Tag Archives: health

by | December 9, 2024 · 9:11 am

When Faith Turns Toxic: The Spiritual Journey

The rebirth of Paris’s Notre-Dame Cathedral, five years after a devastating fire, serves as a striking beacon of hope during a time marked by division, uncertainty, and fear. It is a powerful testament to what humanity can achieve when united in a shared purpose.

Europe’s great cathedrals, such as Chartres and Notre-Dame, were more than architectural marvels. They were profound expressions of faith, creativity, and communal spirit. These towering structures, built to reflect heavenly glory, continue to inspire awe and remind us of the enduring power of collective endeavor.

What unites people around a common purpose fosters trust and transcends individual interests. For millennia, religious rituals and practices have served this unifying function, binding communities to shared values, goals, and principles. Religion has also provided a framework for understanding suffering and adversity, offering solace and resilience in times of need.

Religion and the sense of belonging

As inherently social beings, humans find strength in connection. Participating in religious ceremonies has historically reinforced a sense of belonging and strengthened the social fabric of communities. Modern studies affirm this, linking faith and religious involvement to lower levels of depression and anxiety, underscoring the vital role of shared spirituality in nurturing mental and emotional well-being.

Hill and Pargament (2003) concluded that spirituality fosters resilience by enhancing hope and optimism, even in highly stressful situations.

But paradoxically the affiliation to a specific religion, community or faith often strengthens the divide between “them and us”. Religion can bring out the best and the worst in humanity. Friendships, humanity and service may be restricted to the “in group” while those outside the group were often villified and dehumanized.

In my recent podcast on LivingtoBE, I discussed with psychologist Katie Turner, on when spirituality or religion becomes toxic and in some cases cause long-lasting trauma.

  • When clergy, therapists or spiritual teachers have not done the the self-work by transmuting their own shadows they will project these on their followers.
  • Some religious beliefs discourage seeking professional help, claiming that prayer or faith alone should suffice.
  • Religion is then abused as a tool of manipulation, coercion, control and exclusion. Overemphasis on sin, punishment, or unachievable standards of moral purity can lead to chronic guilt and shame.
  • Toxic religion often revolves around charismatic leaders who demand absolute loyalty and discourage critical thinking or questioning.

When members of a religious community feel compelled to suppress their individuality, religion can even alienate them from their authentic spiritual path and soul purpose.

Religious platitudes may hinder personal growth and self-discovery, with fixed beliefs locking individuals into a singular worldview obstructing the evolution of spiritual awareness and consciousness.

What Can Help?

  • Set Boundaries: Establish clear limits on how much influence religion exerts over your life and well-being.
  • Seek Broader Perspectives: Explore spiritual practices and belief systems that prioritize love, tolerance, acceptance, and personal growth.
  • Consider Professional Support: Therapy or counseling can provide a safe space for healing from spiritual abuse or the effects of toxic religious experiences.

At its best, religion offers sanctuary, love, and compassion during times of need. At its worst, it can inflict profound physical and emotional harm. Cultivating a grounded connection to your own intuitive senses and spiritual needs will help you discern and navigate the difference, empowering you to recognize and avoid toxic expressions of faith.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

P.S. If you enjoyed this article you will be interested in my books available where all good books are sold.

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by | December 4, 2024 · 10:29 am

Home: Reflections on Place and Belonging

The landscape that you inhabit shapes you in profound ways, prompting the question: Where is home, and what environment truly nurtures your joy, energy, and zest for life?

Recently, I returned to South Africa, revisiting the places that defined my childhood. The journey was deeply reflective, stirring memories and a realization: home is no longer where it once was.

While timeless landmarks like the mountains and rivers of the Drakensberg endure, everything shaped by human hands changes—and often, tragically, deteriorates.

In rural South Africa, essential infrastructure like roads, sanitation, water, and electricity has largely collapsed or is on the brink of failure. Political corruption has turned state institutions into feeding troughs for party loyalists, leaving what was once the pride of Africa’s railways and roads in disrepair.

The place of home can shift

Circumstances led me to leave my birthplace at a young age. For years, I lived and worked in Germany—a land tied to my ancestral roots but one I could never truly call home. The long, cold, and wet winters left me battling colds and flu for weeks, an unmistakable signal that my well-being needed a different environment.

