Category Archives: happiness

by | April 14, 2025 · 9:58 am

The Cost of Ego-Driven Leadership

There appears to be a growing fascination with the “Elon Musk” style of forceful leadership glorifying a macho bravado over emotional intelligence. But behind the tough talk lies a troubling truth: Such an approach quietly erodes the foundations of a business. After 15 years in the consultancy field, I’ve seen it firsthand. If you want to damage a company from the inside out, lead with ego and ignore the human element.

My work facilitating countless in-house workshops in a wide variety of business sectors is backed by research. Leadership matters. How managers and supervisors engage with their teams directly influences motivation, performance, absenteeism, customer satisfaction, innovation, and long-term loyalty. The impact is immediate and often irreversible.

A significant share of workplace-related mental health issues such as burnout and depression, can often be traced back to organizational dysfunction, and how supervisors and managers treat their teams. When disengaged or unhappy employees are asked to evaluate their leaders, they frequently highlight a lack of core social and emotional skills.

Common complaints include:

  • Inability to address or resolve conflicts
  • Reluctance to acknowledge or validate good work
  • Micromanagement and controlling behavior
  • Excessive focus on minor mistakes or faults

In some cases, managers transferred to new departments quickly saw the same pattern emerge—high absenteeism, low morale, and disengagement—indicating that leadership style, not just environment, was the root cause.

On the other end of the spectrum, passive or absent leadership is equally damaging. Teams want leadership—but they want it from someone who leads with integrity, consistency, and emotional intelligence. The most respected leaders don’t shy away from accountability. They address underperformance, but they do so with what can best be described as tough love—firm yet fair, grounded in mutual respect.

People who feel dehumanized, disconnect

Constructive feedback uplifts and encourages growth. In contrast, harsh, demeaning, or fear-based criticism—what some might call the “kick-arse” style—erodes trust, silences initiative, and ultimately dehumanizes. And when people feel dehumanized, they disconnect. That’s how organizations slowly begin to lose their heart—and their talent.

Sport teams offer a great example of leadership style in action. Authoritarian coaches often bring short-term success but fail in the long-term.

Clear expectations, discipline, and structure can boost performance, especially in high-pressure or high-stakes environments like playoffs or elite competition.

Reduced Player Autonomy, Creativity
Over time, however, athletes under this style of leadership show reduced motivation, creativity, and autonomy. A lack of personal agency can stifle adaptive thinking on the field, a key to navigating unpredictable situations.

While some authoritarian leaders succeed in rallying teams through sheer force of will, they often fail to build trust or psychological safety. When things go wrong, blame replaces support, and that kills morale and camaraderie.

My experience is that companies grossly underestimate the cost of bad leadership. Costs can be prohibitive when highly-skilled staff leave, absenteeism rises, and new staff have to be recruited and trained. This comes in addition to the costs caused by demotivated staff in a culture of fear and negativity.

Authoritarian leadership fails over time

Authoritarian leaders in business often deliver quick results. They take control, issue orders, and expect compliance. In moments of crisis or chaos, that decisiveness can seem like strength. But over time, the cracks start to show—both on the field and in the office.

Great teams thrive on trust, mutual respect, and shared purpose. Authoritarian leaders undermine that by silencing voices and centralizing power. Over time, teams stop collaborating and start competing—for attention, approval, or simply survival.

Leaders who foster inclusion, creativity, and emotional intelligence over time are more successful. Satya Nadella, revitalized Microsoft with his emphasis on shifting from a know-it-all culture to a learn-it-all culture, emphasizing emotional intelligence and humility.

Ed Catmull, co-founder of Pixar, and author of Creativity, Inc., a go-to book on healthy leadership. is quoted as saying: “Give a good idea to a mediocre team, and they will screw it up. Give a mediocre idea to a great team, and they will either fix it or come up with something better.”

Success and happiness at the workplace is increasingly dependent on how we communicate and interact with others. At the workplace people operate either as takes, matches, or givers without expecting anything in return, according to famous Organizational psychologist Adam Grant.

