Tag Archives: health

by | December 8, 2025 · 10:51 am

Redefining Masculinity: Traits Young Men Need Today

It has become a common story: a mother quietly confesses that her 30-something son is still living at home, unemployed, spending most of his days in the basement playing PC games—while his sister is thriving on every level and living the life of her dreams.

Figures from the United States, the United Kingdom, and the European Union reflect a rising trend: an estimated one in five men over 30 still lives in the parental home. Meanwhile, 63 per cent of men aged 18–29 are single, while women are surpassing their male counterparts in both education and income.

My recent Blog post on “Young Men: Angry, Isolated and Armed” touched a nerve because it captured something unfolding quietly but urgently: amid a growing mental-health crisis, young men are withdrawing into isolation or channelling their shame and frustration into outdated, hyper-aggressive role models, many of them fueled by right-wing extremist groups.

Technological and cultural shifts have opened unprecedented opportunities for young women—changes that their mothers and grandmothers could only dream of. Equal opportunity and equal pay were long overdue. But the traditional image of masculinity as the stoic provider, unflinching warrior, emotional brick wall, no longer fits into a modern world in which connection, communication, and adaptability matter more than ever.

So what are young women seeking in a partner today? And how do we define healthy masculinity in this new landscape?

Across many studies, three traits consistently appear as the most desired qualities in a long-term partner: kindness, intelligence, and confidence. They are foundational to stable relationships, but they are also widely misunderstood.

Kindness is not passivity or people-pleasing. It is emotional steadiness, especially in times of struggle or pain. It shows up in how a man treats others, especially family members, friends, and strangers. Men high in kindness respond to stress with calm problem-solving rather than withdrawal or aggression. Kindness begins with self-respect; young men must learn to accept and care for themselves before that inner stability can radiate outward.

Intelligence is not about high IQ scores or academic pedigree. It is the ability to navigate life with self-awareness, adaptability, and emotional understanding. Intelligent partners can manage their emotions, communicate clearly, listen actively, and reflect honestly on their own behaviour. They do not hide behind logic to avoid vulnerability or connection.

Confidence is perhaps the most misinterpreted trait of all. True confidence is quiet, grounded self-assurance—not the loud, performative “alpha” posturing that dominates so much online discourse. Confident men know who they are and do not need to brag, dominate, or seek constant validation. They can have difficult conversations without collapsing into defensiveness. They avoid unnecessary conflict—not from fear, but from maturity. This is where healthy masculine strength shows its true form: protective, steady, and principled.

These three traits aren’t random. Together, they form the bedrock of a healthy long-term relationship: a partner who is emotionally safe, self-aware, capable of repair, and stable during conflict.

To make this more tangible, here are some widely recognised men in entertainment who are publicly perceived as embodying kindness, intelligence, or confidence, while acknowledging we cannot know their private lives:

Keanu Reeves is often cited as the gold standard of humble, grounded kindness, giving generously without seeking credit. Tom Hanks represents steadiness and emotional warmth and is seen as approachable and gracious.

Ethan Hawke, symbolises intelligence as a deeply reflective and thoughtful artist. He writes books, directs films and speaks creatively with nuance. John Krasinski balances his humour with intelligent storytelling.

Men who symbolize grounded confidence are Idris Elba with a calm, steady presence and Mahershala Ali (Green Book) who embodies a quiet power and self-assurance.

The crisis facing young men today is not simply about a lack of economic opportunity; it is a crisis of identity. As society rapidly evolves, many young men are left without a clear model of what it means to be strong, successful, and valued in today’s world. But the path forward is not found in nostalgia for outdated roles or in reactionary anger. It lies in cultivating traits that make relationships—and communities—thrive: kindness, intelligence, and confidence grounded in self-awareness rather than ego.

If young men can embrace these qualities, they won’t just meet the expectations of a fast-changing world—they will exceed them. And in doing so, they will rediscover a masculinity that is not lost, but evolving: resilient, emotionally present, relationally strong, and profoundly needed.

Reino Gevers – Host of the LivingToBe podcast

P.S.: If you enjoyed this article, you might be interested in my latest book, Sages, Saints, and Sinners. Get it today on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and wherever good books are sold.

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by | December 1, 2025 · 9:45 am

Transforming Pain: Cultivating True Gratitude

You may find yourself in the midst of one of life’s more challenging chapters marked by grief, uncertainty, or loss. Then, as if on cue, a well-meaning friend offers the familiar advice: “Just be grateful.” In that moment, you might feel an angry urge to say: “You don’t understand.” And the weight grows heavier when you begin comparing your life to those who seem happier, wealthier, healthier, or younger, as if their brightness somehow dims your own.