At times I was terribly homesick, longing for the blue skies, expansive landscapes, sounds and smells of my African homeland. It is easy to fall into the trap of melancholy sadness of what once was and is no more, the past becoming an idealized and distorted image.

Finding the place in the sun

Seven years ago, I found my place under the sun in Mallorca, Spain. It wasn’t until then that I fully understood how deeply geography, culture, and community impacts not just physical health but mental vibrancy and energy.

Sometimes, choosing to live someplace else does change everything for the better, notwithstanding that you always take yourself with you. Home is ultimately within. Home is what creates a sense of belonging and purpose.

Feeling at home sometimes shifts as you grow, adapt, and explore the world. At times, it’s where you were born or raised, rooted in childhood memories and traditions. At other times, it’s where you feel most alive, inspired, and at peace—a place or state of mind that aligns with your values, dreams, and well-being.

Recently the most renowned South African writer and poet Breyten Breytenbach passed away in his home in Paris. In his prose, Breytenbach frequently explored how the home one remembers rarely aligns with the home one finds upon return. The landscapes may remain familiar, but the social, political, and personal contexts often shift dramatically.

Returning home can evoke a profound sense of loss—of the self that once belonged fully to that place and the home that no longer exists as it was. Returning to childhood landscapes can be a complex, bittersweet experience, marked by both longing and alienation.

In a poignant in his book “Return to Paradise”, Breytenbach reflects:

We carry our homes within us,
shaped by the stories of our scars.
The land may hold its silence,
but the roads remember our footsteps.

Where is the place where you can truly breathe and thrive?

What does home mean to you?

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

P.S. If you enjoyed this article you will be interested in my books available where all good books are sold.

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by | November 27, 2024 · 2:50 pm

Understanding Loneliness vs. Solitude

Loneliness and solitude are often confused, but they are fundamentally different. Loneliness is not merely the absence of human relationships. It reflects a deeper sense of inner emptiness, signifying a lack of meaning and a disconnect from purpose.

Loneliness is a place of pain where the void often manifests in addictions, especially to external distractions that ultimately create more suffering.

Solitude is an intentional choice

Solitude, on the other hand, is the intentional choice to spend time alone. It is a self-created space for recalibration and mental detox.

In solitude, the mind is given the opportunity to quiet itself, creating a fertile ground for personal growth, self-discovery, and creativity.

While loneliness drains, solitude replenishes.

Meditation, yoga, tai chi, and deep walking in nature are only some of the useful tools in training the monkey mind to be really present and appreciative of the magic of the moment.

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But what if the pain is so deep that every moment alone is a place of torture?

Anyone who has experienced the pain of losing a loved one, the trauma of a break-up or divorce, financial disaster, the loss of a job or a life-threatening diagnosis will know that during such moments you need more than ever stable relationships and community to help navigate the crisis. Sometimes it is just important for another being to be present, holding a hand in silent compassion.

Human connection is fundamental

Human connection is fundamental to your well-being. It’s easier to transform pain when you feel seen, heard, and acknowledged by others. Yet, modern society’s focus on individualism—liberty, personal expression, and the pursuit of a singular life purpose—has often come at the expense of community.

 A study on “Social Relationships and Health” by Julianne Holt-Lunstad, Timothy B. Smith, and J. Bradley Layton (published in PLoS Medicine, 2010) revealed that that loneliness and social isolation significantly increase the risk of poor mental health and mortality. On the other hand the effects of social connections on health were found to be comparable to or greater than well-known risk factors such as smoking cessation, physical activity, and obesity management.

As social beings, we thrive in connection and falter in isolation, both mentally and physically. Yet, we find ourselves increasingly divided into opposing camps of “us” versus “them.” Strong religious and political ideologies—sometimes addictive in their nature—further deepen these divides, often fueled by external influences with hidden agendas. The rise of religious orthodoxy and political extremism underscores this growing fragmentation, creating artificial “tribal” communities that exclude rather than include.

The innate universal human quality for compassion, is frequently sacrificed on the altar of rigid beliefs and superficial differences. They are amplified by external forces, clouding the ability to see a shared humanity.