Takers are those who almost exclusively act in ways that advance their own personal agendas. In their interactions with others, they are internally asking the question, “What can you do for me?” Matchers operate on a quid pro quo basis, giving in equal measure as others have given to them. Matchers’ interactions are based on fairness, with interactions based on the idea that “If you do something for me, I’ll do something for you.” The third group, the givers, is made up of people who are characterized by serving those around them. The interaction of givers is based on the question, “What can I do for you?”

Grant’s research, based on interviews with 30,000 people across a variety of industries and cultures, reveals that although some givers get exploited and burn out, the rest achieve extraordinary results across a wide range of industries.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor –Speaker

If you enjoyed this article you might be interested in my latest book: Sages, Saints and Sinners and “The Turning of the Circle” on how the underlying the laws of nature, give an invaluable insight into life’s evolutionary cycle.

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by | April 6, 2025 · 6:22 pm

Free Trade vs. Protectionism: Lessons from History

Humans are inherently wired for connection and cooperation. Our mental, emotional, and even physical health depends on it. Prolonged isolation, whether personal or collective, challenges our capacity to thrive. When nations retreat into isolationist protectionism, they may gain short-term relief but risk long-term stagnation, weakened innovation, and social fragmentation.

Historically isolationist economic policies leads to stagnation, inefficiency, and missed opportunities. One of the best examples of a nation falling behind in naval, military, and industrial technology was the Chinese Ming and Qing dynasties of the 14th century. Fearing foreign influence and cultural impurity, the rulers severely restricted trade, costing China its competitive edge for centuries.

Industries become bloated and inefficient under protectionism

Post-independence, India adopted a protectionist, centrally planned economy. Foreign goods and investment were restricted, and most industries heavily regulated. The result: industries became bloated and inefficient. India nearly defaulted on its debt in 1991 and was forced to liberalize its economy.

Throughout history, we can find countless examples of nations thriving when they get together to form a common economic space, standardize rules and break down commercial barriers.

The success story of Hanseatic League of medieval merchant cities

The Hanseatic League (from the 13th to 17th century) was a confederation of merchant towns that collaborated for mutual benefit, and in many ways was a precursor to the European Union. Located along the North Sea and Baltic sea routes cities like Hamburg, Bremen, Lübeck, Danzig created an economic powerhouse based on shared interests, smart geopolitics, and commercial innovation.

The European Union stands as a remarkable testament to the power of unity, bringing together nations like France and Germany, once bitter enemies in centuries of war, into a partnership of peace and collaboration.

Countries once marked by poverty, such as Spain and Portugal, along with former Soviet Bloc nations like the Czech Republic, Poland, the Baltic states, and Romania, have found profound benefits in their EU membership—economically, politically, and socially. The EU has not only transformed these nations but has also reshaped the very idea of cooperation, showing how shared purpose can overcome history’s deepest divisions.

The notion that free trade is beneficial for all was first mooted by David Ricardo, a 19th-century British political economist. Ricardo introduced in 1817 the theory of comparative advantage in his book “On the Principles of Political Economy and Taxation.” His idea was that even if one country is more efficient at producing all goods than another country, both can still benefit from trade if they specialize in the goods they produce relatively more efficiently.

Factories in Bangladesh, Vietnam or China can for instance produce clothing much cheaper than in the United States, Canada or Europe. Consumers in these countries again can buy such imported clothing at a much cheaper price than if they were produced at home.

Key Points of Ricardo’s Concept:

  • Comparative advantage (not absolute advantage) determines what a country should specialize in.
  • By each country focusing on producing goods where they have the lowest opportunity cost, total global production increases.
  • Then, through trade, all countries can consume more than they could in isolation.

Before Ricardo, Adam Smith had also praised free trade in his 1776 book “The Wealth of Nations,” arguing for absolute advantage—that countries should produce what they’re best at. But Ricardo’s theory was more powerful because it showed how even less efficient countries can benefit from trade.

Open markets push companies to innovate or die. Exposure to international competition fosters dynamic economies and technological advancement. Countries that trade together are less likely to go to war with trade interdependence promoting diplomatic ties and global stability. Free trade has lifted millions of people out of poverty especially in east Asia.

Most economists agree that tariffs or quotas should only be used selectively such as protecting key sectors during economic transitions. Free trade should also include safety nets such as retraining programs and unemployment benefits.