But here’s the deeper truth: you cannot silence authentic emotions such as sadness, despair, or fear by layering them with forced gratitude. Emotional honesty is not weakness; it’s the foundation of healing. Gratitude only becomes meaningful when it arises from a place of full acceptance and when you allow yourself to feel everything that is part of you without self-judgment.

“I am feeling sad. I am disappointed. I am angry. And still, there are things I can be grateful for.”

This is where healing begins. When you make a habit of connecting the dots between past experiences and present growth, you start to see a deeper pattern.

There comes that quiet reassurance that the universe has always had your back. Even the darkest moments often conceal unexpected blessings, pushing you to tap into inner reserves of strength and begin anew.

I’ve lived through many moments of profound despair, and I suspect you have too. Relationship breakdowns, the untimely loss of loved ones, financial setbacks, and health scares. Yet in hindsight, these painful milestones have often marked the beginning of something transformative.

Technologically, humanity has made extraordinary progress in recent decades. But this advancement has come at a steep personal and environmental cost. Our lives today are faster, more connected, and paradoxically more stressed. We have more time than any generation before us, and yet time has become our most precious, elusive commodity.

This revolution forces us to confront an ancient question:

What truly makes you content and fulfilled?

The thrill of a shiny new object fades quickly. What endures is meaning and purpose.

Every extreme carries within it the seed of renewal. The technological age has amplified our left-brain — analytical, data-driven, “spreadsheet” thinking — while the right-brain, our intuitive, creative, and spiritual side, remains undernourished. Yet it is this neglected dimension that holds the key to balance.

We are not just rational beings. We are playful, imaginative, soulful creatures. Reclaiming that part of the self — and integrating both hemispheres of the mind — is the challenge of our time. Just because you are going through a dark chapter, doesn’t mean you cannot have a beautiful life. Peace comes from going all in on accepting yourself and building on the habits and tools that elevate healing and growth.

How can I do a reset?

Begin with small, intentional rituals that reconnect you to gratitude — not as a forced emotion, but as a recognition and acceptance of life’s complexity and beauty. Here are three daily practices to help you cultivate authentic gratitude:

Morning Reflection

Before reaching for your phone, take three minutes to sit quietly and ask: What is one thing I’m grateful for today — even if it’s small? It could be the warmth of a comfortable bed, the sound of birds, or simply waking up and still being alive, perhaps thanking God, or the universe for a new day.

Gratitude Journal

Each evening, write down three things that brought you comfort, joy, or insight — even if the day was difficult. Over time, this builds a reservoir of perspective and emotional resilience.

Sharing Gratitude

Make it a daily practice to express appreciation — whether through a heartfelt compliment, a sincere thank-you, or a simple kind word. When you share in someone else’s joy or gratitude, you amplify it. Gratitude shared is gratitude multiplied, and it deepens the bonds that connect us.

These rituals aren’t about denying pain or pretending everything is fine. They’re about honouring the full spectrum of your experience while gently creating space for light to return. Gratitude, when rooted in truth, becomes a quiet but potent force for healing, resilience, and renewal.

“If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is ‘thank you,’ it will be enough.”
— Meister Eckhart

This simple yet profound reminder by the great 13th-century Mystic invites you to see gratitude as a way of being and a sacred thread that weaves through joy and sorrow alike, anchoring you in the beauty of presence and opening to grace.

Reino Gevers – Host of the LivingToBe podcast

P.S.: If you enjoyed this article, you might be interested in my latest book, Sages, Saints, and Sinners. Get it today on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and wherever good books are sold.

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by | November 24, 2025 · 8:29 am

Ancestry And The Power of Family Connections

I’ve just returned from a visit to my home country, South Africa, where I spent precious time with my family. In the early 1970s, my grandparents expressed a simple but profound wish: that all siblings and grandchildren gather in one place at least once a year. Remarkably, that tradition has held steady across five decades—interrupted only briefly during the COVID-19 lockdown.

In Africa, as in many traditional cultures, honoring ancestral lineage is a living practice woven into the fabric of family life.

This visit reminded me how deeply our sense of belonging is shaped by the stories, sacrifices, and silent loyalties held within our ancestral line. Knowing where we come from brings coherence to our life story. It roots us not only in a biological lineage but in a web of relationships that existed long before we were born. We carry within us more than DNA. We inherit emotional imprints, unfinished business, unspoken family secrets, but also the resilience, courage, and wisdom of those who walked before us.

Strong scientific research suggests that emotional trauma can leave detectable “marks” on our DNA via epigenetic mechanisms. One of the most well-known studies conducted in this field is by Rachel Yehuda, who analysed DNA from Holocaust victims and their children and grandchildren.