Yet there is a path back to serving both the true self and community – solitude. Taking even a few minutes each day to disconnect from the noise can ground you, fostering self-compassion, and reignite your capacity for love.

When you cultivate self-love, you naturally extend that same compassion and energy outward, treating others with greater understanding and kindness.

True connection begins within. By rediscovering our compassionate nature, we can bridge the divides and reclaim the value of community.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

P.S. If you enjoyed this article you will be interested in my books available where all good books are sold.

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by | November 5, 2024 · 11:21 am

What makes you happy?

“Gratitude is the antidote to the weight of regret”

In an uncertain and sometimes chaotic world, the constant stream of negative news can feel overwhelming, often overshadowing the positive moments. Unfortunately, the mind tends to focus more on negativity, making it essential to intentionally cultivate a mindset that embraces joy and positivity.

Throughout each day, we all face both positive and negative experiences. But have you ever wondered why the negative ones linger in your mind longer and why the negative message is more powerful than the positive?

Conditioning the mind to joy involves rewiring the brain to focus more on positive experiences, feelings, and thoughts while managing stress and challenges more effectively. Here are several practices that can help with this:

Gratitude

  • Daily Reflection: Spend a few minutes each day reflecting on things you’re grateful for, even small things. Writing them down can amplify the effect, as it reinforces positive neural pathways.
  • Reframe Challenges: When facing difficulties, try to focus on any lessons or positives that can come from them. What do I need to learn from this experience? I there a positive side to this?

Meditation and Deep Walking

  • Stay Present: Mindfulness teaches you to focus on the present, reducing tendencies to dwell on the past or worry about the future, both of which can detract from joy.
  • Deep Walking in nature is a great way of reconnecting and alignment. Spending time in the green and blue spaces of nature and opening the senses to sound, smell and feeling will noticeable reduce your stress levels. If you want to find out more, check out my book: Deep Walking for Body, Mind and Soul.

Positive Visualization

  • Imagine Joyful Outcomes: Regularly visualizing positive experiences can help the brain become more attuned to them. Picture moments that bring you happiness and success, even small ones, and try to evoke the emotions you’d feel in those scenarios.
  • Future Gratitude: Think about things you’re looking forward to or would like to happen, and imagine how grateful you’ll feel when they do.

Self-Love

  • Speak Kindly to Yourself: The way you talk to yourself affects how you feel about yourself. Practicing self-compassion means addressing your thoughts with kindness and patience, which fosters a more joyful and supportive inner world.
  • Forgive Yourself: Mistakes happen, and letting go of self-criticism can bring immediate relief and joy.

Acts of Kindness

  • Give to Others: Helping others releases oxytocin and other “feel-good” hormones, creating a sense of connection and joy.
  • Practice Appreciation: Show gratitude to those around you, which can increase your own sense of happiness and fulfillment.

Flow Activities

  • Find a Passion or Hobby: Activities that fully absorb your attention—like art, sports, or music—can create “flow” states, which are deeply satisfying and joyful.
  • Focus on Progress: Rather than aiming for perfection, celebrate small wins and improvements, which can help you appreciate your journey.

Cultivate Optimism

  • Challenge Negative Thoughts: When you notice negative thoughts, ask yourself if they’re realistic or if there’s a more positive perspective you could consider.
  • Practice Positive Affirmations: Regularly affirming positive beliefs about yourself and your future can build a mindset that gravitates toward joy.

Physical Exercise

  • Exercise Regularly: Physical activity releases endorphins, boosts mood, and reduces stress, all of which contribute to a happier space.
  • Smile Often: Even forcing a smile can trigger a small release of dopamine, making the brain associate smiling with joy.

Building positive habits and cultivating a resilient mindset takes time, especially if you’ve spent years dwelling in negativity. It’s a gradual process, but starting small can make a big impact. Begin with simple actions, like writing down three things you’re grateful for each day. Or take a few minutes each day to walk in nature or meditate. Over time, these small steps add up, creating a powerful, lasting effect.