Brexit is one of the most compelling modern case studies on free trade vs. protectionism, and more broadly, economic integration vs. sovereignty. The United Kingdom (UK) was a member of the European Union from 1973 until 2020. It decided to leave the EU, known as “Brexit” following a referendum in 2016. The populist call for protectionism and sovereignty gained more traction than rational economic arguments. Economists and analysts at Cambridge Econometrics found that, by 2035, the UK will be 311 billion pounds worse off and is anticipated to have three million fewer jobs. Other estimates put the annual loss in GDP at four per cent annually.

In summary, at the micro level, individuals who come together in a community experience greater mental and physical well-being. Human connection fosters resilience, purpose, and meaning. At the macro level, nations that cultivate shared values, mutual cooperation, and strategic alliances lay the foundation for lasting prosperity and peace. Connection is based on trust and courage. Isolationism however is marked by fear, divisive tribalism, and conflict.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor –Speaker

If you enjoyed this article you might be interested in my latest book: Sages, Saints and Sinners to be launched globally on April 8th, 2025.

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by | March 23, 2025 · 3:38 pm

The Evolutionary Advantage of Empathy

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
– Maya Angelou

Empathy is our greatest evolutionary strength. While Social Darwinists argue that survival belongs to the strongest and most ruthless, history and science tell a different story. Humanity’s ability to connect, and to uplift one another has ensured our survival as a species.

Elon Musk’s belief that Western civilization’s greatest weakness is its empathy is not backed up by the science. Social Darwinism and much of the rightwing media ecosystem argue that the “strong” rise to the top and the “weak” fail, justifying economic inequality. Empathy is perceived as vulnerability and weakness in the competitive business environment.

Empathy is often confused with passivity and “people pleasing”. However, numerous studies confirm that empathy is actually a strength, fostering trust, enhancing decision-making, and building strong relationships.

Leaders with empathy are more effective

A study by the Center for Creative Leadership (Gentry, Weber, & Sadri, 2016) found that leaders who demonstrate empathy perform better and are more effective in managing teams. Employees who feel understood and valued are more engaged and productive.

Contrary to the belief that empathy clouds judgment, research shows it actually helps people make more ethical and fair decisions. A study published in The Journal of Business Ethics (Wang, Hackett, & Cao, 2016) found that empathetic leaders were more likely to make morally sound decisions that benefited both individuals and organizations.

A global study by the Businessolver 2021 State of Workplace Empathy Report found that 92 per cent of employees believe empathy is undervalued in the workplace, and 72 per cent of CEOs say empathy directly impacts financial performance.

Empathy as Strength

Rather than being a liability, empathy is a strategic advantage—helping individuals and organizations thrive through stronger relationships, ethical leadership, and enhanced decision-making. True empathy is not about weakness or passivity but about understanding others while maintaining boundaries and making informed, impactful choices.

A society based on Social Darwinism where the strongest, wealthiest and most powerful are venerated is a doomed society that is less compassionate, less caring, and less kind. It is the very opposite of value-based Western society based on the fundamentals of Christian values such as caring for the sick and needy and the most vulnerable in society.

Empathy has been a critical factor in the survival and success of the human species. While physical strength and intelligence played roles, our ability to cooperate, understand, and support each other has been one of the most significant evolutionary advantages.

Unlike solitary species, early humans relied on group survival. Anthropologists like Sarah Blaffer Hrdy (Mothers and Others, 2009) argue that empathy—especially in the form of cooperative child-rearing—was key to human evolution. Groups that cared for their weak, sick, or young had a higher survival rate than those that abandoned struggling members.

In the global happiness Index, Scandinavian societies, particularly Finland have consistently polled highest as the most happy societies. Finnish society is characterized by high levels of trust—both in fellow citizens and in public institutions. This trust is nurtured by subtle yet deep social bonds where empathy helps people understand and support one another, even in a culture that might appear reserved at first glance.

Finland’s robust welfare system amplifies these effects by ensuring that people feel cared for by society.

This creates a virtuous cycle—when people see their society as compassionate and responsive, their own empathetic behaviors are reinforced, further boosting overall happiness.