Another powerful therapeutic method in understanding inheritance from past generations is Family Constellations, developed by Bert Hellinger. Family Constellations in a therapeutic setting reveal that each one of us is part of a larger “family soul,” where the fates of earlier generations continue to echo through the lives of the living. Unresolved trauma, exclusion, or injustice in previous generations often resurfaces, seeking recognition. Not out of punishment, but out of love—an unconscious loyalty to those who were forgotten, silenced, or burdened.

Acknowledging the Past

Honouring lineage, therefore, is not about idealizing the past. It is about acknowledging it truthfully. When we make space for the full story—including the painful chapters—we interrupt patterns that no longer serve us. Family Constellations teaches that healing begins when everyone in the family system is given a rightful place, when nothing is denied, and when love can flow freely again.

My own family history bears the marks of migration, political upheaval, cultural transformation, and questions of faith stretching across continents and centuries. There are chapters full of courage and hope, and others marked by sorrow, loss, and difficult choices. These stories live in me. They shape my worldview, my fears, my strengths, and even the questions I wrestle with spiritually.

Understanding our lineage reveals patterns that help us connect with purpose, destiny, and meaning. It doesn’t require us to condone the failures or blind spots of previous generations, but to see them within the consciousness of their time. Every generation faces its own challenges and limitations. By acknowledging this, we free ourselves from repeating what no longer belongs to us and reclaim the gifts that do.

In a world where identity feels increasingly fragmented and dislocated, returning to our ancestral roots offers rootedness and sanctuary. A reminder that we are part of a much larger story—one that began long before us and will continue to echo long after we have gone.

Reino Gevers – Host of the LivingToBe podcast

P.S.: If you enjoyed this article, you might be interested in my latest book, Sages, Saints, and Sinners. Get it today on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and wherever good books are sold.

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by | November 17, 2025 · 3:19 pm

Your Superpower in a Loud Society

„Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.”— Aristotle

Standing guard at the doorway of your mind has become essential to maintaining spiritual and mental health in an age where our minds are drowning in information but thirsting for wisdom.

What you feed your mind, you ultimately become. A few careless minutes scrolling on your smartphone can trigger a cascade of emotions that can shape your entire day.

If you are reading this, you are likely one of the few who is actively reflecting on what is happening to us collectively.

Conflict and social disruption will always be part of the human condition—we are imperfect beings, after all. But we also carry within us the profound power of choice.

When the fringe becomes the megaphone

My impression is that the darker impulses of humanity are being amplified through the very technology meant to connect us. Fanatical fringe groups and those consumed by malice spend countless hours attacking others with hate-filled messages. Social media companies do little to halt this simply because emotionally charged content fuels engagement—and engagement fuels profit.

We may believe we are in control of what enters our minds, but for most people this is not true. Social media and search engine algorithms quietly track our behavior and serve up the content we are most likely to consume. In doing so, they shape not only our preferences, but our thinking.

Echo chambers of belief

Beliefs and opinions are constantly being reaffirmed within separate realities—information bubbles where each group hears only the echoes of its own worldview. Families, friendships, communities, and even congregations are fracturing along these invisible but powerful dividing lines.

What we need is a collective pushback from the quiet majority: the rational, thoughtful, grounded people who do not fall for emotional manipulation. That resistance begins by asking simple but profound questions:

Is this information expanding my energy or diminishing it?

Is it helping me grow, evolve, and reach my full potential?

A common misconception is that knowledge, information, and education alone equal wisdom. Yet many highly intelligent people refuse to learn from their mistakes, cling to fixed mindsets, and resist deeper reflection—never realizing they have been backing the wrong horse all along.

The power of who and what you surround yourself with

True wisdom is innate knowledge shaped through experience. It is the quiet confidence of intuition and higher consciousness. When you choose to surround yourself with wise friends, nourish your mind with spiritual teachings, and seek guidance from grounded mentors, you naturally grow in wisdom.

Equally essential is practicing self-care by setting firm boundaries with people, media, and environments that deplete your mind, body, and soul. Self-care is not indulgence—it is alignment. It is taking time for silence, contemplation, and reconnection with your inner life.

Choosing this path gradually fills your life with greater happiness and contentment because you begin building a bridge to your soul. Your actions shift from serving the ego to serving the greater whole.

Reino Gevers – Host of the LivingToBe podcast

P.S.: If you enjoyed this article, you might be interested in my latest book, Sages, Saints, and Sinners. Get it today on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and wherever good books are sold.