In my village, there’s a Moroccan fruit and vegetable vendor who greets each customer with a big smile and a warm, friendly remark. Recently, I told him how his kindness radiates positivity to everyone he meets. Just think of the hundreds of people he uplifts, day after day, week after week, year after year. For me he is a reminder of how just one person can have a profoundly positive effect.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

P.S. If you enjoyed this article you will be interested in my books available where all good books are sold.

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by | October 28, 2024 · 7:39 am

Leadership matters: The Strong vs the Wise

Whether it’s the captain of a ship, a school principal, a company manager, or the president of a nation, leadership makes a difference. The character and values a leader demonstrates through words and actions can have a profound impact.

For more than a decade, I’ve had the opportunity to work with hundreds of companies, gaining much insight into the challenges and success stories when it comes to people management, motivation, creativity and well-being.

Ultimately, leadership plays a huge role. It determines how a family, a company, an institution, or even a country adapts and navigates tumultuous times.

Brute strength and fear never work

It’s not brute strength that counts, but wisdom. A “strong” leader, is often authoritarian and surrounded by sycophants, refuses to take good advice and relies on fear-based tactics.

This approach is often seen in leaders driven by ego or even malignant narcissism. It can lead to immense, lasting harm. Such leaders tend to belittle others to mask their own insecurities and deficiencies.

The wise leader, by contrast, has a bigger vision, grounded in social intelligence and deep listening. They pick up early signals before issues escalate into crises, navigating with a calm, compassionate demeanor. Wise leadership is marked by patience, thoughtfulness, and humility, creating an atmosphere where people feel valued and respected.

Mandela exemplified compassionate leadership

Nelson Mandela exemplified this. After being unjustly imprisoned for 27 years, he had every reason to harbor bitterness. Yet, when I met Mandela shortly after his release from prison in 1990, he showed a profound sense of forgiveness. He realized that hate and retribution would only hinder a peaceful, democratic future for South Africa. He recognized that his true strength lay in bringing together opposite sides in building one nation.

Body language tells the truth

To grasp the distinction between effective and ineffective leadership, we should pay attention not just to words but to body language. Wise leaders convey a natural authority through measured movements, creating an environment of stability and composure even in high-stress scenarios. Their expressions are often accompanied by a gentle smile that signals warmth and approachability. They nod or offer affirmations while others speak, embodying active listening and respect.

In contrast, ego-driven leaders tend to use body language to assert control. They may invade personal space, exhibit forceful gestures like pointing or chopping the air, and maintain scowling or emotionless expressions, creating an atmosphere of intimidation and tension rather than collaboration and respect.

This distinction is crucial because effective leadership directly shapes workplace culture, employee engagement, and job satisfaction—all key factors influencing absenteeism and work-related stress.

Bad leadership destroys health and well-being

Research supports this, such as the Health and Well-being at Work report from the Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development (CIPD) in the UK. This 2019 study found that 37 percent of employees cited “management style” as a major source of workplace stress, a significant factor in absenteeism.

  • Organizations with supportive managers reported lower absenteeism rates, as employees felt valued and connected to their work.
  • Furthermore, the report highlighted how companies with inclusive, communicative, and supportive cultures see fewer absences.
  • When leadership invests in employee well-being, absenteeism rates can drop by nearly 25 percent, significantly reducing burnout and fostering resilience, health and satisfaction.

What does this mean for national leadership? Leaders at the helm of a country have an outsize influence. They can incite division, demean, and fragment society. Do they bring out the worst in the human being in emanating fear, intolerance, anger and retribution? Or, do they heal, unite, respect, and motivate a nation, elevating it to a higher state of consciousness.

The character and values of a nation are mirrored in its chosen leaders, as the philosopher and writer Joseph de Maistre, (1753–1821) once said:

“Every nation gets the government it deserves.”

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

P.S. If you enjoyed this article you will be interested in my books available where all good books are sold.

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by | October 21, 2024 · 1:46 am

From religion to the political cult

For centuries, organized religion shaped people’s beliefs, provided meaning, and defined purpose in life. However, in today’s increasingly secular world, political parties are stepping into this void, offering a “gospel” that vilifies and divides.

Genuine political debate and the exchange of ideas have taken a back seat, as leaders of political movements are elevated to “cult” status, portrayed as messianic figures who claim to hold the ultimate truth.

