Category Archives: psychology

Finding Meaning in a Nihilistic World

Nihilism is the despair that comes when all higher meaning collapses and life is reduced to emptiness

  – Sören Kierkegaard­ –

The world sometimes feels as if it is unraveling before our eyes. Truth is no longer truth, values are mocked, and meaning itself is up for debate. Kierkegaard warned of this kind of despair and the disease that spreads when a higher purpose is abandoned. In this hollow space, populist narratives rush in, manipulating with outrage, stripping away nuance, and discarding the responsibility for a common humanity.

University of Virginia sociologist James Davison Hunter warns that a new common culture is emerging that is chillingly nihilistic. He defines this culture with the drive to destroy, observing how fear, demonization, and rigid divisions dominate political life, leaving many unable or unwilling to negotiate, compromise, or even recognize shared humanity.

“A nihilistic culture is defined by the drive to destroy, by the will to power. And that definition now describes the American nation,” Hunter writes.

Hunter points out that a politicized identity “is formed and sustained by way of negation. Its emergence as well as its persistence depend on an active and hostile enemy. What naturally follows is rage, hatred, and a thirst for “a capable and wide revenge” that, in a twisted way, becomes a source of meaning—a raison d’être—for those who see themselves as victims.”

In the same vein, Noam Chomsky emphasizes that meaning in life is built through lived experience and collective responsibility. Acts that reduce suffering, preserve dignity, or advance freedom create meaning in a world that can otherwise feel void. For Chomsky, moral clarity stems from recognizing our shared humanity and universal ethical standards, while moral responsibility entails choosing to act on them. Nihilism, despair, or relativism, in his view, are excuses that allow people to avoid this work.

He has also criticized postmodernism for being obscure, relativistic, and politically disengaged—warning that societies risk moral collapse if they lose sight of truth and responsibility.

Modern life compounds these challenges. Constant information, endless obligations, and persistent anxieties can erode spirit and energy. The solution isn’t hustling harder; it’s pausing, reflecting, and breathing deeply. It’s grounding yourself in love and acceptance, trusting that you are guided and protected by reconnecting with your spiritual self.

Recently, the words of American monk and author Brother David Steindl-Rast came to mind. He doesn’t argue against nihilism like philosophers do; he simply invites us to notice this: “It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful.” Gratitude, he reminds us, doesn’t depend on joy—it creates it.

In his book Gratefulness: The Heart of Prayer, Steindl-Rast describes gratefulness as “the inner gesture of giving meaning to our life by receiving life as a gift.” It begins with simple surprise—a rainbow, a warm smile, the sound of a bird—opening the door to joy. Being thankful awakens us to the blessings around us and becomes the linchpin of a life animated by faith, lifted by hope, and nurtured by love.

In an age dominated by nihilism, gratitude is an act of resistance. It stitches meaning back into life.

Here’s a simple, actionable antidote to nihilism:

Each morning or evening, pause and reflect on three things from the past 24 hours for which you are truly grateful. Feel the gratitude fully. Notice what shifts in your heart and mind. Watch how even small moments of appreciation counteract negativity, restore meaning, and reconnect you to the life that surrounds you.

Gratitude is more than a practice—it’s a rebellion against emptiness, a return to purpose, and a daily homecoming for the soul.

Reino Gevers – Host of the LivingToBe podcast

P.S.: If you enjoyed this article, you might be interested in my latest book, Sages, Saints, and Sinners. Get it today on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and wherever good books are sold.

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Filed under happiness, psychology, purpose, religion

Beyond Noise: Rilke’s Invitation to Stillness

I’ve been contemplating one of Rilke’s poems lately. It has stayed with me because it speaks so directly to our world today, where noise and distractions pull from all directions. Rilke envisions a silence so profound that all the noise, chatter, busyness of the senses, and endless distractions simply fall away.

And, in that stillness, he says, we might finally glimpse the divine with full clarity.