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by | November 3, 2025 · 2:42 pm

Regression or Awakening?

Is humanity sliding back into conflict and cultural regression or are we standing at the threshold of, an era of peace, prosperity, and progress on every level?

I’ve been reading The Changing World Order by Ray Dalio, whose research into the cyclical rise and fall of empires is both sobering and fascinating. History, it’s said, never repeats itself—but patterns do. And for thousands of years, they have shaped the destiny of nations and civilizations.

Today, we find ourselves in a remarkable moment. Humanity is literally creating a parallel intelligence through AI—an evolution that will profoundly transform our world. Since the 19th century, the global economy has gone through repeated waves of disruption, followed by bursts of innovation and rapid growth.

According to Dalio, those who recognize these cycles early tend to emerge stronger, while those clinging to the past often struggle. History shows that generations shaped by hardship and resilience create wealth and progress—only for their descendants, raised in comfort, to grow complacent and begin the downward turn. The result? Rising inequality, social unrest, political polarization, and eventual fragmentation. Sound familiar?

The good news, as Dalio notes, is that downward cycles tend to be shorter than the long upward phases of creativity, optimism, and expansion. Each decline, though painful, clears the way for renewal.

So how can we prepare on a personal level?

Embrace change. Disruption is often a cleansing force, clearing the old to make space for the new. Shift your mindset. See the universe as working for you, not against you. Trust the seasons. Nature teaches us that endings are never final—they are part of a larger rhythm of rebirth and growth.

If we learn to move with the current rather than resist it, we may discover that what looks like decline is really transformation. Go with the flow of the river—and you’ll find yourself carried forward into the next great awakening.

Reino Gevers – Host of the LivingToBe podcast

P.S.: If you enjoyed this article, you might be interested in my latest book, Sages, Saints, and Sinners. Get it today on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and wherever good books are sold.

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by | October 28, 2025 · 1:25 pm

The Sacred Bond Between Dogs and Humans

Yesterday, I had to make a very difficult decision in letting go of my beloved Dalmatian, Klara, who has been a faithful companion through the seasons of my life for over fourteen and a half years. Her gentle presence, unwavering loyalty, and unconditional love have been a constant reminder of the sacred bond that exists between dogs and their humans.

Dogs are spiritual beings. Their devotion and ability to love without condition form a bridge between the seen and the unseen, assisting us on our soul’s journey in ways we often only begin to understand when they are gone.

Every dog owner who has shared a deep bond with their four-legged friend will tell you that dogs can sense our emotions long before we consciously recognize them ourselves. They seem to perceive energy fields and emotional undercurrents that go beyond human understanding.

The Science Behind Emotional Connection

Interestingly, modern science is beginning to confirm what dog lovers have always known in their hearts. There’s now solid scientific evidence that dogs can detect and respond to human emotions through scent.

Studies using physiological measures — such as cortisol levels, heart rate, and fMRI brain scans — reveal that dogs can literally smell our emotional states. These scent cues influence their own behavior and even their stress responses.

  • A 2018 study published in Animal Cognition exposed dogs to sweat samples from humans who had watched either a scary or a neutral video. Dogs who sniffed “fear sweat” showed higher heart rates, sought comfort from their owners, and avoided strangers.
  • A 2022 study at Queen’s University Belfast trained dogs to distinguish between stress-related sweat and breath samples versus neutral ones. Astonishingly, the dogs identified the “stress” samples correctly 94% of the time after just a few trials.

These findings show that dogs can detect emotions such as fear, anxiety, sadness, and happiness through subtle chemical shifts tied to hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. They use this information to adjust their behavior — offering comfort, staying close, or becoming cautious — depending on what we’re feeling.

Dogs as Mirrors of Our Inner World

Beyond their empathy, dogs often mirror aspects of our own nature that invite us to grow.

  • A dog that shows exceptional love may be teaching us to open our hearts more fully.
  • A stubborn dog might be reminding us to loosen our own rigidity.
  • A loyal dog teaches us the deep beauty of steadfastness.

When I had a Rhodesian Ridgeback, it taught me the power of focus and presence. If my mind wandered during our walks, my dog would sense it immediately, pulling in all directions or breaking free to chase a rabbit. The lesson was clear: stay present.

Dogs even reflect us in surprising physical ways. Some adopt the walking gait of their owners — and there are remarkable stories of dogs developing a limp to mirror an injured owner, even walking on three legs in solidarity.

Timeless Companionship

When I was a teenager, I had a fox terrier named Stompie who would wait by the gate each day precisely at the moment I returned from school. Decades later, Klara — who lost her hearing two years ago — would still be waiting on the terrace just minutes before my arrival, somehow sensing I was on my way home. That intuitive bond transcends logic; it belongs to the language of love and connection that dogs seem to speak fluently.