Political cults manipulate and coerce

Many self-proclaimed religious prophets and sects inevitably faded into obscurity amid financial scandals and sexual abuse. Political cults meanwhile seem to have a field day seek in coercing followers into submission while draining them of their material resources.

Cult members are notorious for defending and excusing the misdeeds, bad behavior, and extravagance of their leaders. Devotion becomes an addiction to belief. Identity is entirely tied to cult membership.

It is only after a long process of “detoxification” that individuals may realize that true happiness cannot be outsourced. No one else is responsible for creating your happiness or unhappiness—ultimately, it is the choices you make that shape a fulfilling life..

The similarities between organized religion and political parties with a cult-like following are compelling. They both provide members with community, identity and a sense of belonging. Membership of a “tribe” shapes your friendships and beliefs. Political ideologies can become just as dogmatic as religious orthodoxy, with little room for compromise or divergent views.

The political cult uses party symbols, flags, and slogans in a similar way as religious iconography, reinforcing group identity and loyalty.

In the “Us vs. Them Mentality” political cults foster a binary division between “us” (the faithful) and “them” (the heretical or the non-believers). It ultimately leads to increased division and social fragmentation.

Historical parallels

In the mid 20th-century the fascist movements in Italy and Germany took on religious-like fervor. Mussolini and Hitler were literally worshipped as messianic figures, built around powerful symbols such as swastikas, chanting of slogans at mass rallies with oaths of allegiance.

History teaches us that when organized religion retreats into orthodoxy and forms a toxic alliance with political radicalism, the consequences are devastating.

The Thirty Years’ War (1618–1648) was one of the most destructive and complex conflicts in European history, involving many of the major powers and resulting in significant political, social, and religious upheavels across the continent. While starting out as an ideological conflict between Catholics and Protestants, it was also driven by political, dynastic, and territorial ambitions.

The conflict was only solved in The Peace of Westphalia treaty establishing the principle of religious tolerance within the Holy Roman Empire, effectively ending large-scale religious wars in Europe. This came after The Holy Roman Empire lost between 15-20 percent of its population. In some regions, such as Germany, where most of the fighting took place, certain areas lost up to half of their inhabitants.

Most concerning are current development in countries such as the United States and India where religious fundamentalism forms an alliance with political radicalism. There is a breakdown of democracy, intolerance of dissent, a breakdown in constructive dialogue, and ultimately social fragmentation and disintegration.

A political religion is centered on building a tribe of like-minded followers who can be swayed and manipulated by those seeking power and personal gain. While it fosters a sense of identity and community, it demands unwavering loyalty to its self-constructed ideology, silencing dissent and, in the end, stripping the followers of their freedom and happiness.

The 13th-century Mystic Meister Eckart, in warning of the false prophets, said: “Let us observe first, therefore, that there are some who follow God. These are the perfect. Others walk close by God, at His side. These are the imperfect. But there are others who run in front of God, and these are the wicked.”

The new “cosmic” religion

Albert Einstein envisioned a new “cosmic religion” not tied to any particular religious creed or doctrine. Instead of being bound to specific religious institutions or deities, the “cosmic religion” would be rooted in a sense of awe, wonder, and reverence for the universe itself—what he called the “cosmic mystery.”

Einstein felt that science, by revealing the beauty, interconnection and complexity of nature, could evoke a profound spiritual response, that could unify humanity beyond traditional religious divides. He emphasized moral responsibility, interconnectedness, and an appreciation for the mysteries of existence, without reliance on traditional religious structures or personal gods.

Experiential spirituality in contrast to organized religion is rooted in direct, personal experience of the divine, or a sense of connection to the universe. It is an inward, subjective journey where each individual seeks their own spiritual truths through spiritual practises such as meditation, deep walking in nature and personal reflection. Individual spiritual experience is the ultimate authority.

Happiness is a state of mind

Happiness is a state of mind and perspective. Most humans spend a large portion of their day thinking of that which was and is no more or in anxiousness and fear of an uncertain future. A negative mindset opens your mind to manipulation by external forces. The only reality is the present moment.

What do you have in your life for which you can be truly grateful?

