Category Archives: self-development

by | February 16, 2026 · 8:27 am

Protecting Your Energy and Your Purpose

I will begin with something that I had to painfully realize: Love without boundaries is not love. It is self‑abandonment.
Healthy boundaries are self‑respect in action. They are the quiet courage to say: This is my space.
A space I need to protect my emotional and spiritual well‑being so I can care deeply, give generously, and feel fully.

But here’s the subtle truth: boundary crossings rarely begin with something dramatic. They often start softly, almost imperceptibly. An “energy vampire” is not necessarily a bad person. Most of the time, they simply haven’t learned to honor boundaries — neither yours nor their own. They often struggle with low self‑esteem and, therefore, seek constant validation, reassurance, and emotional reciprocity.

The challenge is that spending time with such people leaves you feeling heavy, drained, or strangely unsettled. Your clarity fades, your energy dips, and your inner balance becomes harder to access.

Awareness is the first boundary

Pay attention to your body. Your nervous system rarely lies, giving you the perfect feedback loop on what people suck you dry and who nurtures and energizes you. It sometimes starts with the person who enters the room. Do I relax and feel a warm energy fill my body, or am I looking at ways to escape as soon as possible?

The first step is saying “no”. It is, for most of us, the hardest thing to do because we are social beings hard-wired to get along with our fellow human beings. Subconsciously, we fear being rejected, isolated, and even betrayed when saying “no.” But here is the thing: Saying “no” is saying “yes” to something else. It is a “yes” to presence, dignity, and self-respect. You owe nobody endless access to your time, energy, and emotional availability. Boundaries do not require justification. They require conviction.

It takes practice, and all comes down to how you say it: Here are some examples

  • “That doesn’t work for me.”
  • “I’m not available.”
  • “I need time to think about that.”
  • “No, thank you.”

What Nurtures My Energy? What Depletes My Energy?

Before you can even set healthy boundaries, you must be aware of your own needs, as well as where you are the person crossing the boundaries of others. Clarity creates responsibility. Once you know what nourishes you, it becomes your sacred task to protect it. Take a time out to reflect on what nurtures and what depletes your energy:

  • Silence or prayer?
  • Nature and walking?
  • Deep conversations?
  • Creative expression?
  • Time alone?
  • Physical movement?
What depletes my energy?
  • Information overload
  • Conflict?
  • Multitasking?
  • Negative environments?
  • Being responsible for everyone’s emotions?

Protecting Your Inner Space

Your inner world is sacred ground. Not every opinion deserves entry. Not every demand deserves a response. Not every crisis deserves your involvement. To protect your inner space:

  • Pause before responding. You can say: I need time to think about that
  • When is guilt not love driving your choice?
  • Create a daily grounding ritual that anchors you

Certainty does not mean rigidity.
It means knowing who you are.

Grounding practices may include:

  • Conscious slow breathing
  • Placing your feet firmly on the floor and noticing contact
  • Naming what you feel without judging it
  • Deep Walking in nature
  • Returning to faith when uncertainty arises

A Final Reflection

Setting healthy boundaries is an act of spiritual practice. It is the decision to stop outsourcing your worth. It is choosing integrity over approval. It is trusting that the right relationships will honor your limits. Boundaries do not push love away.
They make real love possible.

And perhaps the most important question is this:

Where in my life do I need to choose self-respect over fear?

That is where your next boundary is waiting.

To quote the mystic Teresa of Ávila:

“Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing;
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things.
Whoever has God lacks nothing;
God alone suffices.”

If you are currently finding yourself at a threshold—sensing that something has ended, but not yet knowing what comes next—you don’t have to walk this terrain alone. A Pilgrimage to New Beginnings is a gentle online journey created by me for moments just like this: a spacious, reflective path for those navigating endings, listening for what wants to be born, and learning to trust the wisdom of the in-between. If this speaks to where you are, you are warmly invited to join us on March 4th and take the next few steps—slowly, honestly, and in your own time.

Reino Gevers – Host of the LivingToBe podcast

Leave a comment

Filed under meditation, mental-health, psychology, self-development, Uncategorized

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

by | February 9, 2026 · 9:24 am

Embracing Change: Pain and Growth

“Be willing to let go of who you are, for who you are becoming.” – Meister Eckhart (13th-Century Mystic)

There are moments in life when moving forward feels impossible. The way ahead seems blocked, not by one clear obstacle, but by a quiet accumulation of losses, disappointments, and unanswered questions. Something has ended. Something hurts in a way that cannot be easily fixed. And in those moments, it can feel as though nothing is happening at all.

Yet beneath the surface, something is quietly stirring. What looks like stillness is often a deep, unseen movement and a reordering that cannot be rushed or explained. This is not stagnation, but a subtle turning of the soul.