The Neurology of Love

Recent studies show that the dog–owner relationship activates brain regions similar to those seen in the infant–mother bond. In dogs, the reward center of the brain responds more strongly to their owner’s voice than to that of a familiar person. More attached dogs show even greater neural activity when hearing their owner’s praise — evidence that the emotional connection runs deep on both sides.

At Harvard University, researchers are now studying how social bonds between children and their pet dogs develop over time — exploring whether these relationships can help reduce stress for both child and dog alike. The answers may help us better understand what many of us already know intuitively: love shared with a dog is healing, grounding, and transformative.

Klara’s passing has left a void in my home and in my heart but also a profound gratitude for the years we shared. Her spirit, like so many beloved companions before her, reminds me that love never truly leaves. It simply changes form, waiting patiently for us, just as our dogs always have.

Reino Gevers – Host of the LivingToBe podcast

P.S.: If you enjoyed this article, you might be interested in my latest book, Sages, Saints, and Sinners. Get it today on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and wherever good books are sold.

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by | October 14, 2025 · 9:05 am

The COVID-19 Legacy: Social Fragmentation and Healing

Two years ago, the World Health Organization (WHO) declared that the COVID-19 pandemic was no longer a public health emergency. Yet its psychological and social aftershocks continue to ripple through societies, fragmenting communities once gripped by fear and fueling political extremism.

Several studies have now confirmed what many suspected: the pandemic and ensuing lockdowns had a profound impact on mental health worldwide. For the first time in history, scientists were able to observe the effects of collective fear on a truly global scale.

The Emotional Toll

While experiences varied across regions and communities, several broad patterns emerged:

  • Prolonged uncertainty, isolation, and fear led to widespread anxiety, depression, and burnout.
  • Eroding trust became a defining feature, as people grew confused and skeptical toward governments, media, and even science amid rapidly shifting information.
  • Collective grief settled over the world, a mourning not only for lost lives, but also for lost time, normalcy, and connection.

Shifting Social Landscapes

Communities fractured along new fault lines with differing views on vaccines, lockdowns, and mask mandates dividing families, friends, and neighbors.
Technology became both a lifeline and a liability: it kept people connected yet deepened isolation, fatigue, and exposure to misinformation and conspiracy theories.

The Mind–Body Connection

Emotional stress is one of the most significant threats to both mental and physical health. Neuroscience and medical research have long shown that chronic activation of the body’s stress response can harm nearly every system, especially the immune and cardiovascular systems.

  • The Whitehall Studies in the U.K. found that chronic job stress increases the risk of heart disease.
  • The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study revealed that early-life emotional trauma elevates the risk of chronic illness in adulthood.

The link between mind and body is undeniable—but so too is our capacity for resilience.

Cultivating Resilience

Research shows that stress resilience or the ability to recover from emotional adversity can buffer these effects. Protective factors include:

  • Strong social connections
  • Spiritual or faith practices
  • Mindfulness and meditation
  • Regular exercise and restorative sleep
  • A deep sense of purpose or meaning

A Shared Awakening

The pandemic also ignited a global period of reflection on mortality, interdependence, and renewal. Many rediscovered spirituality, nature, and the quiet power of mindfulness. For perhaps the first time in modern memory, humanity was united by a shared awareness of its own fragility.

A Creative Rebirth

For me personally, the lockdown became a period of unexpected inspiration. It was during this time that I began writing my novel Sages, Saints and Sinners. In my research, I discovered haunting parallels between our modern experience and the Black Death of medieval times, echoing the same fear, isolation, and uncertainty, followed ultimately by rebirth.

Reino Gevers – Host of the LivingToBe podcast

P.S.: If you enjoyed this article, you might be interested in my latest book, Sages, Saints, and Sinners. Get it today on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and wherever good books are sold.

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by | September 29, 2025 · 7:28 am

Young Men: Angry, Isolated, and Armed

Only moments after news broke that a young suspect had allegedly killed American right-wing influencer Charlie Kirk, social media erupted in a frenzy of conspiracy theories. The scene felt eerily familiar, much like the wave of accusations and blame that followed after another young man narrowly missed assassinating Donald Trump last year

What gets lost in the noise of speculation and outrage is a sober analysis of a deeper crisis: why do we have millions of disaffected young men, many struggling with mental health, who are willing to pick up a gun to make their pain known?