Why not practice a gratitude ritual for the small blessings and miracles of life? What brings you authentic joy and happiness?

If you have electricity, clean water, a roof over your head, and food on the table, you are incredibly fortunate compared to a significant portion of humanity. These basic amenities, which many take for granted in developed parts of the world, remain out of reach for millions of people globally.

Access to these resources gives you much better economic security and educational opportunities. You have the ability to improve your life and the lives of future generations. You are fortunate to have greater freedom to pursue personal goals, education, and self-improvement, and don’t need to struggle for survival like most people on earth.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

P.S. If you enjoyed this article you will be interested in my books available where all good books are sold.

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by | October 7, 2024 · 2:52 am

Rediscover Calm: The Benefits of Trees

I often wonder why a walk in the forest quickly awakens my senses. It sharpens the sounds and smells around me. It also leaves me feeling peaceful and calm. This serenity has sparked much of the imagination behind my latest book. Science now supports what many of us have intuitively known: trees have a profound ability to put us in a positive state of mind.

The Japanese practice of Shinrin-yoku, or “forest bathing,” introduced in 1982 by Japan’s Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry, and Fisheries, was designed specifically to counter rising stress and mental health issues by encouraging people to spend time in forests.

The concept is simple: take a slow, mindful walk among the trees, engage your senses, and breathe deeply.

Recent research confirms that trees emit aromatic compounds called phytoncides, which have measurable health benefits. Dr. Qing Li, a leading figure in forest medicine and associate professor at Nippon Medical School, conducted a groundbreaking study published in 2007.

The findings revealed that time spent in forests significantly boosts natural killer (NK) cell activity, which plays a crucial role in the immune system’s ability to fight cancer and infections.

Moreover, the study showed a marked reduction in the stress hormone cortisol following forest immersion, leading to a drop in stress and anxiety. Participants reported improved mood, reduced anxiety, and an overwhelming sense of calm and relaxation after time spent in the woods. These lower stress levels improve sleep, reduce blood pressure, and, in the long run, support longevity.

The human brain is wired to negative bias

In today’s world, where our minds are constantly bombarded with negative messages that fuel anxiety and fear, this connection to nature becomes even more crucial. The human brain is wired with a negativity bias, a survival mechanism that our ancestors developed to remain alert to potential threats in their environment. If two hunters crossed paths, the first instinct would be to ask about dangers ahead.

This bias is embedded in the amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for emotional processing. It reacts more strongly to negative stimuli, triggering the body’s fight-or-flight response.

Stress shuts down vital body organs

In moments of perceived danger, stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol flood the body. They shut down non-essential functions like digestion. They also concentrate all resources on immediate action. This intense focus on survival overshadows positive experiences, making negative emotions like fear, anger, or sadness more memorable and impactful than joy or calm.

This is why negative narratives—particularly in politics and media—are so powerful. They tap into our primal wiring, skewing our perception of reality to appear far more dangerous and threatening than it often is. It’s essential, now more than ever, to guard the mind against this bombardment and create space for healing and rejuvenation.

You can actively counter the negativity bias by practicing gratitude, and mindfulness. When was the last time you went for a walk in the park or in a forest?

A walk amid trees in nature will help retrain the brain to focus on positive experiences, strengthening emotional resilience and fostering a greater sense of happiness.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

P.S. If you enjoyed this article you will be interested in my books available where all good books are sold.

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by | October 1, 2024 · 4:00 am

Finding inner peace: Why politics isn’t the answer

Owen’s story is a deeply tragic one, echoing the struggles of millions around the world. As a child, he endured emotional neglect, bullying, and physical abuse. As an adult, he tried to bury his painful past through hard work and discipline, building what appeared to be a successful life and career.

Owen found love, married, and started a family. Yet, beneath this outward success, unresolved anger and emotional wounds began to surface, triggered by seemingly minor incidents. These flare-ups led to growing conflicts both at work and in his marriage.

His wife and colleagues were concerned and encouraged him to seek professional help. Viewing therapy as a weakness, he refused to confront his inner turmoil. Over time, his life unraveled. Owen’s marriage broke down. When his company faced financial hardship, he was among the first to lose his job.