If only it would be, just once, completely quiet…
If only it would be, just once, completely quiet.
If the random, and the approximate
went mute, and the neighbors’ laughter,
if the noise that my senses make
wouldn’t so stubbornly keep me from waking–
Then I could, in a thousandfold
thought, think you right to the edge of you
and have you (just a smile long),
to give to all life as a gift
like a thank-you.

Reading this, I couldn’t help but notice how often we treat noise, chatter, and distraction as normal. Yet maybe our constant talking, scrolling, and background hum are really a way of avoiding something scarier: just sitting with the stillness within.

Stillness can feel so unsettling because it invites us to hear the inner voice we’ve been ignoring, the voice of authenticity, of truth, of God. Rilke reminds me that silence isn’t empty at all. It’s a threshold. If we dare to step into it, we may discover presence, gratitude, and a deeper connection with life than all our distractions could ever offer.

You could also take a walk in nature, opening the senses to natural sounds that are different from noise. Birdsong, the waters of a creek, the rustling of leaves in the trees—all of it forms a beautiful symphony. In those moments, you can feel yourself connected to a larger whole and begin to perceive the subtle whispers of the universe.

So here’s a simple practice: find just five minutes today to sit in stillness. Turn off the phone, close your eyes, and notice the quiet beneath the noise. At first it may feel uncomfortable, but stay with it. Listen for that subtle inner voice—the one that whispers rather than shouts. You may find, as Rilke did, that in the stillness something sacred begins to stir.

Reino Gevers – Host of the LivingToBe podcast

P.S.: If you enjoyed this article, you might be interested in my latest book, Sages, Saints, and Sinners. Get it today on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and wherever good books are sold.

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Filed under happiness, meditation, mental health, psychology, purpose, Uncategorized

Reclaiming Democracy: A Call for Moral Action

Authoritarian movements are not historical accidents. They are the outcome of a long, steady erosion of the moral and spiritual foundations that once underpinned Western societies. The Judaic-Christian values that emphasized community, compassion, and responsibility have weakened, leaving a vacuum filled by grievance culture and divisive tribalism.

A growing number of people feel frustrated, aggrieved, and desperate as societies fracture between the privileged and the left-behind. Rapid technological disruption and sweeping social changes have upended long-held certainties. Entire communities have been dislocated, and the Covid-19 pandemic only deepened the sense of instability and loss.

Traditional institutions in education, religion, media, and politics have not addressed the alienation felt by millions. Students of history will recognize these conditions. Today’s authoritarian movements bear an uncanny resemblance to the turmoil and mass manipulation of the late 1920s and 1930s.

In A Preface to Morals (1929), Walter Lippmann foresaw the dangers of moral relativism and cultural drift:

“When men can no longer be the slaves of tradition, they must be the slaves of reason. If they will not be slaves of reason, they must be the slaves of their passions… And if each man is to judge for himself what is true and false, right and wrong, then we are already at the end of civilization.”

Authoritarian movements offer the illusion of safety and belonging. But instead, they further tear apart the fabric of civil society. Families, communities, and congregations fracture into warring factions, each loyal to its own tribe, and its own version of truth.

The Role of Media

Traditional media once acted as a civic compass, a watchdog of power. But in the digital age, social media algorithms amplify the most extreme, emotional, and divisive content. Outrage sells; nuance does not. Facts struggle to compete with feelings. In this climate, truth is no longer a shared destination but a weapon of personal or political gain.

The Sacrifice of Traditional Values

This is fertile ground for demagogues who distort Judaic-Christian values beyond recognition. Empathy is rebranded as a fatal flaw. Power is idolized; the weak and vulnerable are mocked as “parasites.” Even the medieval theology of ordo amoris—originally a call to rightly ordered love—is weaponized to justify a hierarchy of compassion: prioritize citizens over foreigners, neighbors over strangers. In this logic, cutting humanitarian aid for millions of people becomes not just acceptable, but righteous.

Yet most theologians, including Pope Francis, have challenged this interpretation. He reminds us that unconditional love lies at the heart of the Christian faith, and that true morality cannot be confined to borders or tribal interests. The parable of the Good Samaritan teaches that love recognizes no boundary.

