in the neighborhood trying to help each other. I’ve been really astonished to see this explosion of cooperation and altruism in a very short period of time,” Bregman said in an interview with Deutsche Welle.

A global crisis such as the pandemic also leads to the realization that other global issues, such as the climate crisis that affects us all, can only be solved in cooperation at a global level.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

One more thing...This is an extract from my new book “The Turning of the Circle: Embracing Nature’s Wisdom for Purposeful Living”. It can now be preordered as a Kindle edition on Amazon. Paperback and Hardback versions will be available in July 2023.

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by | June 13, 2023 · 5:09 am

Narcissism and the wounded inner child

“Many an adult is carrying within the burden of a wounded child”

I’m indeed fortunate to be living in Mallorca, one of the world’s most beautiful islands and a favorite European holiday destination. But these weeks in summer the most popular places are better avoided with some visitors showing little regard for local customs and the public space.

The partying, drinking, and drunken brawls are part of a mindset that seems to say: “I’ve come here to have fun. I will do as I please. I will throw my trash all over the place and urinate where I want to.” Local hoteliers and restaurant workers report that the behavior has never been so bad and we haven’t even reached the peak of the holiday season.

Such bad behavior not only shines a bad light on the countries these people come from but leads to increasingly restrictive local bylaws such as a ban on selling even non-alcoholic beverages or snacks at the beachside, and ever heavier spot fines. Mallorcans are renowned for their hospitality but there is now an understandably increasing pushback to clamp down on bad behavior.

I’ve often wondered why an increasing number of adults seem to lose the plot, have no situational awareness, and lack the most basic courtesy, especially when visiting a foreign country. The foundational stones of adult life are of course in many ways determined in early childhood, setting you up for success or failure in later life. But no matter what baggage from the past you are carrying on your shoulders you still have the power of choice.

Beyond the veil of much of the narcissism we find in today’s culture is the hurt inner child that has either suffered physical or emotional abuse or experienced a lack of emotional support. The narcissist suffers typically from a lack of self-esteem that constantly seeks validation in the center stage.

Emotional support, attention, and affection are crucial for a child’s healthy development. The wounded child may have been an unwanted child, having received little physical or verbal expressions of love and affection.

One or both of the caregivers may have been preoccupied, unavailable, and emotionally distant for much of the child’s life. They turn into adults who may have difficulty regulating their emotions and struggle with their interpersonal relationships or may suffer from anxiety and depression.

Self-care and healing the inner child

Healing the wounded inner child is key to unleashing your creative powers, self-esteem, and soul-driven purpose. It is never a one-off process but can be a lifetime journey of self-reflection and self-compassion.

The worst you can do is fall into the blame game, making your past responsible for all the mishaps in your life. The healing process starts by taking a different perspective and accepting the feelings and emotions from your childhood.

You can connect with your inner child by meditating on a picture of yourself at an age that was particularly hurtful or traumatic. Talk to that younger version of yourself offering parental comfort, support, and understanding that it didn’t have at the time. It is extremely helpful to start the process with the help of an experienced mentor or therapist.

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Engage in activities that nurture the joy of the inner child

Even if most of your childhood was a long dark chapter, there were also moments where you experienced joy. Find out what gave you joy in the early stages of your life and whether you can expand on that in your adult life. Maybe it was playing with a favorite pet, reading a particular book, or watching a particular fairytale movie.

Setting boundaries

The hurt inner child has never learned to set healthy boundaries. Setting boundaries goes hand-in-hand with self-care. The more you start loving and practicing self-care with your inner child, the more you will become aware of what expands your energy and what sucks away at your energy level. Practice saying no to persons when you feel overwhelmed, when something doesn’t align with your values, or when you simply need your own space.

Healing the wounded inner child is a deeply personal journey, and different techniques or approaches may resonate with different individuals. Trust your instincts and the voice of your inner child.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

One more thing...My new book “The Turning of the Circle: Embracing Nature’s Wisdom for Purposeful Living” can now be preordered as a Kindle edition on Amazon. Paperback and Hardback versions will be available in July 2023.

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by | June 6, 2023 · 6:13 am

Nature and purposeful living

“No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man. Time is a game played beautifully by children.”—Heraclitus.

The seasons of life are in a constant state of expansion and contraction. Like the systolic and diastolic beating of a heart, we cannot escape the impermanence of life. During spring there is birth, growth in the summer, harvest in fall, and withdrawal in winter.

The notion that we are an integral part of nature and its natural laws was never questioned by the hunter and gatherer societies, and even so-called “primitive” societies today.

The ancient Chinese teaching of the Five Elements is very much about yielding to and synchronizing with the natural cycle of the seasons. The tenets of this philosophy is rooted in Taoist philosophy, dating back thousands of years when humanity did not see the world around us as a separate entity.

Timing with nature’s seasonal cycles

Great respect was given to the timing and expressed in elaborate ritual. There was a time to plant, a time to harvest, and a time to rest. This is still applicable today even though the necessity is clouded by the demands of modern life and its luring distractions.

Modern man has severed his ties to the natural order of things in his mad striving for material wealth and prosperity. Cut off from his spiritual roots and the natural order of things, he is filled with a deep sense of loneliness and fear, which seeks compensation for that void in boundless greed and substance abuse.