An alarming number of these young men are filling their “purpose void” by clinging to extremist groups that promise them antiquated, hyper-masculine role models. Recent election trends in France, Germany, the United Kingdom, and within America’s MAGA movement reveal a dangerous regression: large swathes of young men are gravitating toward demagogic macho cultures led by right-wing authoritarian figureheads who thrive on their grievances, anger, and lack of self-esteem.

Contrary to the narrative put out by much of the right-wing media ecosystem, including Donald Trump, the majority of politically-motivated violence committed in the United States comes from the right and not from the radical left, according to a detailed study (Duran, Celinet. 2021)

“Since 1990, far-right extremists have committed far more ideologically motivated homicides than far-left or radical Islamic extremists, including 227 events that took more than 520 lives. In the same period, far-left extremists committed 42 ideologically motivated attacks that took 78 lives,” the study summarizes.

On the island of Mallorca, where I live, I regularly witness another side of this crisis. Especially in the summer months, groups of intoxicated young male tourists flood beaches and holiday resorts, behaving with little regard for social norms or basic decency. Their drinking, brawling, and even defecating in public spaces have become so disruptive that local civic groups are pressuring authorities to enforce strict policing and high fines. For me, it is a vivid, almost daily reminder of how quickly young men, when stripped of purpose and responsibility, can descend into destructive, tribal behavior. What might appear as “holiday fun” on the surface exposes the deeper cultural sickness: a generation of young men searching for meaning in the bottom of a beer bottle, in the adrenaline of a fight, or in the temporary dominance of taking over a public space.

This trend is unfolding at a time when women are excelling—academically, professionally, and socially—at unprecedented levels. In the United States, the National Center for Education Statistics (NCES) reports that in 2020, 59% of all undergraduates were women. In the 2019–2020 academic year, women earned 60% of master’s degrees and 54% of doctoral degrees. Higher education is translating into better access to high-paying jobs, even in traditionally male-dominated fields like technology and engineering.

The “Purpose Void”

For generations, boys found meaning in roles as warriors, leaders, or sole breadwinners. Today, those traditional roles are fading, leaving many bright young men adrift—alienated, withdrawn, and often addicted to instant gratification. Psychologists Warren Farrell and John Gray argue that compulsive gaming and digital distractions are exacerbating attention problems like ADHD, compounding the sense of purposelessness.

The consequences are severe. Suicide rates among young men soar to six times that of young women. Many of these young men eventually turn to ultramasculine role models, where empowerment is equated with violence, weaponry, and membership in extremist male-only groups.

The pattern is clear: demagogues prey on their discontent, offering simple answers and a return to an “idealized” patriarchal past. Outsiders—immigrants, minorities, or anyone different—become scapegoats. A dystopian promise emerges: a reborn patriarchy led by a “fatherly” figure who will restore order.

It Takes a Village

This is not to dismiss the courageous efforts of single mothers, many of whom raise healthy, caring, and successful sons despite enormous challenges. But we cannot ignore that the overwhelming majority of violent crime is committed by men. In the U.S., more than nine times as many men as women have been incarcerated at some point in their lives. Men also experience higher victimization rates for nearly every category of violent crime.

African wisdom offers a clue to solutions. The proverb, “It takes a village to raise a child,” underscores the importance of community in raising the next generation. A Swahili saying echoes the same truth: “Whomsoever is not taught by the mother will be taught by the world.”

Traditional African societies understood child-rearing as a communal responsibility. By contrast, in modern industrialized nations, single mothers are too often left without support—bearing the double burden of earning a living while raising children. With the exception of Nordic countries and parts of Europe, state support for early childcare and education is minimal, leaving long-term social costs far greater than the investments required.

Resilient children are raised in resilient communities. They learn values and social skills not just from parents but from grandparents, uncles, aunts, mentors, and family friends. They are shaped by role models who find purpose in service, not just in short-term gratification.

A Way Forward

While extremist movements exploit the vulnerabilities of young men by blaming external enemies, the true crisis lies within. Addressing it requires a multi-layered approach:

  • Promote healthy models of masculinity that normalize emotional openness, empathy, and vulnerability.
  • Foster peer support and mentorship so young men have safe spaces to share struggles and learn from older role models.
  • Invest in community programs—team sports, skill-building workshops, and local initiatives—that counter isolation with belonging and purpose.

Right now, we are witnessing the rise of the most dangerous species on earth: young men in their early twenties with access to a gun. We cannot allow demagogues to hijack their pain, feeding them a false sense of empowerment rooted in violence, toxic masculinity, and nostalgia for a patriarchal past.

If we want a safer and healthier future, we must fill the purpose void, before others do.