Research in positive psychology has linked empathy with higher levels of life satisfaction and emotional well-being. Empathetic interactions help reduce feelings of isolation and stress, which are key factors in long-term happiness.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor –Speaker

If you enjoyed this article you might be interested in my latest book: Sages, Saints and Sinners to be launched globally on April 8th, 2025.

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by | March 10, 2025 · 4:53 pm

The Illusion of Benevolent Authoritarianism

A rightwing media ecosystem has created the dangerous illusion that a benevolent authoritarian regime creates a more stable, equal, and prosperous society.

A common misconception is that strong, centralized rule brings order and stability. The reality is far bleaker. Having grown up in apartheid South Africa and visited communist East Germany multiple times, I’ve seen firsthand how authoritarian rule breeds fear, stagnation, and deep societal misery.

Police brutality and oppression of dissent are commonplace

Although a small minority of white people in South Africa benefited from apartheid, it came at a huge price. With growing dissent and unrest coming from the oppressed black majority, state-sanctioned police brutality and oppression of opposition movements were commonplace. Every young white South African male was conscripted for military service after graduating from school. Many, including some of my own family members, are still traumatized today from fighting a senseless war in Angola.

Both South Africa and more so communist East Germany relied on heavy policing and informant networks. Friends, neighbors and even family members spied on each other.

When I first visited East Germany in the late 1980s, I was struck by the pervasive presence of the Stasi secret police, whose surveillance began the moment we crossed the border. The atmosphere was stifling—grey skies, empty stores, and a palpable fear that made any interaction with locals feel tense and uncomfortable. The waiters in the restaurants were unfriendly and even rude.

Scars remain etched in the collective psyche for generations

After the fall of the Iron Curtain and the reunification of East and West Germany, the scars of the communist era remained deeply etched in the collective psyche. The loss of national identity, coupled with an education system that falsely pinned the blame for Nazi atrocities on West Germany, contributed to a resurgence of fascist nationalism in the former communist regions, leaving a legacy of division and disillusionment.

When power dominates over kindness and compassion, it can take generations for a country to heal. People often adopt a survival mindset, prioritizing self-interest over community well-being. Corruption becomes normalized, and moral considerations take a backseat to personal gain, particularly prevalent in the former Soviet Union and its satellite countries.

Democratic countries in the long-term are far more successful economically. Free speech encourages artistic creativity. Free societies and open markets create a competitive environment with new innovations and technological advancement.

Democratic freedoms create happy societies

It is not surprising that the Scandinavian countries with strong workers’ rights, excellent social welfare, and lower income inequality, also find themselves on the top of the global happiness index. Finland has maintained the top position for six consecutive years, reflecting its strong social support systems, high levels of trust, and overall quality of life.

It appears that strong community bonds and supportive communities play a crucial part when it comes to longevity, mental and physical health. People thrive in democracies that are more sustainable, innovative, and equitable.

A system where the powerful rule, without checks and balances such as free media and rule of law, typically are prone to corruption, mismanagement, and crony capitalism. Control over media and education stifles critical thinking and creativity, slowing technological progress. In Nazi Germany, scientific research was distorted by racial theories with disastrous consequences.

Authoritarianism destroys human dignity

Authoritarianism may offer short-term order, but ultimately leads to oppression, destruction of all human dignity, social fragmentation, economic stagnation, and instability. Fear, oppression, and lack of autonomy contribute to widespread psychological distress. Political oppression, imprisonment, and violence leave lasting psychological scars, often lasting for generations.

Democracy despite all its flaws is the oxygen where humans thrive. The freedoms and values we enjoy in democratic societies are all too seldom cherished. To quote Martin Luther King: “The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.”

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

If you enjoyed this article you will be interested in my books available where all good books are sold.

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by | February 17, 2025 · 10:13 am

This too shall pass

“Like river tides and autumn leaves,
All things must drift, all things must weave.
No hand can hold the fleeting dawn,
For what is here will soon be gone.” — Unknown

External events, such as elections and economic cycles, can easily consume all your attention, pulling you away from your true purpose and inner joy. You may perceive the world as chaotic, making it harder to focus on the person you are meant to become.