As former U.S. President Jimmy Carter once put it:

“It is the weak nation that must behave with bluster, boasting, rashness, and other signs of insecurity.”
Strong societies practice humility. They uphold compassion, generosity, and justice—especially toward the most vulnerable.

The Choice Before Us

With traditional norms under siege and authoritarianism corroding democratic institutions, the burden of responsibility falls on we the people, every one of us. Troubled times, however grim, present a profound opportunity for reflection and moral clarity. There will come the realization that there is no hero coming and no savior on the horizon.

Change begins within—when individuals reclaim their agency, resist distraction, and choose courage over comfort. But it cannot end there. Lasting transformation happens when people come together, organize with purpose, and hold power to account.

For democracy to endure, it must do more than preserve procedures. It must recover its soul and the shared commitment to truth, moral responsibility, and compassion.

A democracy worthy of its name serves all people, not just the powerful elite. It confronts inequality, ensures access to healthcare, housing, and education, and defends the dignity of every human being. It protects the environment not as an afterthought, but as a sacred trust, recognizing that the future of life itself depends on how we care for the Earth today.

Democracy ultimately is not merely a system of governance. It is an expression of our collective values. And its survival depends on whether we are willing to live them.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor –Speaker

P.S: If you enjoyed this article you might be interested in my very latest book: Sages, Saints and Sinners Get it today on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and where all good books are sold.

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Filed under happiness, psychology, religion, social media, trump presidency

When the Lights go Out

It doesn’t take a coup or a dictator to kill a democracy. Sometimes, the rot begins from within, in slow motion and in plain sight. 

Across America and other traditional democracies, the checks and balances that are foundational in free societies are being chipped away.

If history teaches us anything, it’s this: when authoritarianism rules everyone loses—freedom, dignity, truth, and the very social fabric that makes us human.

The grim reality of authoritarian rule

Envision yourself living in a country where even the mildest critique of the ruler could land you behind bars or strip you of your livelihood. The airwaves echo incessant hymns of praise for the leader, while simultaneously stoking hate towards both real and imagined adversaries. Meanwhile, your son lives in constant fear, knowing he could be conscripted at any moment into a futile war.

This is a grim reality in Russia and a growing number of countries, casting a shadow over the lives of its citizens. 

Alarmingly, this pattern could potentially spread to democracies where generations have relished unparalleled freedoms, blissfully unaware of the true implications of authoritarian rule and its pervasive influence on society.

Across the globe, we witness a gradual erosion of fundamental liberties and democratic principles. Even within Western democracies long considered bastions of stability, nefarious political factions are becoming mainstream, posing a major threat to the established order.

The Democracy Index for 2019 found that democratic backsliding across the world has led to the worst score since the index was first produced in 2006, with only 5.7 percent of the global population living in what could be considered a “full democracy.”

Rightwing extremist parties weakening entrenched democracies

A Berlin-based leading Civil liberties network has warned that the rule of law is declining across the European Union as far-right parties continue to weaken legal and democratic checks and balances. Liberties in entrenched democracies such as Sweden and Italy are in a gradual process of retreat and risk becoming systematic, according to the 2024 Liberties Rule of Law Report.

Democracy and civil liberties take many decades to be entrenched in society while it takes only one government to dismantle everything. Freedom of the press can be stifled overnight, opposition parties banned or intimidated, and judges and civil service members replaced with regime-friendly acolytes.  All this has played out in Hungary, once a democratic country but now under authoritarian rule of Victor Urban.

The frightening scenario is that the process takes place gradually and incrementally with an electorate sleepwalking into authoritarianism.

We need only to look at history to understand how quickly basic freedoms can be usurped when a society fails to heed the warning signs. Adolf Hitler’s ultimate plan to extinguish the Jewish population with a German Reich controlling all of Europe was clearly outlined in his 1925 autobiographical manifesto “Mein Kampf”, compounding existing beliefs, fears, and xenophobia.

When opinion becomes an entrenched belief when truth becomes a lie and the mind refuses to accept an alternative idea or perspective, it is but a short road to authoritarianism.