Reino Gevers – Host of the LivingToBe podcast

P.S.: If you enjoyed this article, you might be interested in my latest book, Sages, Saints, and Sinners. Get it today on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and wherever good books are sold.

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by | September 8, 2025 · 8:53 am

Finding Meaning in a Nihilistic World

Nihilism is the despair that comes when all higher meaning collapses and life is reduced to emptiness

  – Sören Kierkegaard­ –

The world sometimes feels as if it is unraveling before our eyes. Truth is no longer truth, values are mocked, and meaning itself is up for debate. Kierkegaard warned of this kind of despair and the disease that spreads when a higher purpose is abandoned. In this hollow space, populist narratives rush in, manipulating with outrage, stripping away nuance, and discarding the responsibility for a common humanity.

University of Virginia sociologist James Davison Hunter warns that a new common culture is emerging that is chillingly nihilistic. He defines this culture with the drive to destroy, observing how fear, demonization, and rigid divisions dominate political life, leaving many unable or unwilling to negotiate, compromise, or even recognize shared humanity.

“A nihilistic culture is defined by the drive to destroy, by the will to power. And that definition now describes the American nation,” Hunter writes.

Hunter points out that a politicized identity “is formed and sustained by way of negation. Its emergence as well as its persistence depend on an active and hostile enemy. What naturally follows is rage, hatred, and a thirst for “a capable and wide revenge” that, in a twisted way, becomes a source of meaning—a raison d’être—for those who see themselves as victims.”

In the same vein, Noam Chomsky emphasizes that meaning in life is built through lived experience and collective responsibility. Acts that reduce suffering, preserve dignity, or advance freedom create meaning in a world that can otherwise feel void. For Chomsky, moral clarity stems from recognizing our shared humanity and universal ethical standards, while moral responsibility entails choosing to act on them. Nihilism, despair, or relativism, in his view, are excuses that allow people to avoid this work.

He has also criticized postmodernism for being obscure, relativistic, and politically disengaged—warning that societies risk moral collapse if they lose sight of truth and responsibility.

Modern life compounds these challenges. Constant information, endless obligations, and persistent anxieties can erode spirit and energy. The solution isn’t hustling harder; it’s pausing, reflecting, and breathing deeply. It’s grounding yourself in love and acceptance, trusting that you are guided and protected by reconnecting with your spiritual self.

Recently, the words of American monk and author Brother David Steindl-Rast came to mind. He doesn’t argue against nihilism like philosophers do; he simply invites us to notice this: “It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful.” Gratitude, he reminds us, doesn’t depend on joy—it creates it.

In his book Gratefulness: The Heart of Prayer, Steindl-Rast describes gratefulness as “the inner gesture of giving meaning to our life by receiving life as a gift.” It begins with simple surprise—a rainbow, a warm smile, the sound of a bird—opening the door to joy. Being thankful awakens us to the blessings around us and becomes the linchpin of a life animated by faith, lifted by hope, and nurtured by love.

In an age dominated by nihilism, gratitude is an act of resistance. It stitches meaning back into life.

Here’s a simple, actionable antidote to nihilism:

Each morning or evening, pause and reflect on three things from the past 24 hours for which you are truly grateful. Feel the gratitude fully. Notice what shifts in your heart and mind. Watch how even small moments of appreciation counteract negativity, restore meaning, and reconnect you to the life that surrounds you.

Gratitude is more than a practice—it’s a rebellion against emptiness, a return to purpose, and a daily homecoming for the soul.

Reino Gevers – Host of the LivingToBe podcast

P.S.: If you enjoyed this article, you might be interested in my latest book, Sages, Saints, and Sinners. Get it today on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and wherever good books are sold.

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by | September 1, 2025 · 9:34 am

The Gift of Money: Spiritual Perspectives

Since the earliest days of organized religion, money has played a pivotal role. It has been used to “spread the word” and to entrench religious power, sometimes abused for exploitation, but also put to good use. It has funded countless schools, hospitals, and welfare that shaped much of our society today.

The Roman Catholic Church, for centuries, built its power on a system of tithes. People were taught that by giving money, they could buy tickets out of purgatory and into heaven.

My own family’s story is intertwined with the Lutheran tradition. My grandparents were hardworking farmers who managed to build some wealth through self-sufficiency and discipline. But extravagance was frowned upon. Any money not reinvested in the farm usually went to the church. Holidays, luxury clothing, and even the small consumer comforts that many middle-class families enjoy today were considered wasteful. The unspoken rule was simple: every cent could be put to “better use.”

Is money the root of all evil?