If recent political events have left you feeling disheartened, powerless, or overwhelmed, know that you are not alone. Take comfort in the timeless wisdom: “This too shall pass.” Challenges are temporary, and no moment—good or bad—lasts forever. Stay grounded, keep perspective, and trust in your resilience.

The origins of the expression are unclear. According to Jewish folklore, King Solomon is said to have asked his advisors for something that would keep him grounded. They presented him with a ring inscribed with “Gam zeh ya’avor” (גם זה יעבור), which translates as “This too shall pass.”

The phrase has also been linked to several other traditions and later gained popularity in Western culture, and was famously quoted by Abraham Lincoln in a speech in 1859.

Lincoln made his remarks at the Wisconsin State Fair in Milwaukee, at a time of looming civil war, and rising political divisions over the slavery issue. He referenced an Eastern monarch who sought a phrase from advisors that would always be true in both good and bad times.

The answer he received was “This too shall pass away.” Lincoln used this phrase to highlight the idea that all circumstances—whether good or bad—are temporary.

The phrase serves as a powerful reminder to the wealthy, the powerful, and the arrogant that humility is essential, and success can be fleeting.

Just as nature moves through its cycles, life is impermanent, with good and bad times constantly shifting. Those who remain attached to power and wealth are especially vulnerable to these unpredictable forces, much like the changing seasons. They cannot be controlled.

Seizing back control when life becomes challenging

In the winter season of life, external events can at times be very challenging. But there are ways of how you can seize back control by focusing on those things that you can control:

  • Accepting a reality does not mean that you approve of it
  • You can control your response and your emotions to external events
  • Remind yourself that nothing lasts forever including challenging times

You can reframe your perspective into a question:

What can I learn from this and what opportunity may arise from this situation?

This is a time to build resilience by strengthening body, mind, and spirit. Falling into despondency and negativity will not serve you well. Try limiting your exposure to negativity such as negative social media and news events. Surround yourself with positive people and do things that boost your vibrational energy.

Practicing Gratitude

Being grateful for those things that are going well in your life can be a powerful tool of reframing emotions and feelings. Write down every day three things you can be truly grateful for.

Letting go of attachments to beliefs, perspectives, and emotions is a journey. Realigning with the rhythms of nature—listening to the wind, the rustling leaves, birds singing or the gentle flow of water—can be profoundly healing.

A deep walking meditation in nature allows for a reset, grounding yourself in the present moment. Whenever you feel weighed down, shift your focus to your breath. With each inhale, reconnect to your true self; with each exhale, release what no longer serves you.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

P.S. If you enjoyed this article you will be interested in my books available where all good books are sold.

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by | February 11, 2025 · 4:25 pm

The Power of Forgiveness: Doing it the Right Way

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.“

– Mahatma Gandhi-

Many misconceptions surround the act of forgiveness, especially when it involves those who have caused you the most pain. However, when practiced with true intention, forgiveness is not about excusing harm but about freeing yourself from the emotional weight of resentment and anger. By embracing forgiveness the right way, you elevate your vibrational energy, fostering inner peace, and a greater sense of emotional and spiritual well-being.

Holding onto a grudge, hate or resentment creates stress while forgiveness creates inner peace and restores the trust in human connections.

Most spiritual traditions emphasize forgiveness as a path to enlightenment, inner peace, and a sense of purpose but there are many misconceptions about forgiveness, often amplified by religious doctrine.

Studies show that forgiveness can lower blood pressure, improve heart health, and reduce chronic stress. The body and mind are deeply connected, and forgiveness can lead to measurable health improvements.

It does not mean that you have to restore a relationship with the person who has caused you much pain but releasing yourself from the toxic emotions related to that incident.

Common misconceptions about forgiveness are that you are excusing the behavior of the person who has hurt you or that you must reconcile with the offender. Forgiveness is not weakness but takes takes strength and courage in facing your own shadow.