Hitler’s explicit racial theories were openly portrayed in “Mein Kampf” and in his speeches before coming to power: Jews, Slavs, and other non-Aryan groups were described as subhuman and deserving of extermination or subjugation. His vision for a racially pure society involved the systematic elimination of “undesirable” populations that eventually culminated in the Holocaust. People in the mid-1920s failed to fully comprehend Hitler’s intentions for territorial expansion (Lebensraum) and the establishment of a racially pure Aryan state.

The suppression of dissent, the elimination of political opposition, and the manipulation of propaganda to indoctrinate the German population with Nazi ideology was introduced gradually. The policy of appeasement with influential groups of Nazi sympathizers in the United States, Britain, and other countries, eventually paved the way for one of the darkest periods in human history.

Authoritarianism goes against all human dignity and essentially gives power to a single ruler or small clique that inevitably ends up enriching itself at a terrible cost to the majority of the population. It is a one-way street where everyone loses.

Democracy can only endure when it is grounded in a robust system of checks and balances, supported by a vigilant and critical civil society. The authoritarian regimes of the last century unleashed unimaginable catastrophes, including two world wars and a genocide unparalleled in human history.

At its core, democracy champions freedom of expression, individual liberty, and tolerance. It allows you to fully express and live your potential without fearing repression and control by a state. 

Democracy can be chaotic, messy and loud, allowing a platform and freedom of speech for everyone.

Yet, these very values are increasingly vulnerable to exploitation by extremists. Before we fully recognize the threat, power can fall into the hands of individuals whose sole aim is personal advantage, subjugation and control.

Authoritarianism, grounded in fixed belief and fanaticism ultimately creates a toxic emotional state, blending fear, anxiety, and anger. It fosters dehumanization, deepens political polarization, and fractures social cohesion.

On a personal level, it becomes a significant barrier to self-growth and spiritual evolution. In a rapidly changing world, adapting is essential for survival. Clinging to rigid beliefs not only limits personal transformation but also blinds you to the new opportunities and possibilities the universe continually offers.

Reino Gevers – Author –  Mentor – Speaker

P.S: If you enjoyed this article you might be interested in my very latest book: Sages, Saints and Sinners Get it today on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and where all good books are sold.

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Filed under humanity, ideology, psychology, Uncategorized

The peril of rigid belief

Throughout history, one of the most potent catalysts of conflict and war has been humanity’s deep-seated addiction to rigid concepts and beliefs, particularly those rooted in religion, ideology, and political affiliation. These mental fixations often block the path to growth, empathy, and the elevation of consciousness.

While society rightly highlights the dangers of substance addictions like alcohol and drugs, we often overlook an equally destructive force: the psychological and emotional dependence on fixed worldviews. This addiction becomes especially visible during periods of rapid social upheaval and crisis. In such times, people often cling even more tightly to their beliefs, seeking certainty in a world that feels uncertain.

At the heart of these belief systems lies a refusal to entertain alternative perspectives. Even when faced with overwhelming evidence or scientific data, those entrenched in ideological thinking will often reject reason itself. For many, admitting they might be wrong is more terrifying than death. They become prisoners of their own convictions.

Scapegoating and misinformation

The COVID-19 pandemic offered a sobering modern example. As the virus swept across the globe, so too did a parallel wave of conspiracy theories, scapegoating, and misinformation. Rational discourse was drowned out by fanaticism. In many places, especially the United States, this led to deepening political polarization and extremism. Civil debate between differing political camps has become virtually impossible.

During the lockdown, I delved into the social consequences of previous pandemics. One of the most harrowing was the Black Plague of the 14th century, which devastated Europe and left cities and countrysides empty for decades. Faced with unimaginable death, people sought easy answers. In Strasbourg, a vicious rumor claimed Jews had poisoned the water wells, leading to the massacre of the city’s Jewish population. Those who were different—whether in religion, race, or opinion—were blamed.