We are quick to judge these seasons as failures or weaknesses. We tell ourselves we should be coping better, moving faster, knowing more. But what if pain and failure are not signs that we have lost our way? What if they are threshold moments—gentle, demanding invitations into a new beginning, or into a deeper way of seeing and being?

Henry James, often regarded as a founding voice in American philosophy, spoke to this hidden depth when he wrote that life is “always more divine than it seems, and hence we can survive degradations and despairs which otherwise must engulf us.”

The Threshold Moment

A threshold is not a destination. It is not even a clear path. It is a space between: between what has been and what is becoming. It is coming out of a dark, cold winter with the seeds of spring waiting to sprout.

In threshold moments, the old story—the one that once made sense, gave structure, identity, or safety—begins to loosen its grip. It no longer fits. Yet the new story has not arrived fully formed. There are no clear instructions, and there is primarily uncertainty.

This in-between space can feel deeply uncomfortable. It often comes with grief, fatigue, confusion, or a quiet panic that whispers, “I should be further along by now.”

But thresholds are not failures of progress.
They are pauses of transformation.

When Pain Is Asking for Attention, Not Erasure

Pain has a bad reputation. There is a tendency to push it away, a rush to numb it with distractions, and explain it away. Yet pain often carries a message that can’t be accessed in any other way. It forces you to dig deep into your inner resources. It is asking you to slow down and pay attention to what is happening.

Failure, too, has a voice. It may be saying: This path has run its course. Or: This version of you has served its purpose.

Letting the Old Story End

Endings rarely announce themselves cleanly. More often, they fray at the edges. Motivation fades. Joy drains away. What once felt purposeful now feels heavy or hollow. It could be anything from a job, a location, a home, or even a long-term relationship. This should not be seen as betrayal or weakness, but something new unfolding slowly.

The courage of a threshold moment lies not in forcing clarity, but in allowing uncertainty to do its work in trusting that not knowing is sometimes the most honest spiritual posture.

You don’t need to rush to define the next chapter. You only need to be present enough to notice what is loosening—and what is quietly insisting on staying alive.

A Gentle Practice for the Threshold

Rather than trying to solve or transcend this moment, you might sit with it. Breathe with it. Let it speak. Found more moments of solitude so that the voice within can be perceived.

Ask yourself, without urgency or judgment:

  • What am I being asked to release?
    A role? An expectation? A belief or particular self-sabotaging talk?
  • What feels unfinished, yet still alive?
    A longing? A truth you haven’t yet honored? A call that has been whispering rather than shouting?

Staying with the Becoming

Thresholds are sacred precisely because they are uncomfortable. They strip away certainty and invite you into a deeper honesty. They teach you that meaning is not only found in arrival, but in the courage to stay present while becoming. They force you to look more closely in the darkness.

If you find yourself here—tired, unsure, grieving something you can’t quite name—know this:
You are not broken. You are not behind. You are standing at a doorway.

And sometimes, the most honest thing you can do is wait with open hands until the new story is ready to unfold.

If you find yourself standing in such a threshold—sensing that something has ended, but not yet knowing what comes next—you don’t have to walk this terrain alone. A Pilgrimage to New Beginnings is a gentle online journey created by me for moments just like this: a spacious, reflective path for those navigating endings, listening for what wants to be born, and learning to trust the wisdom of the in-between. If this speaks to where you are, you are warmly invited to join us on March 4th and take the next few steps—slowly, honestly, and in your own time.

Reino Gevers – Host of the LivingToBe podcast

Leave a comment

Filed under meditation, mental health, psychology, self-development

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

by | January 25, 2026 · 4:53 pm

From Struggle to Awe: A Pilgrimage of Transformation

“Be willing to be a beginner every single morning.” — Meister Eckhart

There was a time in my life when I believed I had to hold everything together by sheer work and effort. If I paused, I feared I would disappear. Only later did I begin to understand that disappearing was not the danger I imagined. It was, in fact, the return.

Life is something like a ripple on the ocean, momentarily appearing, briefly defined, then gently dissolving back into the vastness from which it came. The ripple feels separate while it lasts, yet it has never been anything other than the ocean. This simple image has accompanied me through many seasons of exhaustion, loss, and quiet awakening.

The mystics gave language to what I was slowly learning through experience. The 13th-century Mystic Meister Eckhart puts it into words: “The eye with which I see God is the same eye with which God sees me.” If this is true, then separation is not the final truth of a lifetime.

When Separation Feels Real

For many years, separation felt very real to me. I lived on the surface—busy, capable, outwardly functional—while something deeper waited patiently. I now recognize how easily we mistake movement and activity for meaning. Eckhart’s warning feels almost tender in hindsight: “As long as you are seeking God, you are not yet aware that you have found Him.” I was always seeking, rarely resting.