I often heard the phrase: “Money is the root of all evil.” It shaped me more than I realized. Wealth, if earned at all, had to come through sweat, toil, and tears. Quick fortunes, whether through inheritance or the stock market, were regarded with suspicion. For years, I carried this heavy view of money as something dangerous, almost shameful.

But over time, I began to see that this idea rested on a mistranslation. Paul actually wrote: “The love of money is a root of all kinds of evil” (1 Timothy 6:10). Not money itself, but the love of it, the obsession, the addiction, the false security it promises. That realization was freeing. Money is not moral or immoral; it is neutral. It simply amplifies what is already in us.

Money amplifies character

I have seen this truth play out in my own circle. Friends who were always kind and generous only became more so when entrusted with wealth. They gave freely, they created opportunities, they lifted others up. But those who were by nature fearful, self-centered or controlling became even more so once money entered their lives.

I also found new meaning in the parables I had heard as a child. The Parable of the Talents (Matthew 25:14–30) used to feel like a simple lesson about money and responsibility, but as an adult it spoke to me on a deeper level. In the story, a master entrusts his servants with sums of money before leaving on a journey. Two of them take risks, invest, and return with more than they were given. The third buries his portion in the ground, paralyzed by fear of losing it. When the master returns, he praises the first two as faithful and trustworthy, but calls the last one lazy and casts him out.

For me, this is no longer a story about coins or wealth. It is a metaphor for life itself. Each of us is entrusted with something: gifts, time, energy, relationships, and resources. To bury those gifts, to let fear dictate our choices, is to betray the trust of the One who gave them to us in the first place.

The ultimate sin, I have come to realize, is not failure: It is waste. It is letting your unique talents go unused, your light hidden behind a veil, your voice silenced. From the moment of birth, we are called to grow into the fullness of who we are meant to be. Ignoring that inner calling is not just a missed opportunity. It is, in a sense, a treachery against the soul itself.

Burying your talent, your voice, or even your capacity for love is just as wasteful as burying a coin in the dirt. We are meant to risk, to create, to step out in faith, even if it means stumbling along the way. For it is only in using our gifts, be it wealth, wisdom, or creativity that you truly live in alignment with our calling.

Another great example from scripture is the widow in the temple (Mark 12:41–44). She gave two small coins, all she had, while others gave out of their abundance. Jesus noticed her, not for the amount, but for the spirit of trust with which she gave. That story has always humbled me. It reminds me that generosity has nothing to do with size, but with the heart.

Money is a form of energy

Through these reflections, I began to form a new relationship with money. I no longer see it as shameful or corrupting, but as a form of energy. It can be something that can be directed toward building, healing, and serving. If invested ethically, money can create jobs, sustain communities, and bring hope. Used rightly, it becomes spiritual because it reflects love in action.

I hold onto these mantras now:

  • Money creates freedom of choice.
  • Money provides the means to be generous.
  • Money provides comfort and joy.
  • Money removes anxiety and fear.

When money is a gift, not a god, it can truly serve. As Proverbs 11:25 says: “A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.”

That decision to quit a safe job set me on an entirely new path into writing, podcasting, giving workshops, and exploring the realms of self-realization and spirituality. At first, it felt like stepping into a void, but slowly I discovered that the void was full. Every time I shared my journey, someone would come forward and say, “I needed to hear that.” Every time I gave a workshop, I realized that the experiences and lessons I had once considered private struggles could become bridges of connection.

And strangely, once I began to live into that calling, resources began to align with my purpose. Opportunities opened, doors I couldn’t have forced began to swing wide, and money itself flowed differently, less as something to chase, more as something that supported the work I was meant to do. It was as though life itself was saying: finally, you are using what I gave you.

But the inward and outward journey has shown me a different truth. Money, like talent, is a gift. It is neither evil nor good on its own, but it becomes holy when it is placed in service of something greater. It is energy waiting to be directed. To hoard it, or to bury our gifts in fear, is to shrink from the life we are called to live.

Jesus praised both the servants who multiplied their talents and the widow who gave her last two coins. The size of the gift never matters. What matters is the courage to release it, to trust that God can do more with it than we can ever imagine.

That is the lesson I carry forward: when money is a gift, not a god, it can be a force for freedom, generosity, and joy. And when talents are used, not buried, life opens in unimaginable ways and miracles.

I no longer see money as the root of all evil, nor do I see security as the highest goal. My prayer is simpler now: to be a faithful steward of what I have, to invest in love, to risk my gifts, and to walk each path with trust, knowing that even the detours are part of the journey.

Reino Gevers – Host of the LivingToBe podcast

P.S.: If you enjoyed this article, you might be interested in my latest book, Sages, Saints, and Sinners. Get it today on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and wherever good books are sold.

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