Although he eventually found another position, it paid far less and left him feeling bitter and resentful. Instead of looking inward, Owen began to externalize his unhappiness, spending hours online, where he became engrossed in extremist ideologies. Political demagogues fed his grievances, reinforcing his belief that his problems were caused by others.

Rather than facing his internal struggles and taking responsibility for his choices, Owen clung to the promises of a political leader who painted an idyllic future. Sadly, this path only deepened his frustration, because here’s the truth: No government, leader, or external force can be held responsible for your personal mindset or choices.

Owen’s story may sound familiar—it could mirror your own, or reflect the experiences of someone you know. But there’s a way out of this cycle. Here are some steps to find peace and happiness in your life:

  • Forgive, love, and accept yourself: Life is full of challenges, failures, and setbacks. Take responsibility for your reactions to them. Blame won’t change your circumstances, but your mindset and approach to life’s ups and downs are within your control.
  • Discover your purpose: You’re here for a reason. Identify your strengths and ask yourself how you can contribute to the greater good. Meaning often comes from serving others and connecting to something larger than yourself.
  • Find a spiritual anchor: Whether through meditation, time in nature, or connecting with a supportive community, grounding yourself in a spiritual practice can provide comfort, clarity, and joy.
  • Practice gratitude: Even in the smallest things, there are always blessings to be found. If you can walk, see the sunrise, or enjoy a simple meal, there’s reason to be thankful. Creating a daily gratitude practice can elevate your energy and invite more positivism into your life.

Ultimately, happiness and fulfillment come from within. By learning to love yourself, you can shift your life to a higher vibrational frequency.

What are you emanating and attracting in your life? Are you the type of person whose company people enjoy? Do you light up a room with kindness, situational awareness and joy?

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

P.S. If you enjoyed this article you will be interested in my books available where all good books are sold.

Check out also the recent episode on the Living to BE podcast and Youtube with our special guest Matt O’Neill. The topic: Happiness is a Choice.

Related topics:

Why are so many people angry and unhappy?

Healing the wounded inner child

Victimhood and embracing responsibility

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by | September 9, 2024 · 2:30 pm

Healing the Wounded Inner Child: A Key to Finding Soul Purpose

Unlocking your true potential and discovering your soul-driven purpose often begins with healing your inner child—the part of you that struggles with procrastination or reacts intensely to seemingly minor triggers.

Many adults carry emotional wounds from childhood, like shame, guilt, or neglect, which can lead to feeling stuck in a victim mentality, reliving the past. Instead of facing and nurturing this wounded inner self, some turn to addiction or other forms of escape, missing the opportunity for true healing and growth.

Even more troubling, the wounded inner child—having endured severe physical and emotional abuse—may adopt aggressive behavior as a defense mechanism. Many of history’s most ruthless dictators, including Adolf Hitler, Mao Zedong, Joseph Stalin, and Vladimir Putin, experienced deeply traumatic childhoods.

A malignant narcissist, rather than addressing the root of their pain, develops an insatiable need to be admired, validated, and revered. Beneath this façade lies a profound lack of self-esteem that drives them to constantly seek attention and control. Often found at the helm of political or religious cults, they surround themselves with sycophants, viewing even constructive criticism as betrayal. They believe they are always right, making it unlikely they would ever seek help or therapy.

I’ve often wondered why an increasing number of adults seem to lose the plot, have no situational awareness, and lack the most basic courtesy. The foundational stones of adult life are in many ways determined in early childhood, setting you up for success or failure in later life. But no matter what baggage from the past you are carrying on your shoulders you still have the power of choice.

Emotional support, attention, and affection are crucial for a child’s healthy development. The wounded child may have been an unwanted child, having received little physical or verbal expressions of love and affection.

One or both of the caregivers have been preoccupied, unavailable, and emotionally distant for much of the child’s life. They turn into adults who have difficulty regulating their emotions and struggle with their interpersonal relationships or suffer from anxiety and depression.

Self-care and healing the inner child

Healing the wounded inner child is key to unleashing your creative powers, self-esteem, and soul-driven purpose. It is never a one-off process but can be a lifetime journey of self-reflection and self-compassion.