The poet-mystic Rumi names this restlessness with compassion: “Why are you so busy with this or that or good or bad; pay attention to how things blend.” When you allow things to blend, you surrender to strength, vulnerability, certainty, and doubt, faith and the unknowing.

The Descent That Saved Me

My own turning point came not through achievement, but through fatigue. I had reached a place where distraction no longer worked. What emerged instead was a quiet invitation to walk—both literally and inwardly. An annual pilgrimage became my way of consenting to descent.

One day, on the Camino Primitivo in northwestern Spain, I found myself struggling up a steep mountain path amid darkness and driving rain. Each step felt heavy. The trail seemed endless, and my inner landscape matched the weather—tight, effortful, and discouraged.

Then, without warning, the heavens opened. The rain softened, the clouds lifted, and beneath me appeared a vast sea of clouds stretching all the way to the horizon. The shift was almost instantaneous. Within seconds, my mood changed completely. Where there had been struggle, there was awe. Where there had been resistance, there was gratitude.

I stood there, soaked and breathless, perceiving not only the incredible beauty of that moment, but the beauty of life itself. I felt truly blessed—not because anything had been solved, but because something had been revealed. I had crossed a threshold without even realizing it.

The Christian mystics speak of this movement without sentimentality. John of the Cross calls it “the dark night,” a phrase that once frightened me. Now I hear it differently: as a stripping away of the onion layers of what no longer carries life. What felt like loss was actually a clearing.

Living Lightly on the Surface

It is so easy to confuse your ripple with your worth. There is a deep need to be seen, to be heard, and to be validated. But it can create much pressure. Accept who you are with loving kindness, and the old burden of control is no longer that important. Meister Eckhart’s invitation is simply: “Let go of yourself and you will find yourself.” This letting go is a daily practice rather than a single event.

To live as a ripple is to accept impermanence without fear. To rest as the ocean is to trust belonging without proof. Somewhere between the two, a quieter wisdom emerges.

A Gentle Invitation

A Pilgrimage to New Beginnings grew out of this lived knowing. It is not about fixing what is broken, but about remembering what has never been lost. If these reflections echo something in your own life, you are warmly welcome to join.

The reservation window remains open for ten more days—not as an urgency, but as an invitation to step across a threshold.

The ripple does not need to earn its place in the ocean.

Reino Gevers – Host of the LivingToBe podcast

P.S. For those who feel drawn to explore this in-between season more intentionally, I am offering a six-week online course, Pilgrimage into New Beginnings. It is a quiet, reflective journey for times of transition, starting March 4th.

Leave a comment

Filed under deep walking, gratitude, happiness, meditation, self-development, spirituality

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

by | January 18, 2026 · 5:05 pm

Beneath the Fire of Anger: Pain and Shame

Anger is loud. It dominates the public discourse, expressed through rigid political opinions, moral outrage, online conflict, and the tendency to assign blame. Yet anger is rarely the true starting point of these dynamics. More often, it signals quieter, more uncomfortable truths.

Emotions such as pain, shame, grief, and fear are harder to face, so they are frequently displaced outward into accusation, defensiveness, or righteous certainty.

Anger as a Protective Emotion

Psychologically, anger is a secondary emotion. It arises to protect from feelings that threaten the sense of self or safety. When something has hurt deeply, anger steps in as the defensive armour.

It says:

  • “I won’t feel this.”
  • “I won’t be small again.”
  • “I won’t be vulnerable.”

Anger gives energy, clarity, and a sense of control. Pain does not, and the vulnerability of accepting that pain is often seen as weakness.

The Quiet Tyranny of Shame

Shame whispers a devastating message: “Something is wrong with me.”
Not “I did something wrong,” but “I am wrong.”

When shame is unexamined, it often turns inward as harsh self-criticism or outward as blame. The inner voice becomes cruel:

  • “You’re weak.”
  • “You always fail.”
  • “You’re not enough.”

Over time, this negative self-talk becomes so familiar that it is mistaken for the truth. And because living under constant inner attack is unbearable, the psyche looks for relief—often by projecting the pain outward.

From Inner Critic to Outer Enemy

What you cannot tolerate within yourself is often seen in others.

This is where the blame game begins.

If the discomfort can be pinned on:

  • a partner,
  • a parent,
  • a political group or ideology

Then momentarily, the inner pressure eases. I am not the problem; they are.

On a societal level, this dynamic fuels grievance culture. Groups form around shared wounds and unresolved pain. Identity becomes fused with injury. Moral outrage offers belonging, clarity, and a sense of righteousness—but rarely healing.

Grievance gives meaning to suffering without requiring transformation.

The Cost of Living in Blame

While anger and blame may feel empowering in the short term, they come at a cost.