In a recent conversation on my Living to BE podcast with forgiveness expert Katharine Giovanni we delved into the typical misconceptions about forgiveness, many of them stemming from early childhood patterns. The key takeaways from her new book “The Ultimate Path to Forgiveness”:

  • Emotional freedom and harmony is a long-term process
  • Forgiveness is a step-by-step process that can transform the soul
  • You can practice forgiveness without physically meeting the person who has caused you pain and even with those who have long passed.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

P.S. If you enjoyed this article you will be interested in my books available where all good books are sold.

You can watch the podcast interview with Katharine Giovanni here and also on the Youtube channel Living to BE

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by | January 7, 2025 · 12:38 pm

Emotions and Health: The Hidden Connection

As you embrace the New Year with fresh intentions and resolutions, it’s crucial to recognize the emotional stressors that deeply impact your physical, mental, and spiritual health.

The medieval Sephardic Jewish philosopher Maimonides emphasized a holistic approach to health, integrating the physical, spiritual, and emotional dimensions of well-being. He notably highlighted chronic anger as one of the most harmful emotions.

Modern science echoes these teachings, revealing a growing body of evidence that underscores the importance of managing emotions and fostering mental health for overall physical well-being.

The Harmful Effects of Emotional Stress

Emotional stress profoundly affects physical health, serving as a root cause of numerous conditions such as arthritis, cardiovascular disease, and certain cancers. Chronic stress also lowers your energetic vibration, pulling your mindset toward negativity, where you’re more likely to perceive—and attract—negative outcomes.

A study at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh has revealed perhaps the strongest evidence so far on the link between stress and the body’s capacity to deal with inflammation.

In moments of intense anger, pain, or fear, the prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for creative thinking and problem-solving—essentially shuts down, leaving you reactive and unfocused.

Short-term stress can be beneficial, such as helping you react quickly to avoid a car accident. However, chronic stress floods the body with hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, which overburden vital organs such as the heart, kidneys, and liver. Prolonged stress also disrupts digestion and contributes to inflammatory diseases.

The Impact of Social Media and Negative Narratives

Modern stressors include the pervasive influence of social media. A poll of 14-to-24-year-olds revealed that platforms like Instagram and Snapchat amplify feelings of anxiety and inadequacy, often fueled by negative comments on appearance and self-image. Research from the University of Pennsylvania even found a strong correlation between negative language on Twitter and heart disease mortality.

Harnessing the Power of Choice

The encouraging news is that you have the power to choose your emotional and mental state. Positive emotions such as gratitude and happiness enhance immune function and promote longevity. Practices like laughter and optimism stimulate the production of natural killer cells that fight infection, while a positive outlook fosters healthier lifestyle habits.

Practical Steps Toward Resilience

To build resilience and effectively handle life’s challenges, consider these practices:

  • Nutrition and Exercise: Adopt a diet rich in high-nutritional-value foods and maintain regular physical activity.
  • Nature and Surroundings: Spend time in attractive, natural environments to rejuvenate your spirit.
  • Spiritual Practice: Incorporate mindfulness or meditation into your daily routine.
  • Emotional Shifting: Begin by accepting your current emotional state—be it anger, sadness, or fear. Fighting these emotions only reinforces them. Instead, focus on your breath: inhale and exhale deeply through your nose while counting to ten. This mindfulness can help you emotionally shift, replacing fear with trust, sadness with a joyful memory, or anger with calmness.

Guarding the Doorway of Your Mind

In today’s world, where grievance culture and negativity often dominate the narrative, it’s more important than ever to protect your mental state. Surround yourself with positive-minded people, and cultivate gratitude through daily rituals. For example, reflect on the best moment of the past 24 hours—it’s there, waiting to be appreciated.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

P.S. If you enjoyed this article you will be interested in my books available where all good books are sold.

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by | December 4, 2024 · 10:29 am

Home: Reflections on Place and Belonging

The landscape that you inhabit shapes you in profound ways, prompting the question: Where is home, and what environment truly nurtures your joy, energy, and zest for life?

Recently, I returned to South Africa, revisiting the places that defined my childhood. The journey was deeply reflective, stirring memories and a realization: home is no longer where it once was.

While timeless landmarks like the mountains and rivers of the Drakensberg endure, everything shaped by human hands changes—and often, tragically, deteriorates.