In my latest book, Sages, Saints and Sinners, I explore how two central characters respond to such a crisis. While some individuals rise to the occasion with compassion and courage, others descend into violence and hatred. This story, rooted in historical truth, offers a mirror to our turbulent times. I encourage you to read it as a call to self-reflection.

Just like substance addiction, ideological addiction often stems from unresolved trauma and fear. In times of economic uncertainty or personal crisis, people gravitate toward simple answers to complex problems. This is the moment when deceivers step in, offering an easy scapegoat: You are not the problem—it’s “them.” The others. The outsiders. Those who think, look, or believe differently from you.

This narrative is tragically familiar. It has fueled genocides, invasions, land thefts, torture, witch hunts, and pogroms. History is littered with the consequences of belief systems weaponized against fellow human beings.

Healing begins within

Ideological fixation poisons the mind. The path to healing begins with honest inner reflection. We must each ask:


What lies beneath my anger, my sadness, my resentment?
How can I transmute these emotions into love, compassion, and understanding?

The responsibility rests with each of us. Our highest calling and our divine purpose is to cultivate and spread love. Love that transcends division. Love that sees the humanity in all beings. Love that embraces life in its fullness.

This is the true revolution. And it begins within.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor –Speaker

P.S: If you enjoyed this article you might be interested in my very latest book: Sages, Saints and Sinners Get it today on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and where all good books are sold.

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Filed under psychology, religion, self-development, spirituality

The Hoopoe and life’s quiet invitations

There’s a bird that has fascinated me since childhood—the hoopoe.

With its elegant crown, zebra-striped wings, and quiet mystery, it’s always felt like more than just a bird. Here in Mallorca, a whole family of them lives in my garden, and I often watch them flit from tree to ground, moving with purpose and poise. But just the other day, one came unusually close—right up to my window.

We looked at each other for a moment. Still. Silent.

There was a sense that something was being exchanged without words. A subtle pause in time.

Was it a blessing? A message?

The Hoopoe as Spiritual Guide

In ancient literature and spiritual tradition, the hoopoe is no ordinary bird. It is said to move between the seen and unseen realms—a spiritual guide and messenger of deeper truths.

In the Persian classic The Conference of the Birds, the hoopoe leads a group of birds on a perilous inner journey, urging them to face their fears and seek union with the Divine. It doesn’t offer easy answers—it calls them to transformation.

That moment at the window made me wonder:
What is the hoopoe inviting me to see?
What fear am I being called to face?
What truth am I being asked to follow?

The Noise of the World and the Power of Whispers

We live in a world where the loudest voices often get the most attention. Where urgency, anxiety, and constant stimulation pull us in every direction. It’s so easy to be swept into the maelstrom of noise, to live in reaction rather than reflection.

And yet, life doesn’t always speak in volume.

Sometimes, the most important messages come not with noise—but with presence. Not in shouting—but in whispers.

These whispers can take many forms. They are gentle nudges that awaken something within us and guide us back to our soul’s purpose:

  • A sudden encounter with an animal or bird rich in symbolic meaning
  • A word, song, or conversation that strikes a deep, unexpected chord
  • A chance meeting with a stranger who feels like a messenger
  • A chapter in a book that completely shifts your path

A Whisper That Changed Everything

That last one happened to me.

Years ago, I picked up The Pilgrimage by Paulo Coelho. I read it in one night. And something inside me stirred awake. That book became a whisper—a gentle push that led me to walk the Camino de Santiago for the first time in 2006.

At the time, I was living in a dysfunctional marriage, navigating a stressful job, and anchored in a place that never truly felt like home. But that quiet invitation—a story—shifted the course of my life.

Becoming Who We Truly Are

I’ve come to believe, deeply and wholeheartedly, that every soul is born with a purpose.

Life is not about becoming someone new. It is about remembering who we truly are. We are sculpted by experience, softened through struggle, awakened by beauty. The adventure of life is the gradual unfolding of the self.

As Carl Gustav Jung once wrote:

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”

But this becoming doesn’t happen in the noise. It happens in stillness—in the quiet space where truth can finally reach us.