They:

  • keep you locked in reactivity,
  • harden the heart,
  • narrow perception,
  • and prevent genuine vulnerability

When life is organised around grievance, there is little room for growth, curiosity, compassion, or change. The nervous system remains in a constant state of threat, scanning for further injustice. The past is endlessly rehearsed. The future feels foreclosed.

And perhaps most painfully, the original wound—the pain or shame that started it all—remains untouched.

Turning Toward What Hurts

Healing begins not with suppressing anger, but with listening to it.

Anger often asks:

  • Where did I feel powerless?
  • What loss have I not grieved?
  • What part of me learned it was unsafe to feel?

Turning inward requires courage. It means slowing down enough to feel what was once overwhelming. It means replacing self-judgment with honest attention. It means learning to sit with discomfort without immediately assigning fault.

This is not passivity. It is a deeper form of responsibility.

From Reaction to Inner Authority

When pain and shame are acknowledged rather than exiled, something shifts. The inner critic softens. Anger loses its grip. Blame no longer feels necessary.

What emerges instead is inner authority—a grounded sense of self that does not need constant opposition to exist.

From this place:

  • Boundaries become clearer
  • Compassion becomes possible
  • Action becomes wiser.

A Different Kind of Strength

In a culture that rewards outrage and certainty, choosing self-examination can feel countercultural. Yet it is precisely this inner work that allows real resilience to grow during the storms of uncertainty.

Strength is not the absence of anger.
It is the willingness to meet what lies beneath it.

And in doing so, you begin to loosen the grip of pain, shame, and grievance—not just in yourself, but in the world you help shape through your presence.

When you dare to stay present to your wound and surrender to vulnerability, anger softens into grief, shame loosens into compassion, and blame gives way to responsibility. This is not a weakness. It is an elevation of consciousness—a movement of resurrection at the heart of human experience, revealed in the image of Jesus dying on the cross and rising into new life.

In a world fuelled by outrage and certainty, the cross stands as a quiet contradiction: pain can be faced, borne, and transformed without being passed on.

And in that transformation, something new becomes possible—not only for the soul, but for the world it touches.

Reino Gevers – Host of the LivingToBe podcast

P.S. For those who feel drawn to explore this in-between season more intentionally, I am offering a six-week online course, Pilgrimage into New Beginnings. It is a quiet, reflective journey for times of transition, starting March 4th.

Leave a comment

Filed under psychology, purpose, self-development

Tagged as , , , , , , , , ,

by | May 26, 2025 · 8:58 am

The peril of rigid belief

Throughout history, one of the most potent catalysts of conflict and war has been humanity’s deep-seated addiction to rigid concepts and beliefs, particularly those rooted in religion, ideology, and political affiliation. These mental fixations often block the path to growth, empathy, and the elevation of consciousness.

While society rightly highlights the dangers of substance addictions like alcohol and drugs, we often overlook an equally destructive force: the psychological and emotional dependence on fixed worldviews. This addiction becomes especially visible during periods of rapid social upheaval and crisis. In such times, people often cling even more tightly to their beliefs, seeking certainty in a world that feels uncertain.

At the heart of these belief systems lies a refusal to entertain alternative perspectives. Even when faced with overwhelming evidence or scientific data, those entrenched in ideological thinking will often reject reason itself. For many, admitting they might be wrong is more terrifying than death. They become prisoners of their own convictions.

Scapegoating and misinformation

The COVID-19 pandemic offered a sobering modern example. As the virus swept across the globe, so too did a parallel wave of conspiracy theories, scapegoating, and misinformation. Rational discourse was drowned out by fanaticism. In many places, especially the United States, this led to deepening political polarization and extremism. Civil debate between differing political camps has become virtually impossible.

During the lockdown, I delved into the social consequences of previous pandemics. One of the most harrowing was the Black Plague of the 14th century, which devastated Europe and left cities and countrysides empty for decades. Faced with unimaginable death, people sought easy answers. In Strasbourg, a vicious rumor claimed Jews had poisoned the water wells, leading to the massacre of the city’s Jewish population. Those who were different—whether in religion, race, or opinion—were blamed.

In my latest book, Sages, Saints and Sinners, I explore how two central characters respond to such a crisis. While some individuals rise to the occasion with compassion and courage, others descend into violence and hatred. This story, rooted in historical truth, offers a mirror to our turbulent times. I encourage you to read it as a call to self-reflection.

Just like substance addiction, ideological addiction often stems from unresolved trauma and fear. In times of economic uncertainty or personal crisis, people gravitate toward simple answers to complex problems. This is the moment when deceivers step in, offering an easy scapegoat: You are not the problem—it’s “them.” The others. The outsiders. Those who think, look, or believe differently from you.

This narrative is tragically familiar. It has fueled genocides, invasions, land thefts, torture, witch hunts, and pogroms. History is littered with the consequences of belief systems weaponized against fellow human beings.