In rural South Africa, essential infrastructure like roads, sanitation, water, and electricity has largely collapsed or is on the brink of failure. Political corruption has turned state institutions into feeding troughs for party loyalists, leaving what was once the pride of Africa’s railways and roads in disrepair.

The place of home can shift

Circumstances led me to leave my birthplace at a young age. For years, I lived and worked in Germany—a land tied to my ancestral roots but one I could never truly call home. The long, cold, and wet winters left me battling colds and flu for weeks, an unmistakable signal that my well-being needed a different environment.

At times I was terribly homesick, longing for the blue skies, expansive landscapes, sounds and smells of my African homeland. It is easy to fall into the trap of melancholy sadness of what once was and is no more, the past becoming an idealized and distorted image.

Finding the place in the sun

Seven years ago, I found my place under the sun in Mallorca, Spain. It wasn’t until then that I fully understood how deeply geography, culture, and community impacts not just physical health but mental vibrancy and energy.

Sometimes, choosing to live someplace else does change everything for the better, notwithstanding that you always take yourself with you. Home is ultimately within. Home is what creates a sense of belonging and purpose.

Feeling at home sometimes shifts as you grow, adapt, and explore the world. At times, it’s where you were born or raised, rooted in childhood memories and traditions. At other times, it’s where you feel most alive, inspired, and at peace—a place or state of mind that aligns with your values, dreams, and well-being.

Recently the most renowned South African writer and poet Breyten Breytenbach passed away in his home in Paris. In his prose, Breytenbach frequently explored how the home one remembers rarely aligns with the home one finds upon return. The landscapes may remain familiar, but the social, political, and personal contexts often shift dramatically.

Returning home can evoke a profound sense of loss—of the self that once belonged fully to that place and the home that no longer exists as it was. Returning to childhood landscapes can be a complex, bittersweet experience, marked by both longing and alienation.

In a poignant in his book “Return to Paradise”, Breytenbach reflects:

We carry our homes within us,
shaped by the stories of our scars.
The land may hold its silence,
but the roads remember our footsteps.

Where is the place where you can truly breathe and thrive?

What does home mean to you?

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

P.S. If you enjoyed this article you will be interested in my books available where all good books are sold.

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by | November 27, 2024 · 2:50 pm

Understanding Loneliness vs. Solitude

Loneliness and solitude are often confused, but they are fundamentally different. Loneliness is not merely the absence of human relationships. It reflects a deeper sense of inner emptiness, signifying a lack of meaning and a disconnect from purpose.

Loneliness is a place of pain where the void often manifests in addictions, especially to external distractions that ultimately create more suffering.

Solitude is an intentional choice

Solitude, on the other hand, is the intentional choice to spend time alone. It is a self-created space for recalibration and mental detox.

In solitude, the mind is given the opportunity to quiet itself, creating a fertile ground for personal growth, self-discovery, and creativity.

While loneliness drains, solitude replenishes.

Meditation, yoga, tai chi, and deep walking in nature are only some of the useful tools in training the monkey mind to be really present and appreciative of the magic of the moment.

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But what if the pain is so deep that every moment alone is a place of torture?

Anyone who has experienced the pain of losing a loved one, the trauma of a break-up or divorce, financial disaster, the loss of a job or a life-threatening diagnosis will know that during such moments you need more than ever stable relationships and community to help navigate the crisis. Sometimes it is just important for another being to be present, holding a hand in silent compassion.

Human connection is fundamental

Human connection is fundamental to your well-being. It’s easier to transform pain when you feel seen, heard, and acknowledged by others. Yet, modern society’s focus on individualism—liberty, personal expression, and the pursuit of a singular life purpose—has often come at the expense of community.

 A study on “Social Relationships and Health” by Julianne Holt-Lunstad, Timothy B. Smith, and J. Bradley Layton (published in PLoS Medicine, 2010) revealed that that loneliness and social isolation significantly increase the risk of poor mental health and mortality. On the other hand the effects of social connections on health were found to be comparable to or greater than well-known risk factors such as smoking cessation, physical activity, and obesity management.