The worst you can do is fall into the blame game, making your past responsible for all the mishaps in your life. The healing process starts by taking a different perspective and accepting the feelings and emotions from your childhood.

You can connect with your inner child by meditating on a picture of yourself at an age that was particularly hurtful or traumatic. Talk to that younger version of yourself offering parental comfort, support, and understanding that it didn’t have at the time. It is extremely helpful to start the process with the help of an experienced mentor or therapist.

Engage in activities that nurture the joy of the inner child

Even if most of your childhood was a long dark chapter, there were also moments where you experienced joy. Find out what gave you joy in the early stages of your life and whether you can expand on that in your adult life. Maybe it was playing with a favorite pet, reading a particular book, or watching a particular fairytale movie.

Setting boundaries

The hurt inner child has never learned to set healthy boundaries. Setting boundaries goes hand-in-hand with self-care. The more you start loving and practicing self-care with your inner child, the more you will become aware of what expands your energy and what sucks away at your energy level. Practice saying no to persons when you feel overwhelmed, when something doesn’t align with your values, or when you simply need your own space.

Healing the wounded inner child is a deeply personal journey, and different techniques or approaches may resonate with different individuals. Trust your instincts and the voice of your inner child.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

P.S. If you enjoyed this article you will be interested in my books available where all good books are sold.

Check out also the recent episode on the Living to BE podcast and Youtube with our special guest Matt O’Neill. The topic: Happiness is a Choice.

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by | September 2, 2024 · 8:06 pm

Victimhood and Embracing Responsibility

In a relentless storm of external distractions, it’s easy to lose yourself in a maze of illusions, false hopes, and misleading perceptions that steer you away from your true destiny and purpose.

The messaging from the world out there is primarily that happiness is created by „having“ rather than „being“.

Abundance and prosperity, if used mindfully, are useful tools to make an impact, but if they are the primary motive of all your efforts you will never have enough, falling into the trap of postponing the good life to some distant future.

Here is the hard truth: That moment will never come if you fail to live fully in the present moment, and practice gratitude for all the blessings that you already have.

Accepting Responsibility

Victimhood is one of the biggest obstacles to growth and personal fulfillment. By blaming your partner, your parents, your boss and the government for all that has gone wrong in your life you stay at a low vibrational energy where you will miss all the opportunities offered by the universe.

When the language you speak to yourself and others is mainly one of anger, retribution and hate you will attract much of the same dark energy around you. What you emanate to the world you will receive. You will remain trapped in an endless cycle of unhappiness.

We are all victims to some degree. The storms of life can unsettle in countless unpredictable ways. External events, accidents, personal loss and natural catastrophes are not under your control. But how you deal with these unexpected events make all the difference.

Photo by Julia Avamotive on Pexels.com

Accepting Impermanence

Like the seasons in nature nothing is permanent. The natural cycle dictates a time of spring and summer for birth, growth, and harvesting before we enter again a season of autumn and winter. The dark cold seasons of life are a time for introspection, recalibration and renewal. It means letting go of people that keep you at a low frequency, changing a job, a location or even a country. Fear of the unknown often leads to procrastination in the comfort zone but moving ahead also presents the greatest opportunity for growth and personal fulfillment.

Follow your aspirations and dreams

Never give up on your values, purpose and your why. You will intuitively sense that you are on the right path if everything falls into place. You meet the right people at the right time at the place at the right time. You feel a surge of energy and passion when you are doing the things that are in sync with your values and dreams.

Societal norms and expectations

There will always be other people who are seemingly happier, healthier and wealthier than you are. What you see on social media is not the reality. Sometimes those people who seemingly have everything in terms of fame and fortune are deeply unhappy because happiness is a state of mind.

Taking time for solitude

In a noisy and hurried world it has become more essential than ever to take time out for solitude and contemplation. When you take time for a quiet walk in nature the noise of the world recedes into the background. You will sense an innate harmony beyond the seemingly chaotic. In the natural world everything is interconnected and has its place and purpose within the totality of wholeness.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor – Speaker

P.S. If you enjoyed this article you will be interested in my books available where all good books are sold.

Check out also the recent episode on the Living to BE podcast and Youtube with our special guest Matt O’Neill. The topic: Happiness is a Choice.

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