An Invitation to Pause

So, today I invite you:
Step away from the noise.

Take a walk in nature. Open your senses to the miracle of sight, smell, and touch. Breathe deeply. Sit in stillness. Offer gratitude—for your breath, your being, and the mystery of your life.

You are not random.
You are not alone.
You are part of something vast and sacred—a web of meaning, love, and purpose.

And sometimes, all it takes to remember that… is a whisper.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor –Speaker

P.S: If you enjoyed this article you might be interested in my very latest book: Sages, Saints and Sinners Get it today on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and where all good books are sold.

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Filed under psychology, religion, self-development, spirituality

When Life Hurts, Purpose Heals

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” Victor Frankl

In just nine days after being liberated from a Nazi death camp, Viktor Frankl poured his unimaginable ordeal into one of the most profound testaments to human resilience and the indomitable spirit ever written.

Upon his return to Vienna he found that his wife and almost entire family had died in concentration camps.

Most people would have been broken by such devastating pain, but Frankl managed to turn his suffering into a powerful pschological and spiritual mission.

His book: Man‘s Search for Meaning serves as a powerful guideline for all people currently experiencing almost insurmountable difficulties.

Frankl firmly believed that meaning can be found even in the most harsh conditions.

Purpose

Essential for Frankl was a firm belief in the Why.

Knowing your „why” helped people survive even the most brutal conditions, Frankl found. For him, it was the hope of seeing his wife again and the desire to rewrite his lost manuscript on his logotherapy psychological theory.

Detachment

He learned to detach from his suffering by focusing on memories, nature, and moments of beauty or spiritual reflection. He found that even in the camps, one could choose a different mindset—what he called the “last of human freedom.

Helping Others

As a psychiatrist, Frankl often counseled fellow prisoners, helping them find meaning and hope. This act of service gave him a sense of dignity and reinforced his own resilience.

Focusing on the Present

Frankl adapted to the harsh camp routines by focusing on small daily tasks and not letting himself be overwhelmed by fear of the future.

Belief

Recent groundbreaking studies reveal that individuals who anchor their lives in the belief in a higher power demonstrate significantly greater resilience in navigating and transforming adversity.

Evil has a persistent way of manifesting itself, sometimes infecting entire nations and societies—as seen in Nazi Germany. It can appear all-powerful, overwhelming any hope for goodness to prevail.

Yet, history shows that in the darkest hours, seeds of light and righteousness are quietly sown, preparing the way for a new dawn. Evil, by its nature, violates the deeper laws of creation. It tends to overreach—and in doing so, ultimately sows the seeds of its own destruction.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor –Speaker

If you enjoyed this article you might be interested in my very latest book: Sages, Saints and Sinners Get it today on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and where all good books are sold.

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Filed under mental health, psychology, purpose, spirituality, Uncategorized

Finding Peace Through Contemplative Prayer

In times of crisis, prayer can become a sacred act of surrender and spiritual growth. When we release the need to control, prayer opens a quiet space where the soul can rest, realign, and remember its connection to the greater Oneness.

Regardless of religious background, contemplative prayer can serve as a lifeline, anchoring the soul in resilience and peace. By turning inward and detaching from external distractions, we remember who we truly are.

The great 13th-century Mystic Meister Eckart describes his concept of prayer as one of “Gebet aus ledigem Gemüt”, which translates from the German as a prayer detached from the conceptual mind – a turning inward to the heart-mind.

The two eyes of the soul

Eckart describes the soul as having two eyes. The soul’s inner eye is that which sees into being, and derives its being without any mediation from God.

The soul’s outer eye is turned toward all creatures, observing them as images and through the ‘powers.’

“Any man who is turned in on himself, so as to know God by His own taste and in His own ground, that man is made free of all created things, and is enclosed in himself in a very castle of truth.

As I once said, our Lord came to his disciples on Easter day behind closed doors.