Healing begins within

Ideological fixation poisons the mind. The path to healing begins with honest inner reflection. We must each ask:


What lies beneath my anger, my sadness, my resentment?
How can I transmute these emotions into love, compassion, and understanding?

The responsibility rests with each of us. Our highest calling and our divine purpose is to cultivate and spread love. Love that transcends division. Love that sees the humanity in all beings. Love that embraces life in its fullness.

This is the true revolution. And it begins within.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor –Speaker

P.S: If you enjoyed this article you might be interested in my very latest book: Sages, Saints and Sinners Get it today on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and where all good books are sold.

Leave a comment

Filed under psychology, religion, self-development, spirituality

Tagged as , , , , , ,

by | May 19, 2025 · 10:46 am

The Hoopoe and life’s quiet invitations

There’s a bird that has fascinated me since childhood—the hoopoe.

With its elegant crown, zebra-striped wings, and quiet mystery, it’s always felt like more than just a bird. Here in Mallorca, a whole family of them lives in my garden, and I often watch them flit from tree to ground, moving with purpose and poise. But just the other day, one came unusually close—right up to my window.

We looked at each other for a moment. Still. Silent.

There was a sense that something was being exchanged without words. A subtle pause in time.

Was it a blessing? A message?

The Hoopoe as Spiritual Guide

In ancient literature and spiritual tradition, the hoopoe is no ordinary bird. It is said to move between the seen and unseen realms—a spiritual guide and messenger of deeper truths.

In the Persian classic The Conference of the Birds, the hoopoe leads a group of birds on a perilous inner journey, urging them to face their fears and seek union with the Divine. It doesn’t offer easy answers—it calls them to transformation.

That moment at the window made me wonder:
What is the hoopoe inviting me to see?
What fear am I being called to face?
What truth am I being asked to follow?

The Noise of the World and the Power of Whispers

We live in a world where the loudest voices often get the most attention. Where urgency, anxiety, and constant stimulation pull us in every direction. It’s so easy to be swept into the maelstrom of noise, to live in reaction rather than reflection.

And yet, life doesn’t always speak in volume.

Sometimes, the most important messages come not with noise—but with presence. Not in shouting—but in whispers.

These whispers can take many forms. They are gentle nudges that awaken something within us and guide us back to our soul’s purpose:

  • A sudden encounter with an animal or bird rich in symbolic meaning
  • A word, song, or conversation that strikes a deep, unexpected chord
  • A chance meeting with a stranger who feels like a messenger
  • A chapter in a book that completely shifts your path

A Whisper That Changed Everything

That last one happened to me.

Years ago, I picked up The Pilgrimage by Paulo Coelho. I read it in one night. And something inside me stirred awake. That book became a whisper—a gentle push that led me to walk the Camino de Santiago for the first time in 2006.

At the time, I was living in a dysfunctional marriage, navigating a stressful job, and anchored in a place that never truly felt like home. But that quiet invitation—a story—shifted the course of my life.

Becoming Who We Truly Are

I’ve come to believe, deeply and wholeheartedly, that every soul is born with a purpose.

Life is not about becoming someone new. It is about remembering who we truly are. We are sculpted by experience, softened through struggle, awakened by beauty. The adventure of life is the gradual unfolding of the self.

As Carl Gustav Jung once wrote:

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”

But this becoming doesn’t happen in the noise. It happens in stillness—in the quiet space where truth can finally reach us.

An Invitation to Pause

So, today I invite you:
Step away from the noise.

Take a walk in nature. Open your senses to the miracle of sight, smell, and touch. Breathe deeply. Sit in stillness. Offer gratitude—for your breath, your being, and the mystery of your life.

You are not random.
You are not alone.
You are part of something vast and sacred—a web of meaning, love, and purpose.

And sometimes, all it takes to remember that… is a whisper.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor –Speaker

P.S: If you enjoyed this article you might be interested in my very latest book: Sages, Saints and Sinners Get it today on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and where all good books are sold.

Leave a comment

Filed under psychology, religion, self-development, spirituality

Tagged as , , , ,

by | April 14, 2025 · 9:58 am

The Cost of Ego-Driven Leadership

There appears to be a growing fascination with the “Elon Musk” style of forceful leadership glorifying a macho bravado over emotional intelligence. But behind the tough talk lies a troubling truth: Such an approach quietly erodes the foundations of a business. After 15 years in the consultancy field, I’ve seen it firsthand. If you want to damage a company from the inside out, lead with ego and ignore the human element.

My work facilitating countless in-house workshops in a wide variety of business sectors is backed by research. Leadership matters. How managers and supervisors engage with their teams directly influences motivation, performance, absenteeism, customer satisfaction, innovation, and long-term loyalty. The impact is immediate and often irreversible.