We know from numerous neurological studies that the sounds of nature, green meadows, and trees, or the gentle sound of waves breaking on the shore calm the mind.

The permanent hum of traffic noise in cities and crowded living conditions in the concrete jungles of an urban environment is alien to the human condition.

So what has led us to today’s disconnect? Paradoxically, religion, which is meant to align us with God or the universal intelligence has been abused in large parts by the institutions.

The Role of concept-based religion

A misunderstood Christianity has played a huge role in the estrangement of man from the natural world. The mystical part of Christianity was exorcised in the Council of Nicaea in AD 325. Roman Emperor Constantine I presided over the Council which defined the Christian belief and doctrine. While the mystical part of early Christianity left much room for individual spiritual experience, the doctrine clearly defined what had to be believed and what religious rules had to be followed. One of the consequences is that for centuries Christianity has had a false understanding of man’s role in nature based on the misinterpretation of the Old Testament in Genesis 1:28, in which man is given the cultural mandate to subdue and rule over the earth.

As in ancient Chinese philosophy, the old Greek, Egyptian, and Roman worlds, applied nature’s golden rule in the arts, architecture, and many other endeavors, striving to create synchronicity with nature.

On a collective level, we have to face the question of whether we have enough time to transform a system based on greed and exploitation, where only a small minority reap the rewards, into a value-based restorative nature-based system that serves the betterment of all living beings.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

One more thing...This article is an extract from my new book “The Turning of the Circle: Embracing Nature’s Wisdom for Purposeful Living”. You can preorder a Kindle edition on Amazon. Both Kindle and Paperback versions will be available in July 2023.

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by | May 30, 2023 · 5:42 am

The biggest threat to humanity is not what you think

In terms of the public narrative humanity is very much threatened by external threats such as the environmental crisis and a potential nuclear war, failing to pinpoint the major underlying cause why the vast number of human beings appear to be unaware and unable to solve the problems threatening our species.

Stress lies at the core of many relationship breakdowns, health problems, financial woes, and preoccupation with drama. The weight of past and current emotional stress is preventing millions of people from living their full potential and elevating human consciousness to another level.

Grievance culture spread by mass media is amplifying the twin shadows of anger and melancholy sadness. A person under mental and physical stress with emotions running out of control has literally lost his mind. This is what happens:

The oldest part of the brain the Amygdala, also known as the reptilian brain, is responsible for the fight or flight response that is triggered immediately when we are under duress. We feel increased anxiety, fear, or anger. Impulse control or rational thinking that we find in the prefrontal cortex of the brain is shut down.

Elevated levels of stress hormones in the body such as cortisol can further impair emotional response. Trauma from the past can be triggered by a mere thought if we have not learned how to transmute that thought.

How many adults in the world are living in the bodies of the hurt inner child?

Carl Gustav Jung, the notable Swiss psychiatrist, and psychoanalyst, often referred to these unconscious aspects of the human psyche that collectively posed the greatest threat to humanity. A repressed hurt or denied aspect of the “shadow” of the human personality could manifest in destructive behaviors on a larger scale.

A repressed feeling or hurt can be a boiling cauldron just waiting to explode as we have seen and are seeing in many tyrants and authoritarian rulers.

Many historians believe that the roots of Adolf Hitler’s cruelty were buried in his childhood. An abusive father and several other personal humiliations following Germany’s defeat in World War I may have contributed to Hitler’s deep-seated anger, resentment, and desire for power and control.

But while some abused children end up being angry and resentful adults others manage to transmute such trauma into something positive. A mind at peace has learned to reconcile itself with the past.

How do you create peace of mind?

It is still somewhat of a mystery why some people learn and grow from adversity while others succumb to the blame game and stay stuck in the quagmire of grievance culture.

One of the key factors appears to be the capacity of self-reflection and willingness to engage in personal growth. Persons willing to examine their thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors gain valuable insights into their patterns and make necessary changes. It involves the humility of taking responsibility for one’s actions, and actively seeking out personal development resources, such as therapy, counseling or mentoring.

You are never done in the self-healing and self-development process. The higher you develop your spiritual consciousness and leadership skills, the higher will be your challenges but also your opportunity for further growth. Zen masters encourage practitioners to embrace adversity as an essential part of life’s journey. They teach that difficult circumstances provide opportunities for growth, self-discovery, and spiritual development. Adversity can be a catalyst to dig deep into inner resources and wisdom.

Take a walk in nature

Some of the world’s greatest writers, philosophers, and musicians spent alone time walking in nature to realign and stimulate their creativity. Meanwhile, several studies conclude that natural sounds such as the flowing waters of a creek, bird song, and the blue and green spaces significantly help reduce stress hormones in the body, lowers blood pressure, and improve heart variability.

The mere act of walking can release endorphins, reduce stress, and improve your mood, which can, in turn, enhance cognitive function and creative thinking. By stepping away from the distractions and demands of daily life, you can enjoy a sense of freedom and foster a deeper connection to the higher self.

Henry David Thoreau, the renowned American writer, philosopher, and naturalist said: “In wildness is the preservation of the world. Every tree sends its fibers forth in search of the wild. The cities import it at any price. Men plow and sail for it. From the forest and wilderness come the tonics and barks which brace mankind.”

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

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