So it is with this man who is freed from all otherness and all createdness: God does not come into this man – He is essentially within him.” (Meister Eckhart, The Complete Works of Meister Eckhart, Sermon 66, Page 336)

For Eckhart, prayer “aus ledigem Gemüt” was a contemplative state of inner stillness with the soul liberated from all egoic desire and becoming receptive to the Divine presence, driven not by need but by love and union.

What we ask for may not serve our highest good

According to Meister Eckhart, God cannot always grant our requests, for we may still be in a state of unpreparedness. What we ask for may not serve our highest good, or it may simply not be the right time.

Like the soil that must first be tilled, the soul requires a practiced detachment. A receptiveness to divine gifts can only come by letting go of ego and desires. When we are prepared we receive not only what we ask for, but perceive the miracles of the very presence of God within all things. Without such preparation, we risk spoiling both the gift and the giver.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor –Speaker

If you enjoyed this article you might be interested in my latest book: Sages, Saints and Sinners

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Filed under gratitude, happiness, psychology, spirituality

The Cost of Ego-Driven Leadership

There appears to be a growing fascination with the “Elon Musk” style of forceful leadership glorifying a macho bravado over emotional intelligence. But behind the tough talk lies a troubling truth: Such an approach quietly erodes the foundations of a business. After 15 years in the consultancy field, I’ve seen it firsthand. If you want to damage a company from the inside out, lead with ego and ignore the human element.

My work facilitating countless in-house workshops in a wide variety of business sectors is backed by research. Leadership matters. How managers and supervisors engage with their teams directly influences motivation, performance, absenteeism, customer satisfaction, innovation, and long-term loyalty. The impact is immediate and often irreversible.

A significant share of workplace-related mental health issues such as burnout and depression, can often be traced back to organizational dysfunction, and how supervisors and managers treat their teams. When disengaged or unhappy employees are asked to evaluate their leaders, they frequently highlight a lack of core social and emotional skills.

Common complaints include:

  • Inability to address or resolve conflicts
  • Reluctance to acknowledge or validate good work
  • Micromanagement and controlling behavior
  • Excessive focus on minor mistakes or faults

In some cases, managers transferred to new departments quickly saw the same pattern emerge—high absenteeism, low morale, and disengagement—indicating that leadership style, not just environment, was the root cause.

On the other end of the spectrum, passive or absent leadership is equally damaging. Teams want leadership—but they want it from someone who leads with integrity, consistency, and emotional intelligence. The most respected leaders don’t shy away from accountability. They address underperformance, but they do so with what can best be described as tough love—firm yet fair, grounded in mutual respect.

People who feel dehumanized, disconnect

Constructive feedback uplifts and encourages growth. In contrast, harsh, demeaning, or fear-based criticism—what some might call the “kick-arse” style—erodes trust, silences initiative, and ultimately dehumanizes. And when people feel dehumanized, they disconnect. That’s how organizations slowly begin to lose their heart—and their talent.

Sport teams offer a great example of leadership style in action. Authoritarian coaches often bring short-term success but fail in the long-term.

Clear expectations, discipline, and structure can boost performance, especially in high-pressure or high-stakes environments like playoffs or elite competition.

Reduced Player Autonomy, Creativity
Over time, however, athletes under this style of leadership show reduced motivation, creativity, and autonomy. A lack of personal agency can stifle adaptive thinking on the field, a key to navigating unpredictable situations.

While some authoritarian leaders succeed in rallying teams through sheer force of will, they often fail to build trust or psychological safety. When things go wrong, blame replaces support, and that kills morale and camaraderie.

My experience is that companies grossly underestimate the cost of bad leadership. Costs can be prohibitive when highly-skilled staff leave, absenteeism rises, and new staff have to be recruited and trained. This comes in addition to the costs caused by demotivated staff in a culture of fear and negativity.

Authoritarian leadership fails over time

Authoritarian leaders in business often deliver quick results. They take control, issue orders, and expect compliance. In moments of crisis or chaos, that decisiveness can seem like strength. But over time, the cracks start to show—both on the field and in the office.

Great teams thrive on trust, mutual respect, and shared purpose. Authoritarian leaders undermine that by silencing voices and centralizing power. Over time, teams stop collaborating and start competing—for attention, approval, or simply survival.