A significant share of workplace-related mental health issues such as burnout and depression, can often be traced back to organizational dysfunction, and how supervisors and managers treat their teams. When disengaged or unhappy employees are asked to evaluate their leaders, they frequently highlight a lack of core social and emotional skills.

Common complaints include:

  • Inability to address or resolve conflicts
  • Reluctance to acknowledge or validate good work
  • Micromanagement and controlling behavior
  • Excessive focus on minor mistakes or faults

In some cases, managers transferred to new departments quickly saw the same pattern emerge—high absenteeism, low morale, and disengagement—indicating that leadership style, not just environment, was the root cause.

On the other end of the spectrum, passive or absent leadership is equally damaging. Teams want leadership—but they want it from someone who leads with integrity, consistency, and emotional intelligence. The most respected leaders don’t shy away from accountability. They address underperformance, but they do so with what can best be described as tough love—firm yet fair, grounded in mutual respect.

People who feel dehumanized, disconnect

Constructive feedback uplifts and encourages growth. In contrast, harsh, demeaning, or fear-based criticism—what some might call the “kick-arse” style—erodes trust, silences initiative, and ultimately dehumanizes. And when people feel dehumanized, they disconnect. That’s how organizations slowly begin to lose their heart—and their talent.

Sport teams offer a great example of leadership style in action. Authoritarian coaches often bring short-term success but fail in the long-term.

Clear expectations, discipline, and structure can boost performance, especially in high-pressure or high-stakes environments like playoffs or elite competition.

Reduced Player Autonomy, Creativity
Over time, however, athletes under this style of leadership show reduced motivation, creativity, and autonomy. A lack of personal agency can stifle adaptive thinking on the field, a key to navigating unpredictable situations.

While some authoritarian leaders succeed in rallying teams through sheer force of will, they often fail to build trust or psychological safety. When things go wrong, blame replaces support, and that kills morale and camaraderie.

My experience is that companies grossly underestimate the cost of bad leadership. Costs can be prohibitive when highly-skilled staff leave, absenteeism rises, and new staff have to be recruited and trained. This comes in addition to the costs caused by demotivated staff in a culture of fear and negativity.

Authoritarian leadership fails over time

Authoritarian leaders in business often deliver quick results. They take control, issue orders, and expect compliance. In moments of crisis or chaos, that decisiveness can seem like strength. But over time, the cracks start to show—both on the field and in the office.

Great teams thrive on trust, mutual respect, and shared purpose. Authoritarian leaders undermine that by silencing voices and centralizing power. Over time, teams stop collaborating and start competing—for attention, approval, or simply survival.

Leaders who foster inclusion, creativity, and emotional intelligence over time are more successful. Satya Nadella, revitalized Microsoft with his emphasis on shifting from a know-it-all culture to a learn-it-all culture, emphasizing emotional intelligence and humility.

Ed Catmull, co-founder of Pixar, and author of Creativity, Inc., a go-to book on healthy leadership. is quoted as saying: “Give a good idea to a mediocre team, and they will screw it up. Give a mediocre idea to a great team, and they will either fix it or come up with something better.”

Success and happiness at the workplace is increasingly dependent on how we communicate and interact with others. At the workplace people operate either as takes, matches, or givers without expecting anything in return, according to famous Organizational psychologist Adam Grant.

Takers are those who almost exclusively act in ways that advance their own personal agendas. In their interactions with others, they are internally asking the question, “What can you do for me?” Matchers operate on a quid pro quo basis, giving in equal measure as others have given to them. Matchers’ interactions are based on fairness, with interactions based on the idea that “If you do something for me, I’ll do something for you.” The third group, the givers, is made up of people who are characterized by serving those around them. The interaction of givers is based on the question, “What can I do for you?”

Grant’s research, based on interviews with 30,000 people across a variety of industries and cultures, reveals that although some givers get exploited and burn out, the rest achieve extraordinary results across a wide range of industries.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor –Speaker

If you enjoyed this article you might be interested in my latest book: Sages, Saints and Sinners and “The Turning of the Circle” on how the underlying the laws of nature, give an invaluable insight into life’s evolutionary cycle.

Leave a comment

Filed under connection, corporate health, happiness, happiness research, Job satisfaction, lifestyle management, psychology, self-development

Tagged as , , , , , , , , ,

by | March 23, 2025 · 3:38 pm

The Evolutionary Advantage of Empathy

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
– Maya Angelou

Empathy is our greatest evolutionary strength. While Social Darwinists argue that survival belongs to the strongest and most ruthless, history and science tell a different story. Humanity’s ability to connect, and to uplift one another has ensured our survival as a species.

Elon Musk’s belief that Western civilization’s greatest weakness is its empathy is not backed up by the science. Social Darwinism and much of the rightwing media ecosystem argue that the “strong” rise to the top and the “weak” fail, justifying economic inequality. Empathy is perceived as vulnerability and weakness in the competitive business environment.