As social beings, we thrive in connection and falter in isolation, both mentally and physically. Yet, we find ourselves increasingly divided into opposing camps of “us” versus “them.” Strong religious and political ideologies—sometimes addictive in their nature—further deepen these divides, often fueled by external influences with hidden agendas. The rise of religious orthodoxy and political extremism underscores this growing fragmentation, creating artificial “tribal” communities that exclude rather than include.

The innate universal human quality for compassion, is frequently sacrificed on the altar of rigid beliefs and superficial differences. They are amplified by external forces, clouding the ability to see a shared humanity.

Yet there is a path back to serving both the true self and community – solitude. Taking even a few minutes each day to disconnect from the noise can ground you, fostering self-compassion, and reignite your capacity for love.

When you cultivate self-love, you naturally extend that same compassion and energy outward, treating others with greater understanding and kindness.

True connection begins within. By rediscovering our compassionate nature, we can bridge the divides and reclaim the value of community.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

P.S. If you enjoyed this article you will be interested in my books available where all good books are sold.

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by | November 19, 2024 · 1:11 pm

You are the master of your destiny

“The great cease to rule when the small cease to grovel.” (Friedrich Schiller 1759-1805)

Dictators, demagogues, and cult leaders excel at convincing decent, ordinary people that blind obedience and unwavering loyalty will miraculously transform their lives. The rude awakening inevitably comes.

Once in power autocrats and dictators inevitably exploit the weak and vulnerable for their own selfish needs. Russian leader Vladimir Putin is a typical example. He is purported to be one of the wealthiest people on earth. Meanwhile, his country’s infra-structure, health, and education system are collapsing while state resources are spent on imperialist wars.

In the recent U.S. Elections the power grab by wealthy oligarchs has been more subtle. Elon Musk, probably the world’s second wealthiest man, together with other billionaires (Peter Thiel, David Sachs, Rupert Murdoch etc.) control a large part of the nation’s tech and media industry (Twitter/X, Fox News). They injected more than two billion dollars into the Trump election campaign and now have a major influence on the country’s political agenda.

We are seeing an unprecedented symbiosis of politics, power and capital in the United States, German Professor Bernhard Pörksen, a media analyst, said in an interview with ZDF television. These libertarian ideologues “who despise the weak” are “pursuing their agenda on their own media platforms with extreme aggression, despising classic journalism and clearly threatening their enemies.”

Historian Timothy Snyder in his book On Tyranny, describes how democracies often erode not through sudden collapse but through gradual undermining of norms, laws, and institutions.

“The mistake is to assume that rulers who came to power through institutions cannot change or destroy those very institutions—leaving democracy in ruins.”

Spreading disinformation on their media platforms is part of the agenda. When the truth is turned into a lie and the lie into the truth the ordinary citizen, confused by conflicting information overload, switches off from politics, ultimately surrendering his basic freedoms and liberty.

In the short-term autocracies create the impression of stability through strong control of dissent and internal conflict. The reality is that without the checks and balances of a democracy power is inevitably abused, leading to inefficiency, corruption, and exploitation. Suppression of dissent and free thought stifles creativity, critical feedback, and innovation.

When the powerful become too powerful and economic promises don’t materialize, frustration can reach a tipping point. A single, galvanizing event can ignite existing frustrations and unify disparate groups against the regime, such as blatant corruption or fraudulent elections. Rebellion becomes possible when the population collectively believes change is achievable such as in the peaceful revolutions in communist East Germany, Czechoslovakia and Poland.

Nothing is more powerful than when individuals arise collectively in the realization that they can be masters of their own destiny. The pain becomes so powerful that people overcome their apathy, fear, and disempowerment, embracing a collective cause.

Mahatma Gandhi’s peaceful struggle of collective civil disobedience against imperialist British rule remains a shining example of collective power that built momentum through incremental successes with strikes, protests, and legal rulings.

You as an individual collectively will hold enormous power in shaping your destiny when overcoming fear, and believe in the possibility of change.

The poem “Invictus” by William Ernest Henley, remains a powerful declaration of resilience and self-mastery, speaking of the indomitable human spirit in the face of adversity and the ability to control one’s fate:

“Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.”

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

P.S. If you enjoyed this article you will be interested in my books available where all good books are sold.

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