Leaders who foster inclusion, creativity, and emotional intelligence over time are more successful. Satya Nadella, revitalized Microsoft with his emphasis on shifting from a know-it-all culture to a learn-it-all culture, emphasizing emotional intelligence and humility.

Ed Catmull, co-founder of Pixar, and author of Creativity, Inc., a go-to book on healthy leadership. is quoted as saying: “Give a good idea to a mediocre team, and they will screw it up. Give a mediocre idea to a great team, and they will either fix it or come up with something better.”

Success and happiness at the workplace is increasingly dependent on how we communicate and interact with others. At the workplace people operate either as takes, matches, or givers without expecting anything in return, according to famous Organizational psychologist Adam Grant.

Takers are those who almost exclusively act in ways that advance their own personal agendas. In their interactions with others, they are internally asking the question, “What can you do for me?” Matchers operate on a quid pro quo basis, giving in equal measure as others have given to them. Matchers’ interactions are based on fairness, with interactions based on the idea that “If you do something for me, I’ll do something for you.” The third group, the givers, is made up of people who are characterized by serving those around them. The interaction of givers is based on the question, “What can I do for you?”

Grant’s research, based on interviews with 30,000 people across a variety of industries and cultures, reveals that although some givers get exploited and burn out, the rest achieve extraordinary results across a wide range of industries.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor –Speaker

If you enjoyed this article you might be interested in my latest book: Sages, Saints and Sinners and “The Turning of the Circle” on how the underlying the laws of nature, give an invaluable insight into life’s evolutionary cycle.

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Filed under connection, corporate health, happiness, happiness research, Job satisfaction, lifestyle management, psychology, self-development

Why we need each other: The longevity secret

“Consuming things does not satisfy our longing for meaning. We’ve learned that piling up material goods cannot fill the emptiness of lives which have no confidence or purpose.” Jimmy Carter

We’ve never been more connected and more alone. In the race for success, self-expression, and consumerism, something vital has been lost: deep, meaningful community relationships.

Active participation in a community can add years to your life and improve your overall well-being. Humans thrive when they feel at home in communities that serve each other.

Former U.S. president Jimmy Carter was well aware of this, serving his community well into old age and reminding us of our true strength and values.

Meanwhile, depression and anxiety rates are rising significantly in urban areas. Research shows that people in cities are more likely to suffer from mental health issues compared to those in rural areas.

In big cities such as Stockholm, Berlin, and London about half the population live in single-households with high density housing, and transient populations of students and professionals leading to weaker social bonds.

The “Blue Zones” and community bonds

However, in those parts of the world, the so-called “blue zones”, where people live the longest strong community bonds are a common denominator.

In Okinawa, Japan, the elders have moais or tight-knit social circles that provide lifelong support. In Sardinia, Italy and many other southern European regions, inter-generational living keeps elders socially engaged.

The Harvard Study of Adult Development, which has been running for over 80 years, consistently finds that close relationships and strong social bonds are the most significant predictors of long-term health and happiness.

On my more than a dozen pilgrimage walks through rural northwestern Spain I have repeatedly witnessed the strong community spirit in the villages and towns. Regular religious and cultural festivals are held to celebrate local saints or historical events. People of all generations are strongly engaged in these events, providing purpose and meaning.

The Power of Social Connection

  • Studies show that strong social ties can increase lifespan by up to 50 percent compared to those with weak social connections.
  • Loneliness and isolation are as harmful to health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
  • Close relationships help reduce stress, improve mental health, and boost the immune system.

Cultivating strong social ties is one of the most effective ways to enhance health and happiness over time. Faith, purpose, and community engagement are particularly strong factors for resilience and longevity. When people look after each other they are more likely to stay physically active, eat healthier, and seek medical care when needed.

Reino Gevers – Author – Mentor –Speaker

If you enjoyed this article you might be interested in my latest book: Sages, Saints and Sinners to be launched globally on April 8th, 2025.

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Filed under mental health, psychology, purpose