Empathy is often confused with passivity and “people pleasing”. However, numerous studies confirm that empathy is actually a strength, fostering trust, enhancing decision-making, and building strong relationships.

Leaders with empathy are more effective

A study by the Center for Creative Leadership (Gentry, Weber, & Sadri, 2016) found that leaders who demonstrate empathy perform better and are more effective in managing teams. Employees who feel understood and valued are more engaged and productive.

Contrary to the belief that empathy clouds judgment, research shows it actually helps people make more ethical and fair decisions. A study published in The Journal of Business Ethics (Wang, Hackett, & Cao, 2016) found that empathetic leaders were more likely to make morally sound decisions that benefited both individuals and organizations.

A global study by the Businessolver 2021 State of Workplace Empathy Report found that 92 per cent of employees believe empathy is undervalued in the workplace, and 72 per cent of CEOs say empathy directly impacts financial performance.

Empathy as Strength

Rather than being a liability, empathy is a strategic advantage—helping individuals and organizations thrive through stronger relationships, ethical leadership, and enhanced decision-making. True empathy is not about weakness or passivity but about understanding others while maintaining boundaries and making informed, impactful choices.

A society based on Social Darwinism where the strongest, wealthiest and most powerful are venerated is a doomed society that is less compassionate, less caring, and less kind. It is the very opposite of value-based Western society based on the fundamentals of Christian values such as caring for the sick and needy and the most vulnerable in society.

Empathy has been a critical factor in the survival and success of the human species. While physical strength and intelligence played roles, our ability to cooperate, understand, and support each other has been one of the most significant evolutionary advantages.

Unlike solitary species, early humans relied on group survival. Anthropologists like Sarah Blaffer Hrdy (Mothers and Others, 2009) argue that empathy—especially in the form of cooperative child-rearing—was key to human evolution. Groups that cared for their weak, sick, or young had a higher survival rate than those that abandoned struggling members.

In the global happiness Index, Scandinavian societies, particularly Finland have consistently polled highest as the most happy societies. Finnish society is characterized by high levels of trust—both in fellow citizens and in public institutions. This trust is nurtured by subtle yet deep social bonds where empathy helps people understand and support one another, even in a culture that might appear reserved at first glance.

Finland’s robust welfare system amplifies these effects by ensuring that people feel cared for by society.

This creates a virtuous cycle—when people see their society as compassionate and responsive, their own empathetic behaviors are reinforced, further boosting overall happiness.

Research in positive psychology has linked empathy with higher levels of life satisfaction and emotional well-being. Empathetic interactions help reduce feelings of isolation and stress, which are key factors in long-term happiness.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor –Speaker

If you enjoyed this article you might be interested in my latest book: Sages, Saints and Sinners to be launched globally on April 8th, 2025.

Leave a comment

Filed under happiness, Happiness Index, humanity, mental health, mental-health, psychology, self-development

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

by | February 17, 2025 · 10:13 am

This too shall pass

“Like river tides and autumn leaves,
All things must drift, all things must weave.
No hand can hold the fleeting dawn,
For what is here will soon be gone.” — Unknown

External events, such as elections and economic cycles, can easily consume all your attention, pulling you away from your true purpose and inner joy. You may perceive the world as chaotic, making it harder to focus on the person you are meant to become.

If recent political events have left you feeling disheartened, powerless, or overwhelmed, know that you are not alone. Take comfort in the timeless wisdom: “This too shall pass.” Challenges are temporary, and no moment—good or bad—lasts forever. Stay grounded, keep perspective, and trust in your resilience.

The origins of the expression are unclear. According to Jewish folklore, King Solomon is said to have asked his advisors for something that would keep him grounded. They presented him with a ring inscribed with “Gam zeh ya’avor” (גם זה יעבור), which translates as “This too shall pass.”

The phrase has also been linked to several other traditions and later gained popularity in Western culture, and was famously quoted by Abraham Lincoln in a speech in 1859.

Lincoln made his remarks at the Wisconsin State Fair in Milwaukee, at a time of looming civil war, and rising political divisions over the slavery issue. He referenced an Eastern monarch who sought a phrase from advisors that would always be true in both good and bad times.

The answer he received was “This too shall pass away.” Lincoln used this phrase to highlight the idea that all circumstances—whether good or bad—are temporary.

The phrase serves as a powerful reminder to the wealthy, the powerful, and the arrogant that humility is essential, and success can be fleeting.

Just as nature moves through its cycles, life is impermanent, with good and bad times constantly shifting. Those who remain attached to power and wealth are especially vulnerable to these unpredictable forces, much like the changing seasons. They cannot be controlled.

Seizing back control when life becomes challenging

In the winter season of life, external events can at times be very challenging. But there are ways of how you can seize back control by focusing on those things that you can control:

  • Accepting a reality does not mean that you approve of it
  • You can control your response and your emotions to external events
  • Remind yourself that nothing lasts forever including challenging times

You can reframe your perspective into a question:

What can I learn from this and what opportunity may arise from this situation?

This is a time to build resilience by strengthening body, mind, and spirit. Falling into despondency and negativity will not serve you well. Try limiting your exposure to negativity such as negative social media and news events. Surround yourself with positive people and do things that boost your vibrational energy.

Practicing Gratitude

Being grateful for those things that are going well in your life can be a powerful tool of reframing emotions and feelings. Write down every day three things you can be truly grateful for.

Letting go of attachments to beliefs, perspectives, and emotions is a journey. Realigning with the rhythms of nature—listening to the wind, the rustling leaves, birds singing or the gentle flow of water—can be profoundly healing.

A deep walking meditation in nature allows for a reset, grounding yourself in the present moment. Whenever you feel weighed down, shift your focus to your breath. With each inhale, reconnect to your true self; with each exhale, release what no longer serves you.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

P.S. If you enjoyed this article you will be interested in my books available where all good books are sold.

Leave a comment

Filed under happiness, meditation, mental health, mental-health, purpose, self-development, Uncategorized

Tagged as , , , , ,

by | February 9, 2025 · 11:31 am

Stupidity and Evil: Bonhoeffer’s Insights

“Stupidity is a more dangerous enemy of the good than malice, because malice can be exposed and prevented by the use of force, but against stupidity we are defenseless.”- Dietrich Bonhoeffer –

The German theologian and dissident Dietrich Bonhoeffer is renowned for his unwavering faith, ethical convictions, and reflections on what it means to be a Christian in times of crisis. Sentenced to death in a sham trial by the Nazis, his philosophy on stupidity and evil remains strikingly relevant today, amid the resurgence of rightwing extremism.

In the weeks leading up to his execution, Bonhoeffer deeply reflected. He considered how ordinary, decent people abandoned independent thought and passively accepted horrific evil.

Bonhoeffer was arrested by the Nazis in April 1943 and held in a Berlin prison until his execution in April 1945 only weeks before the end of World War II. During his time in prison he outlined in his Letters and Prayers from Prison, a compelling view on the moral failings of a society leading up to authoritarian rule.

It is a stark warning to developments in today’s world marked by misinformation and the erosion of democratic norms and values in Western democracies.

Stupidity is more dangerous than evil?

He argued that stupidity was even more dangerous than evil because people were blind to reason and resistant to correction. Unlike an evil person, the stupid person is unaware of his own ignorance and can easily be manipulated by dark forces. A stupid person or a person stuck in an ego personality will also never admit that they made a mistake.

The theologian observed that individuals become even more foolish when becoming part of “group-think”, especially under authoritarian regimes. When individuals surrender independent thought to a group they become incapable of critical self-reflection, making them susceptible to propaganda.

People become particularly susceptible to stupidity and evil if they surrender their moral and intellectual independence to an external authority.

To resist this, according to Bonhoeffer individuals must be liberated through self-reflection and self-work:

  • Develop a strong ethical foundation based on conscience rather than blind obedience. He warned that authoritarian regimes manipulate people by dulling their moral senses. Behavior that would never have been tolerated under normal circumstances becomes the norm.
  • As a Christian theologian, Bonhoeffer emphasized that faith in God should lead to courage and resistance against injustice. True discipleship means refusing to be complicit with evil.
  • In oppressive systems people stop thinking for themselves. Encouraging education, open dialogue, and debate can counteract this.

Developing internal and external freedom

Bonhoeffer also recognized that internal liberation needed to be aligned at the same time with external freedom. He advocated for:

  • A just society required strong institutions that upheld justice and human dignity.
  • Bonhoeffer himself took direct action against the Nazi regime, arguing that when a state becomes oppressive, Christians and moral individuals must resist, even at great personal cost.
  • Oppressive systems isolate individuals to maintain control. Bonhoeffer emphasized the importance of ethical communities that support and empower individuals to act against injustice.

Bonhoeffer deeply believed in the interconnection between internal and external freedom. A society that values fundamental democratic freedoms will create conditions where moral and intellectual independence thrive.

People who are empowered by taking personal responsibility will challenge unjust systems rather than surrender to conformity. It is a powerful argument for the role of ethics, faith, and personal responsibility in protecting democracy.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

P.S. If you enjoyed this article you will be interested in my books available where all good books are sold.

You can watch the podcast interview with Katharine Giovanni here and also on the Youtube channel Living to BE

Leave a comment

Filed under mental health, mental-health, psychology, religion, self-development, spirituality, trump presidency

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,